Ignorant Remarks, Insensitive Timing - Their Injurious Consequences and the Impending Paradigm Shift

1.

"We must understand that any persuasion to enter into any relationship that is not in harmony with the principles of the gospel must be wrong."

A monogamous same-sex relationship in no way deviates from the principles of the gospel.  However, it is interpreted that since both members of the duo are of the same sex, this relationship is "unnatural."  "Unnatural" is a synonym for "wrong" in the LDS Church.  I believe life is too complicated to be described by plug outlets and pipe joints.  Of course a male joint won't attach to another male joint.  But you know what?  I'm not a plug.  I'm a human being.  I believe my biology, psychology, physiology, and spirituality are a bit more intricate than a plug's.  My point is, it's not black and white.  No matter how many times I say that, the people who think it is black and white are too insane (I mean that quite literally) to even consider other thinking.  You only become sane when you realize your own and the world's insanity - and change.

Who are you to define what is "natural" and what is not?  Lack of understanding about something doesn't make it "unnatural."  Take gravity, for instance.  I'm in physics and I know physicists know NOTHING about gravity.  It's the weirdest force.  It hasn't yet been "combined" with all of the other forces.  That's the purpose of the various grand unified theories out there (like String Theory).  Being the physics nerd I am, then, I have to pick at Elder Packer's quote about voting to change the law of gravity.

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What to do...what to do?

I have desires burning deep inside my soul.
They burn so hot and so real...
     My flesh tingles and flushes, 
     My eyes swell and drip,
     My vocal cords seize and scream.

Physics, psychology, math, poly sci, astronomy, photography...
Have I chosen the right thing?
     I want to make a difference.
     I want to speak out.
     I want to speak up.  
But I'm terrified to do more than I already am.
What to do...what to do?

Do I want to be an "activist?"
What is an activist?
Am I already one?
     Can a physics major be a gay activist?
     A gay Mormon activist?
     A gay Mormon physics major activist?
Is that allowed?

Is it dangerous?
Is it treacherous to pursue?
Which side is more threatening anyway?
Of whom should I be more wary?
     Both?
     Neither?
     Have I already ruffled everyone's feathers?

Fence-sitting sounds so simple...
But it's not that easy.
     I still have fears.
     I still hesitate before saying I'm gay.
     I even hesitate before saying I'm Mormon. 

I have friends who don't understand, 
But who let me do my own thing;
No questions asked.
     Why don't they ask questions?
     With which part do they not agree?
It's exhausting to continually tailor my words
According to my company...

Do you know me?
Do you really know me?
Who do you think I am?
     Honestly.
I'm sorry, but,
     "You don’t know me,
      You don’t know me at all.
      You don’t know me,
      You don’t know me AT ALL."

I feel stuck.
Out of place.
Always wanting more gay friends...
     More straight friends...
     More Mormon friends...
     More gay Mormon friends...
                                              Who feel and think the way I do,
                                                   Truly,
                                              Not because it's the "right answer"
                                                   Or they can't make up their mind...
                        Who doesn't "really just want to watch each other sleep...
                        ...Sleep sleep sleep."
     More friends to occupy and distract my thoughts
From wandering and wondering what I wonder...
What to do...what to do?

I want to be in love.
I want to be head-over-heels.
I want to be wooed.
I want to want to woo.
I want a hand to hold. 
I want to care and not care.

When will I meet him?
Have I already met him?
Will I find him at school?
Work?
Through a friend?

Would acting on my activism help me find my partner in crime?

                    I want to have the courage...                                                            
                    I want to have the strength...                                                           
                    I want to have the drive...                                                               
                    I want to have the reason...                                                             
                    I want to have the security...                                                           
                    I want to have the voice...                                                              
                    I want to have the sense...                                                              
                    I want to have the stamina...                                                           
                    I want to have the energy...                                                            
                    I want to have the support...                                                           
                    I want to have the enthusiasm...                                                      
                    I want to have the confidence...                                                      

to

                                                                                             end the hate.
                                                                                    end the ignorance.
                                                                                           end the abuse.
                                                                                         end the disgust.
                                                                                 end the self-loathing.
                                                                                               end the lies.
                                                                                        end the suicides.
                                                                                  end the helplessness.
                                                                                 end the hopelessness.
                                                                                        end the excuses.
                                                                                           end the doubt.
                                                                                             end the fear.

What to do...what to do?
Fearlessly be myself.

Fence-Sitting

Am I just crazy?
Am I missing something?
Am I just not with it any more?
Have I gone off the deep end?
Am I a lunatic?
I don't understand...

Why is it so difficult to comprehend being both Mormon and gay?
I don't think it's that difficult...
Why are you so worried about what everyone else thinks about you?
Why do they feel so compelled to live "all or nothing" lives?
Why do you want to conform?
Being Mormon is a part of you.
Being gay is a part of you.
Why deny either of those aspects?

Some call it fence-sitting.

If "fence-sitting" is what it takes so you don't kill yourself...
If "fence-sitting" is what it takes so you can finally find some peace in this life...
If "fence-sitting" is what it takes so you don't make the biggest mistake of your life...
If "fence-sitting" is what it takes for you to forgive yourself...
If "fence-sitting" is what it takes for you to forgive everyone else...
If "fence-sitting" is what it takes for you to be yourself...
If "fence-sitting" is what it takes to literally keep your sanity...
If "fence-sitting" is what it takes to truly soul-search...
If "fence-sitting" is what it takes to discover your own opinions and beliefs...
If "fence-sitting" is what it takes...
                                                        how on earth can it be so wrong?

The gays aren't right about everything.
The Mormons aren't right about everything.
They both have things to contribute.
They even coincide!

So...
Am I just crazy?
                                                       Or are you?
Am I missing something?
                                                       Or are you?
Am I just not with it any more?
                                                       Or are you?
Have I gone off the deep end? 
                                                       Or have you?
Am I a lunatic?
                                                       Or are you?
I don't understand...
                                                       you.

To all the (difficult) parents of gay children:

It's not a phase.
It won't change.
It can't change.

Do you honestly think your child would choose to be this way?
Why would you want your child to change?
Why do you want your child to change?
Why can't you love them the way they are?
It's not like you didn't have a suspicion...

It's not your "fault."
It's not their "fault."
You played enough catch with him.
You had enough tea parties with her.
He had enough interaction with you, dad.
And mom, you weren't "overbearing."

How dare you hit him?
How dare you slap her?
How dare you kick him out of your house?
How dare you call her those names?
How dare you disown your child?
Maybe you don't deserve to have your own child as part of your life anyway.

Don't you get it?
Your religion can't "save" him.
Your counselor can't "fix" her.
What is there to save?
What is there to fix?

Remember that thing called unconditional love?
Use it.

He confided in you because he trusts you.
She told you because she wants, no, needs your support.

What makes him happy?
What gives her joy?
Support that.
The rest will fall into place.

You don't hold the answer.
Neither do they.
Just hop on for the ride.
Take it day by day.