"Destructive" by LeAnn Rimes

This is one of my very favorite angry, I-hate-the-world, leave-me-alone-I'm-raging-pissed songs.  For me, it's all in the lyrics and vocals.  For others, it's in screaming and loud noises.  Those of you that prefer screaming and loud noises may not appreciate this song the same way I do, but that's okay.  Anyway, I got SO excited when I found out she was performing a sessions-type version of this song for Live from Abbey Road.  Ever since I first heard this song on her album Whatever We Wanna, I wanted to see her passion when performing it.

Here, at 08:05, LeAnn talks about the song before performing it. The lyrics are provided below.

I cannot embed the video with the 08:05 start time without it autoplaying, so either navigate to that start time or click HERE to go to vimeo and watch starting at that time.

"Destructive" - LeAnn Rimes

If I could smoke a cigarette right now, I would
Rip out of my skin, commit the sins, oh I could
If I could break a heart and throw it all away for just one night
My conscience wouldn't care if I just went ahead and wrecked my life.

I want to be destructive
Trash everything in site
Beat the Devil at his game
Abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
One loud aching scream
Don't want anybody wanting anything from me

Yeah, yeah…

I'm sick of being perfect
With your perfect little smile
Pick a fight with danger
Be a stranger to myself for a while
I want to come unraveled
And have it out with my soul
I'm tired of all the voices telling me which way to go,
I wish you'd silence your opinion
That's the last thing that I want to know

I want to be destructive
Trash everything in site
Beat the Devil at his game
Abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
One loud aching scream
Don't want anybody wanting anything from me

I'll fell better when I'm sane
But now I want to feel no pain
I'm really sick of thinking
I just want to be destructive

Oh, oh, oh…yeah…

I want to be destructive
Trash everything in site
Beat the Devil at his game
Abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
One loud aching scream
Don't want anybody wanting anything from me

Yeah, yeah…

What to do...what to do?

I have desires burning deep inside my soul.
They burn so hot and so real...
     My flesh tingles and flushes, 
     My eyes swell and drip,
     My vocal cords seize and scream.

Physics, psychology, math, poly sci, astronomy, photography...
Have I chosen the right thing?
     I want to make a difference.
     I want to speak out.
     I want to speak up.  
But I'm terrified to do more than I already am.
What to do...what to do?

Do I want to be an "activist?"
What is an activist?
Am I already one?
     Can a physics major be a gay activist?
     A gay Mormon activist?
     A gay Mormon physics major activist?
Is that allowed?

Is it dangerous?
Is it treacherous to pursue?
Which side is more threatening anyway?
Of whom should I be more wary?
     Both?
     Neither?
     Have I already ruffled everyone's feathers?

Fence-sitting sounds so simple...
But it's not that easy.
     I still have fears.
     I still hesitate before saying I'm gay.
     I even hesitate before saying I'm Mormon. 

I have friends who don't understand, 
But who let me do my own thing;
No questions asked.
     Why don't they ask questions?
     With which part do they not agree?
It's exhausting to continually tailor my words
According to my company...

Do you know me?
Do you really know me?
Who do you think I am?
     Honestly.
I'm sorry, but,
     "You don’t know me,
      You don’t know me at all.
      You don’t know me,
      You don’t know me AT ALL."

I feel stuck.
Out of place.
Always wanting more gay friends...
     More straight friends...
     More Mormon friends...
     More gay Mormon friends...
                                              Who feel and think the way I do,
                                                   Truly,
                                              Not because it's the "right answer"
                                                   Or they can't make up their mind...
                        Who doesn't "really just want to watch each other sleep...
                        ...Sleep sleep sleep."
     More friends to occupy and distract my thoughts
From wandering and wondering what I wonder...
What to do...what to do?

I want to be in love.
I want to be head-over-heels.
I want to be wooed.
I want to want to woo.
I want a hand to hold. 
I want to care and not care.

When will I meet him?
Have I already met him?
Will I find him at school?
Work?
Through a friend?

Would acting on my activism help me find my partner in crime?

                    I want to have the courage...                                                            
                    I want to have the strength...                                                           
                    I want to have the drive...                                                               
                    I want to have the reason...                                                             
                    I want to have the security...                                                           
                    I want to have the voice...                                                              
                    I want to have the sense...                                                              
                    I want to have the stamina...                                                           
                    I want to have the energy...                                                            
                    I want to have the support...                                                           
                    I want to have the enthusiasm...                                                      
                    I want to have the confidence...                                                      

to

                                                                                             end the hate.
                                                                                    end the ignorance.
                                                                                           end the abuse.
                                                                                         end the disgust.
                                                                                 end the self-loathing.
                                                                                               end the lies.
                                                                                        end the suicides.
                                                                                  end the helplessness.
                                                                                 end the hopelessness.
                                                                                        end the excuses.
                                                                                           end the doubt.
                                                                                             end the fear.

What to do...what to do?
Fearlessly be myself.

Mono Lessons (Part IV: 67-82)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

67. A certain somebody snores.

68. Wrap it up.

69. The beauty of self-checkout in supermarkets.

70. Just because they’re your doctor doesn’t mean they’re right.

71. I already know and should quit pretending.

72. It feels good to give advice I’ve practiced myself.

73. Sometimes friends need a good ol’ figurative slap in the face.

74. Sometimes friends need a good ol’ literal slap in the face.

75. It’s really tough to get people to open their eyes. Especially in this place.

76. I have a lot of things I want to do.

77. I have passion.

78. It’s okay to tell people you have mono; they understand.

79. No matter how many people deny it, they hear mono and figure your lips get around.

80. Some people’s lips really do get around…

81. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small, small world.

82. Mono + Cold – Nasal Spray + Listerine Mouthwash = Attempted Suicide