Time of Completion: 12/27/18 23:55 - My ER Residency is Over, So Here's a List

I spent the past…I don’t know how long…re-watching ER. Well, re-watching some of it while other parts were new to me. Tonight, I finished it. I’ll be brief.

I think the show still holds up today - each iteration it goes through.

I fell in love with the characters all over again.

So I’ve ranked them. And to all you ER fans out there - please fight me! I would love to debate ER characters with literally anyone. FIGHT ME.

As I now have an honorary degree in Emergency Medicine, without further ado, except the ado of some explanation of my list criteria, here it is…

I chose 7 criteria and weighted them as follows:

1. % of Series - How long were they on the show? Because longevity matters, but sometimes not a lot.

   • Weight: 7.5%

   • Max = Longest run on series is John Carter at 254 episodes.

   • To get this to a scale of 0-100, each characters’ number of episodes is divided by 254 rather than the total number of episodes (331) and multiplied by 100.

     • Example: John Carter = 254/254*100=100

     • Example: Doug Ross = 109/254*100=42.91

2. Entrance - How memorable or vital was their introduction to the show?

   • Weight: 5%

   • First impressions…

   • If they started the show, they get an automatic 100.

   • For guest stars, I’ve doubled their entrance score to 200 due to the fact that a guest star makes you gasp when you first see them. This is the only time someone is given more than 100 on any score.

3. Exit - How memorable or vital (or dramatic or fiery) was their (official final) departure from the show?

   • Weight: 10%

   • You remember the ones that go out with a BANG!

   • If they didn’t technically exit the show, meaning they stayed until the very end, they automatically receive a 100 for their perseverance.

4. Backstory - Do they have a compelling, believable, mostly explained, and somewhat interesting backstory?

   • Weight: 10%

5. Depth - Do they grow as an individual? Do they impact the lives of other doctors and nurses? Do they have life outside of the hospital? Do they have compelling personal and work issues? Do they draw you in to their story, make you fall in love with them, and cry?

   • Weight: 40%

6. Likability - Do you “like” the character? (Love to hate is complicated…Dr. Romano…)

   • Weight: 20%

7. Believability / Actor Execution - Was the character well-played by the actor and generally believable?

   • Weight: 7.5%

And now, with no context or explanation as to why I’ve given them the scores I did, here it is:

