"So Unsexy [Vancouver Sessions 2004]" by Alanis Morissette

We spend, or should I say, waste so much time letting other people get us down.  We spend so much time trying to please everyone else.  We spend so much time trying to impress the world.  We spend so much time over-analyzing innocent comments into deflating insults that make us feel So Unsexy, so unloved, so boring, and so ignorant.  When will we start staying with ourselves instead?

Here is Alanis Morissette's "So Unsexy."  The first version here is acoustic and was recorded as part of a Sessions gig Alanis did in Vancouver in 2004.  I actually heard this acoustic version before I heard the original and fell in love with it.

Below the acoustic version is a performance of the original version which you will see has much more of a rock feel to it than the more tame, yet (in my opinion) more powerful acoustic rendition.  As always, lyrics provided below.

Hope you like it.  :-)

Acoustic:

Performance of Original (because a performance is more entertaining than a still pictures):

"So Unsexy" - Alanis Morissette

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly

One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

What to do...what to do?

I have desires burning deep inside my soul.
They burn so hot and so real...
     My flesh tingles and flushes, 
     My eyes swell and drip,
     My vocal cords seize and scream.

Physics, psychology, math, poly sci, astronomy, photography...
Have I chosen the right thing?
     I want to make a difference.
     I want to speak out.
     I want to speak up.  
But I'm terrified to do more than I already am.
What to do...what to do?

Do I want to be an "activist?"
What is an activist?
Am I already one?
     Can a physics major be a gay activist?
     A gay Mormon activist?
     A gay Mormon physics major activist?
Is that allowed?

Is it dangerous?
Is it treacherous to pursue?
Which side is more threatening anyway?
Of whom should I be more wary?
     Both?
     Neither?
     Have I already ruffled everyone's feathers?

Fence-sitting sounds so simple...
But it's not that easy.
     I still have fears.
     I still hesitate before saying I'm gay.
     I even hesitate before saying I'm Mormon. 

I have friends who don't understand, 
But who let me do my own thing;
No questions asked.
     Why don't they ask questions?
     With which part do they not agree?
It's exhausting to continually tailor my words
According to my company...

Do you know me?
Do you really know me?
Who do you think I am?
     Honestly.
I'm sorry, but,
     "You don’t know me,
      You don’t know me at all.
      You don’t know me,
      You don’t know me AT ALL."

I feel stuck.
Out of place.
Always wanting more gay friends...
     More straight friends...
     More Mormon friends...
     More gay Mormon friends...
                                              Who feel and think the way I do,
                                                   Truly,
                                              Not because it's the "right answer"
                                                   Or they can't make up their mind...
                        Who doesn't "really just want to watch each other sleep...
                        ...Sleep sleep sleep."
     More friends to occupy and distract my thoughts
From wandering and wondering what I wonder...
What to do...what to do?

I want to be in love.
I want to be head-over-heels.
I want to be wooed.
I want to want to woo.
I want a hand to hold. 
I want to care and not care.

When will I meet him?
Have I already met him?
Will I find him at school?
Work?
Through a friend?

Would acting on my activism help me find my partner in crime?

                    I want to have the courage...                                                            
                    I want to have the strength...                                                           
                    I want to have the drive...                                                               
                    I want to have the reason...                                                             
                    I want to have the security...                                                           
                    I want to have the voice...                                                              
                    I want to have the sense...                                                              
                    I want to have the stamina...                                                           
                    I want to have the energy...                                                            
                    I want to have the support...                                                           
                    I want to have the enthusiasm...                                                      
                    I want to have the confidence...                                                      

to

                                                                                             end the hate.
                                                                                    end the ignorance.
                                                                                           end the abuse.
                                                                                         end the disgust.
                                                                                 end the self-loathing.
                                                                                               end the lies.
                                                                                        end the suicides.
                                                                                  end the helplessness.
                                                                                 end the hopelessness.
                                                                                        end the excuses.
                                                                                           end the doubt.
                                                                                             end the fear.

What to do...what to do?
Fearlessly be myself.

I Hate This

I hate that it has finally come to this.
I hate that he let it get to this.
I hate that he has known this whole time, but did nothing about it.
I hate that everyone has known, yet done nothing.
I hate that it took this for anyone to even begin to care.

I hate his lack of responsibility.
I hate his ignorance.
I hate his attitude.
I hate his "managing."
I hate his micromanaging.
I hate his jealousy.
I hate his "years of experience."
I hate his fakeness.
I hate his lies.
I hate his two-facedness.

I hate saying goodbye.
I hate not having my cubicle sharing partner.
I hated letting go of that hug.
I hate being asked "What can I do to get you to stay?" 2 months too late.
I hate knowing the potential, but not being able so see it come to fruition.
I hate leaving her behind.
I hate knowing someone is being dumped into this situation.
I hate leaving her in the dark.
I hate leaving them.

I hate leaving a creditless legacy.
I hate you for what you've done.
I hate that I have to grieve this like a death.
I hate walking away from my baby.
I hate not being able to fully convey my anger and frustration.
I hate that she had a foot out the door this whole time.
I hate how much I'm going to miss you.
I hate that this is the right decision.
I hate how much I miss them.
I hate this conflict.
I hate that I've done absolutely all I can do.

I HATE leaving this way!

I hate this.
I hate this!
I HATE this!
I HATE THIS!