Mono Lessons (Part VII: 121-140)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

121. I’m picky.

122. I can pop 34 individual joints plus my neck and back. Ha.

123. My multi-vitamin doesn’t have potassium in it.

124. Some things need my attention more than others.

125. Gay marriage might not be the best solution… Didn’t think I’d say that, did ya?

126. Patience: I don’t have a lot…so I’ve sure had a lot to gain.

127. Downtown Denny’s has a VERY different crowd than our local Cottonwood Heights Denny’s at 1am.

128. This place is full of fuckheads. Pardon me.

129. I give SLCC a lot of (somewhat undeserved) crap. However, there does exist an even less respectable school to attend. I’ll refrain from naming it right now…. Care to guess what it is? No, not BYU....

130. A fast-dripping IV creates one of the strangest internal sensations I’ve ever felt.

131. When 4 people are tag teaming you in an ER room, it’s easier to ignore the fact that at least five vials of blood are being drawn from your arm.

132. December 14, 2009 at approximately 10:15pm: the exact moment I forgave Michael and myself for everything regarding that experience...and then some. Took me 2.5 years. Yes!!!

133. Even if I’m not proud of my past, I need to take responsibility and ownership of it. It makes me who I am today.

134. “Reparative” therapy may not be the devil’s work as I once thought. My own attempt at self-“reparative” therapy was anything but fun and/or successful, but again, the experience helped make me the secure person I am today. How can I deny someone that experience?

135. My reaction to “reparative” therapy is like that of a parent watching their child go through an experience they wish they didn’t have to watch. The kind of experience the parent wishes their child could learn without having to actually experience the experience. But unfortunately, most people only truly learn what they need to by going through those intense experiences.

136. Forgiveness is one of the hardest tasks to accomplish. It is also one of the most relieving and worthwhile things to accomplish.

137. Forgiveness can take for.e.ver.

138. You definitely can’t always trust your doctor. Question everything.

139. The changes I have been waiting for are actually happening. I don’t like it.

140. A certain someone is more than incompetent, they’re an asshole too.

Mono Lessons (Part III: 51-66)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

51. It could have been worse.

52. IKEA is one of the best ideas ever.

53. You can truly forgive without actually forgetting.

54. Some talent goes beyond my wildest dreams.

55. Gender and sexual orientation are 100x more complicated and confusing than I ever thought. And look whose talking.

56. “Gay” doesn’t quite cut it. But is there something that does?

57. You can’t get nasal spray vaccinations for the flu if you have some sort of preexisting condition.

58. It’s hard to stay “healthy enough” to have a chance to get a regular injected flu vaccine.

59. People use the most idiotic excuses to avoid taking responsibility.

60. I can actually work from home quite easily if I don’t have to call anybody.

61. The politics in that place are fucking bullshit. Oh wait, I knew that already. It was just reaffirmed…again. How redundant.

62. Kneaders has the best oatmeal raison cookies.

63. Butternut squash bisque from Paradise is amazing.

64. On ultra annoying nausea days, Chipotle is often the only thing I can fathom eating. Specifically the hard shell tacos.

65. Jessica and I have our mindless and hilarious conversations at work to help keep a satisfying level of sanity (or insanity).

66. Mono screwed with my:

a. Appetite

b. Skin

c. Scalp

d. Sinuses

e. Throat

f. Weight

g. Pants

h. Belts

i. Head

j. Judgment

k. Voice

l. Personality

m. Mood

n. Amount of sleep

o. Sleep patterns

p. Sleep schedule

q. Sleep in general, apparently

r. School schedule

s. Work schedule

t. Boy schedule

u. Friend schedule

v. Homework schedule

w. Probably my pancreas

x. Probably the sac around my heart

y. Stamina

z. Motivation

aa. Drive

bb. Heart rhythm

cc. Diet

dd. Hydration

ee. Potassium levels

I Hate This

I hate that it has finally come to this.
I hate that he let it get to this.
I hate that he has known this whole time, but did nothing about it.
I hate that everyone has known, yet done nothing.
I hate that it took this for anyone to even begin to care.

I hate his lack of responsibility.
I hate his ignorance.
I hate his attitude.
I hate his "managing."
I hate his micromanaging.
I hate his jealousy.
I hate his "years of experience."
I hate his fakeness.
I hate his lies.
I hate his two-facedness.

I hate saying goodbye.
I hate not having my cubicle sharing partner.
I hated letting go of that hug.
I hate being asked "What can I do to get you to stay?" 2 months too late.
I hate knowing the potential, but not being able so see it come to fruition.
I hate leaving her behind.
I hate knowing someone is being dumped into this situation.
I hate leaving her in the dark.
I hate leaving them.

I hate leaving a creditless legacy.
I hate you for what you've done.
I hate that I have to grieve this like a death.
I hate walking away from my baby.
I hate not being able to fully convey my anger and frustration.
I hate that she had a foot out the door this whole time.
I hate how much I'm going to miss you.
I hate that this is the right decision.
I hate how much I miss them.
I hate this conflict.
I hate that I've done absolutely all I can do.

I HATE leaving this way!

I hate this.
I hate this!
I HATE this!
I HATE THIS!

Mono Lessons (Part I: 1-24)

And so begins the posting of my "Mono Lessons." As I mentioned earlier, I have a whole gigantic list of these written, so I will post them in smaller spurts.

I believe a lot of people who will be reading these are either specifically mentioned or alluded to in my "lessons." This could get rather interesting.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

1. It is difficult to stay healthy long enough to qualify for a flu vaccination.

2. It is so much more convenient and comfortable to breathe out of your nose. Hence, it is very likely to become addicted (literally) to nasal spray.

3. Your true friends are the ones who stick around knowing you haven’t been yourself for months on end.

4. Antibiotics for “sinus infections” will cause hives when you have mono. I guess it didn’t help that I also didn’t actually have a sinus infection in the first place.

5. Hives will get out of control if you don’t take an antihistamine and/or put Cortizone 10 on them as soon as you feel an outbreak occurring.

6. I’m allergic to Bactrim and Ceftin.

7. Mono will slow down room rearrangement projects…greatly.

8. Getting your blood drawn can actually be a non-horrific experience.

9. Being “too tired” is apparently only legitimate if you have a blood test to back it up.

10. Endless amounts of jokes can be made about mono all because someone decided to call it the “kissing disease.” Only thing is, it’s endless amounts of the SAME joke.

11. It is unbelievably hard for me to ask for less responsibility.

12. I hadn’t realized how emotionally invested I am/was in the UTemps Program. I had never bawled over taking time off before. It was devastating.

13. Bowling IS a sport.

14. I could actually be skinnier than I was.

15. What true nausea is.

16. Empathy for:

a. Mom

b. Dad

c. Sherri

d. Kelsey

e. Deanna

17. What fatigue is.

18. How much a pleasant memory is worth.

19. Boys can wait.

20. Most things can wait.

21. I can wait.

22. People can change. And those changed people will continue to surprise you.

23. Shattered friendships can begin to heal.

24. Some friendships need to end…or at least take a break.