#	Character	Actor	% of Series	Entrance	Exit	Backstory	Depth	Likability	Believability/Actor Execution	Weighted Score
1	Abby Lockhart	Maura Tierney	74.41	100	100	100	100	100	100	98.08
2	Maggie Wyczenski	Sally Field	4.72	200	100	100	100	100	100	97.85
3	Mark Greene	Anthony Edwards	71.65	100	100	90	100	100	100	96.87
4	John Carter	Noah Wyle	100.00	100	75	90	100	90	100	94.50
5	Greg Pratt	Mekhi Phifer	53.54	90	100	90	100	85	100	92.02
6	Neela Rasgotra	Parminder Nagra	50.79	85	100	100	90	100	100	91.56
7	Carol Hathaway	Julianna Margulies	53.54	100	100	90	90	100	100	91.52
8	Jeanie Boulet	Gloria Reuben	40.55	80	100	100	80	100	100	86.54
9	Elizabeth Corday	Alex Kingston	62.99	100	100	55	80	100	100	84.72
10	Dr. Gabriel Lawrence	Alan Alda	1.97	200	100	100	70	90	100	83.65
11	Kerry Weaver	Laura Innes	98.43	100	60	90	80	80	90	82.13
12	Luka Kovač	Goran Visnjic	72.83	75	90	90	80	80	85	81.59
13	Lucy Knight	Kellie Martin	14.57	100	100	50	80	100	100	80.59
14	Catherine Banfield	Angela Bassett	8.27	75	100	100	80	75	100	78.87
15	Paul Nathan	Don Cheadle	1.57	200	100	100	70	70	90	78.87
16	Michael Gallant	Sharif Atkins	24.02	100	100	95	70	80	80	76.30
17	Sam Taggart	Linda Cardellini	49.61	100	100	90	70	70	75	75.35
18	Tony Gates	John Stamos	25.59	100	100	90	60	70	80	69.92
19	Doug Ross	George Clooney	42.91	100	80	80	50	80	90	66.97
20	Dr. Andrew Wade	Julian Morris	2.76	80	100	10	50	90	90	59.96
21	Susan Lewis	Sherry Stringfield	55.91	100	0	80	60	75	50	59.94
22	Peter Benton	Eriq La Salle	68.11	100	50	80	70	10	90	59.86
23	Dr. Victor Clemente	John Leguizamo	4.72	200	100	100	40	30	80	58.35
24	Frank Martin	Troy Evans	50.79	100	100	40	20	100	100	58.31
25	Alex Taggart	Oliver Davis / Dominic Janes	16.93	50	100	50	50	70	70	58.02
26	Eve Peyton	Kristen Johnston	2.36	200	100	100	30	50	70	57.43
27	Ray Barnett	Shane West	27.56	50	100	50	30	90	80	55.57
28	Jerry Markovic	Abraham Benrubi	53.94	100	100	30	20	100	70	55.30
29	Charlie 'Chaz' Pratt, Jr.	Sam Jones III	6.30	100	100	70	40	60	60	54.97
30	Haleh Adams	Yvette Freeman	72.44	100	100	10	15	100	100	54.93
31	Archie Morris	Scott Grimes	44.09	100	100	25	50	50	50	54.56
32	Chuny Marquez	Laura Cerón	86.22	100	100	10	10	100	100	53.97
33	Lydia Wright	Ellen Crawford	44.49	100	100	15	15	100	100	53.34
34	Simon Brenner	David Lyons	10.63	50	100	100	40	40	60	51.80
35	Dr. Kevin Moretti	Stanley Tucci	3.94	200	50	40	40	50	70	50.55
36	Makemba "Kem" Likasu-Carter	Thandie Newton	5.51	20	10	50	50	80	80	49.41
37	Dr. David Morgenstern	William H. Macy	12.20	100	100	50	30	50	80	48.92
38	Lily Jarvik	Lily Mariye	50.00	100	100	0	5	100	100	48.25
39	Conni Oligario	Conni Marie Brazelton	44.49	100	100	0	5	100	80	46.34
40	Hope Bobeck	Busy Philipps	5.51	100	100	50	10	100	25	46.29
41	Rachel Greene	Yvonne Zima / Hallee Hirsh	14.17	100	100	20	20	70	80	46.06
42	Dr. Janet Coburn	Amy Aquino	10.24	90	100	40	25	50	75	44.89
43	Dr. Paul Grady	Gil McKinney	9.06	30	100	10	20	90	75	44.80
44	Dr. Lucien Dubenko	Leland Orser	24.02	50	100	20	30	50	70	43.55
45	Malik McGrath	Deezer D	74.80	100	100	0	0	100	30	42.86
46	Al Boulet	Michael Beach / Wolfgang Bodison	7.87	40	80	20	50	20	80	42.59
47	Robert Romano	Paul McCrane	49.61	100	100	20	30	10	100	42.22
48	Dr. Harold Zelinsky	Steven Christopher Parker	4.33	100	20	10	25	80	100	41.82
49	Dr. Donald Anspaugh	John Aylward	29.13	100	100	20	10	60	80	41.19
50	Miranda "Randi" Fronczak	Kristin Minter	27.95	100	50	10	5	100	80	41.10
51	Eric Wyczenski	Tom Everett Scott	3.15	50	0	40	60	20	65	39.61
52	Sarah Riley	Chloe Greenfield	9.45	20	100	80	20	30	50	37.46
53	Steve Curtis	Garret Dillahunt / Cole Hauser	3.54	30	70	30	40	10	100	37.27
54	Chloe Lewis	Kathleen Wilhoite	7.48	100	100	80	10	30	40	36.56
55	Carla Reece	Lisa Nicole Carson	11.42	30	0	40	50	30	50	36.11
56	Yoshi Takata	Gedde Watanabe	22.83	100	0	5	5	100	70	34.46
57	Dr. Jane Figler	Sara Gilbert	5.91	100	30	0	10	80	80	34.44
58	Cleo Finch	Michael Michele	21.65	30	0	10	50	30	50	33.87
59	Dr. Dustin Crenshaw	J. P. Manoux	9.45	75	100	0	15	10	90	29.21
60	Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen	Ming-Na	46.46	20	20	15	30	20	40	26.98
61	Dave Malucci	Erik Palladino	18.50	20	10	0	10	75	50	26.14
62	Cynthia Hooper	Mariska Hargitay	5.12	80	0	80	10	20	40	23.38
63	Anna Del Amico	Maria Bello	9.84	20	0	0	20	50	30	21.99
64	Dr. Maggie Doyle	Jorja Fox	12.99	20	0	0	15	40	25	17.85
65	Dr. Skye Wexler	Kari Matchett	1.97	100	0	10	0	10	20	9.65

Fight me.

MONO Lessons (Part XV: 300 - 320)

Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons

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300. Some places are just not worth spending the time, energy, and money to eat (particularly gluten-free) at.  I apologize for ending that sentence with a preposition.

301. It’s hard enough for me without the perpetual snide comments.

302. Mood changes can be sudden and unannounced with an obviously noticeable shift as well as sudden and announced with no detectable actual change.

