MONO Lessons (Part XIV: 271- 299)

Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons


271. I think someone has ADD…

272. Almond Breeze is my favorite milk replacement.  Mmmm

273. They make butters other than peanut butter.

274. Oats are a major topic of conversation.  Especially among Celiacs.

275. Immune systems are actually supposed to stop a cold from taking over your body.  Mine did that for the first time in years!  Hooray!

276. The Stanford Prison Experiment.  Ryan and I rocked this thing.

277. Gluten antibodies attack and chop down the villi in my small intestines.  Lactase, the enzyme that breaks down lactose, is created in the tip of the villi.  Hence, I will seem “lactose intolerant” until my villi grow back.

278. “Wheat-free” does NOT infer “gluten-free.”

279. Blogging is like a disease.  A rather contagious disease.

280. I’m a gatekeeper.

281. I live my life as an oxymoron.  I love oxymorons and paradoxes.

282. Mayonnaise is evil.  Of the devil, if you will.

283. I am eternally grateful for my past.  Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

284. I am infinitely relieved to have made it through the reconciliation brawl physically alive, psychologically intact, mentally resilient, and spiritually affirmed.

285. “He’s not cute enough to be gay!” – SH.  I then burst out laughing.

286. Late at night, even regular humans can suddenly become cute, cuddly zombies.

287. I attached to UTemps like it was a person…

288. These tremendously complex bodies are bound to have a few minor errors.

289. Slumdog Millionaire is simply unbelievable and moves me in a way no movie ever has.

290. Really.  It’s not me!  It’s everybody else…. Trust me.

291. It’s not fair.  And that will continue to resonate in my mind.  It’s simply not fair.

292. Outback is a GF Mecca.  P.F. Chang's can be Mecca #2.

293. I think about them every single day…

294. “When in doubt, leave it out.” – Danna Korn from Living Gluten-Free for Dummies

295. Gluten could be the answer behind everything.

296. Some servers can really surprise me with their gluten-free skill and memory.  Really, though, he should have written it all down…I’m complicated.

297. I will meet my soul mate at Whole Foods.  I’m convinced.  See “Aaron the Whole Foods Boy."

298. Windows 7 doesn’t like power outages.

299. That said, F6 is the secret, magical, earth-saving button.

One Year Ago Today...

One year ago today...

I started getting a "cold"...
                                            Which turned into a "sinus infection"...
                                                                                                            Mono the whole time

I'd only had my blood drawn twice in 20 years
I had never regularly broken out in hives
My heart arrhythmia was as common as a Venus transit
All tea tasted like hay
The "Mono Lessons" began to occur but were not yet being documented
"Tired" had a completely different meaning

I had a great job
I had the most incredible coworkers
I was taking my first business trip
We were as strong as ever
We were beginning to truly bond
The end was at least 2 years away
                                                         ...not 6 months

Life wasn't as hemorrhoidy and didn't sting
Life wasn't as bloated
Life wasn't as constipated
But it was a bit...irregular
I ate whatever the hell I wanted
I weighed 170 lbs

I wasn't as experienced
I wasn't as empathetic
I wasn't as forgiving
Lisa hadn't yet changed my life
I wasn't as patient
I wasn't as friendly
I wasn't as mindful

I didn't know I'd be so happy to have the last year behind me

...one year ago today.

Mono Lessons (Part IV: 67-82)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.


67. A certain somebody snores.

68. Wrap it up.

69. The beauty of self-checkout in supermarkets.

70. Just because they’re your doctor doesn’t mean they’re right.

71. I already know and should quit pretending.

72. It feels good to give advice I’ve practiced myself.

73. Sometimes friends need a good ol’ figurative slap in the face.

74. Sometimes friends need a good ol’ literal slap in the face.

75. It’s really tough to get people to open their eyes. Especially in this place.

76. I have a lot of things I want to do.

77. I have passion.

78. It’s okay to tell people you have mono; they understand.

79. No matter how many people deny it, they hear mono and figure your lips get around.

80. Some people’s lips really do get around…

81. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small, small world.

82. Mono + Cold – Nasal Spray + Listerine Mouthwash = Attempted Suicide

Mono Lessons (Part II: 25-50)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.


25. How to say NO without using the word “mono.”

26. How to say NO with using the word “mono.” This one is harder.

27. One of my leading love languages, when it comes to showing my love for others, is gift giving.

28. I get offended when someone refuses a gift.

29. How to utilize Facebook Text Message.

30. I hold grudges. But not many.

31. I can release grudges.

32. Time FLIES!!!

33. Power Ranger costumes are hotter than hell.

34. I actually love my coworkers because they are my friends.

35. I like herbal tea.

36. Not ALL green tea tastes like hay. Just most green tea tastes like hay.

37. I hate relationship labels.

38. People don’t change. They think they’re changing for the “better,” but they’re only getting worse.

39. Some people are complete and utter douche bags.

40. It’s cathartic to tell a complete and utter douche bag that they’re a douche bag.

41. I dated an amateur porn star. If you want to call it that, I guess. It’s not worth watching. Trust me.

42. I really don’t care for high school flashbacks. Really.

43. When you have mono, “it’s getting late” is said around 5pm.

44. An unbelievable amount of mucus can reside in your sinus cavity.

45. Allie is an undercover Tylenol sales representative. A rather pushy one.

46. Normal cold medicines don’t have enough drug in one dose to actually do anything.

47. Take 2+ doses of cold medicine to feel some relief or take larger amounts of separate, different drugs.

48. Honesty is the best policy.

49. There’s no reason to settle.

50. Some hair dyes will stain your pillow.