303. Flash drives can never be solely trusted.

304. I feel extremely gratified when my re-petition is approved and I got everything I wanted in the first place.

305. Pride will forever be a gluten-free food that I will be swallowing regularly.

306. I can even survive 8+ vials of blood being taken from my arm!

307. It’s really weird knowing more than your own doctor…you know…the one who knows everything.

308. Back on May 3, 2010, I realized I was in limerence with her.  That’s what happened!  You can be in limerence with the “wrong” gender.  Now I finally have a name for it!

309. These foods, oddly, have gluten in them:

a. Soy Sauce

b. Teriyaki Sauce

c. Blue Cheese

d. Marinades and Seasonings

e. Couscous – it’s actually a pasta

f. Malt (malt anything comes from barley)

g. Caramel Flavor

h. Caramel Color (but usually not any more)

i. Roasted/Glazed/Candied Nuts

j. Vitamins

k. Gravy

l. Oats…kind of…but not really.  They are all too often contaminated with gluten, but don’t possess any of their own gluten.  This is always a wonderful conversation starter.  (See Lesson 274)

m. Tofu.  Wha?!  I know, right?  Stupid wheat fillers.  (As a side note, Kofu is 99.999% pure gluten.  Note to self: Definitely avoid Kofu.)

n. Licorice

o. Imitation seafood, like imitation crab

310. These foods are shockingly gluten-free

a. Buckwheat

b. Glutinous rice

c. Corn gluten

d. Wheat grass

e. Fruity Pebbles – For some odd reason I assumed they were gluteny…

f. Rumbi’s chicken.  I swear to you, everyone else’s chicken is marinated in gluten!

311. My potassium STILL isn’t as high as I was hoping.  What the crap?!?  No wonder my heart still has episodes.

312. It’s nice to be on the same page this time around.  Thanks for giving me a break this time around, universe.

313. “Don’t look for Mr. Right, be Mr. Right and the rest will fall into place.” – MB

314. As usual, summer brings people out of the woodwork.

315. Scalp Oil + Shower Cap + Big Gun Acne Spot Treatment + Extra Lotion Around Lips = Jason Looks Like a Freaking Monster at Bedtime

316. I now have empathy for people with scalp issues ranging from mild dandruff to full-fledged scalp psoriasis.

317. Writing and mailing letters to people is really rather fun.

318. Sometimes I go WAY too long without writing mono lessons.  They then get backed up (constipated, if you will) in my brain and then finally spill out all over the place.

319. A lot can change in a year.  Namely feelings.  Stupid fickle feelings.

320. Oddly, confusion is sometimes rather peaceful.  Wha?

Mono Lessons (Part VII: 121-140)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

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121. I’m picky.

122. I can pop 34 individual joints plus my neck and back. Ha.

123. My multi-vitamin doesn’t have potassium in it.

124. Some things need my attention more than others.

125. Gay marriage might not be the best solution… Didn’t think I’d say that, did ya?

126. Patience: I don’t have a lot…so I’ve sure had a lot to gain.

127. Downtown Denny’s has a VERY different crowd than our local Cottonwood Heights Denny’s at 1am.

128. This place is full of fuckheads. Pardon me.

129. I give SLCC a lot of (somewhat undeserved) crap. However, there does exist an even less respectable school to attend. I’ll refrain from naming it right now…. Care to guess what it is? No, not BYU....

130. A fast-dripping IV creates one of the strangest internal sensations I’ve ever felt.

131. When 4 people are tag teaming you in an ER room, it’s easier to ignore the fact that at least five vials of blood are being drawn from your arm.

132. December 14, 2009 at approximately 10:15pm: the exact moment I forgave Michael and myself for everything regarding that experience...and then some. Took me 2.5 years. Yes!!!

133. Even if I’m not proud of my past, I need to take responsibility and ownership of it. It makes me who I am today.

134. “Reparative” therapy may not be the devil’s work as I once thought. My own attempt at self-“reparative” therapy was anything but fun and/or successful, but again, the experience helped make me the secure person I am today. How can I deny someone that experience?

135. My reaction to “reparative” therapy is like that of a parent watching their child go through an experience they wish they didn’t have to watch. The kind of experience the parent wishes their child could learn without having to actually experience the experience. But unfortunately, most people only truly learn what they need to by going through those intense experiences.

136. Forgiveness is one of the hardest tasks to accomplish. It is also one of the most relieving and worthwhile things to accomplish.

137. Forgiveness can take for.e.ver.

138. You definitely can’t always trust your doctor. Question everything.

139. The changes I have been waiting for are actually happening. I don’t like it.

140. A certain someone is more than incompetent, they’re an asshole too.