Calibration Catalyst

Like a taut bundle of wire through my being,
my soul,
the alignment centers...grounds...elevates.
From my niche in the center of Earth,
my cord soars to the heart
of beautifully obstructive satellite.
Veiling Light, Moon accelerates unnoticed life.
My pillar perforates until it again finds Light,
flows toward the nucleus of Sun
and beyond - to the center of center.
Beginning connects present connects end.
Masculine is feminine
and feminine is masculine.
Ancient DNA frightened and enlightened.
Coronal fringes wisp and flutter,
midday twilight and encircling sunset
the only reminders.
Time stops -- no -- time disappears as Sun.
Time doesn't exist.
Time is still - 
until the diamond explodes with delightful disappointment
and propulsion to blinding so-called reality.
The infinite two minutes and twenty two seconds again finite.
Energetic bundle still taut but vibrating with higher frequency.
Hastening healing,
Expediting enlightenment,
Intensifying intuition,
Accelerating awareness,
Enhancing empathy,
Flying fearlessly forward.

NASA: 2017 Eclipse: Earth, Moon and Sun

Simple Pleasures

Stepping on gooey tar on a hot summer day.

Newly painted street lines (especially on a newly surfaced street).

Freezing cold tap water in the dead of winter.

Slipping into a bed with fresh, clean linen just after a shower.

Staring at your favorite piece of art when no one understands why you love it so much.

Staying up too late reading a textbook that's just too good to put down.

Daiquiri Ice.

Pants that fit.

Blogging.

Orange chocolate.

Mint chocolate.

Raspberry chocolate.

Chips and salsa.

The complete and utter silence during a heavy winter snowstorm.

Listening to the same amazing song over and over and over again.

Staying up way too late watching TV on my MacBook in bed.

Lunch at University Hospital.

Computers that work.

Friday nights.

Secondhand smoke-induced Europe flashbacks. 

Juicy nose-clearing sneezes.

Laughgasms - aka, Laughing Attacks.

She Spies and D.D. Cummings.

ThinkGeek.

Gay cinema.

Cuddling with my boyfriend.

Marilyn Monroe.

World.

Burdened Bench

Hobos sleep
Kids climb
Women breastfeed
Lovers cuddle
Parents watch
Cats catnap
Dogs are tethered
Birds drop
Gossip whispers
Newspaper reads
Women womanized
Men hypermasculinized
Passers-by people-watched
Hair mocked
Clothing scoffed
Jealousy onlooks
Coworkers conspire
Strangers confide
Always vacant
Until needed

What a burden for slabs of wood and cast metal to uphold.

Inspired by:

Garry Winogrand
World's Fair
New York, 1964

This I Know

I would give my life if it would save even one person from having to go through the mental misery, emotional agony, and spiritual hell I went through to get where I am today.

This I know:
God exists.
I am one of His children.
He loves me.
He wants me to be happy.
He will help me find happiness here in this life and in the next.
I can have a personal relationship with Him.
He will answer me.
God knows I'm gay.
My spirit was "gay" before I was born into this life.
I will be "gay" in the afterlife.
It's okay.
I can have an eternal family with another man.
I can have spirit children with another man.
The Church's current stance on gays is simply incorrect.
One day more will be revealed.

Leaves

I want to leave this place.
I want to be somewhere lacking majority;
everyone is minority;
no privilege;
and that's what makes it perfect.

I want to leave this place.
I want to live somewhere I "belong";
extra-long stares and gawks unthinkable;
no double-takes;
and my normal is (your) normal too.

I want to leave this place.
I want to settle somewhere safe;
drama and heartache more bearable;
no knives in back;
and knowing someone has mine.

I want to leave this place.
I want to reside somewhere rich in kahones;
label dodging unnecessary;
no fear of being found out;
and we all have the balls to be.

I want to leave this place.
I want to exist somewhere that gives a damn;
bullying and suicide not taken lightly;
no 'jokes or 'phobes;
and hateful misunderstanding has no clout.

I want to leave this place.
I want to stay somewhere gray;
black and white absurd;
no "my way" nor "highway";
and being is not "just a phase."

I want to leave this place.
I want to dwell somewhere dreamlike;
this destination nonexistent;
nowhere is this blissful;
and what makes me think leaving will help?

All this tiredness is making me sleepy.

I'm tired of being treated differently.
I'm so over being an exception.
I'm sick of everything I say and do being new, different, and "outside the box."
I'm spent making statements - political, social, religious...  
I'm done being "special." *gag* 

I'm tired of dodging possibly intellectual conversations.
I'm annoyed by the clumsy small talk.
I've had it with being the elephant in the room.
I'm worn out by my constantly burning ears.
I'm exhausted from hesitating.

I'm tired of being "abnormal."
I've had it up to here being called "homosexual."
I'm burnt out calling him "just a friend."
I'm disgusted with being your "gay friend."
I'm fed up with being the resident "gay couple."

I'm tired of being marginalized.
I'm tired of being classified. 
I'm tired of being compared - to gays, straights, and everyone in between...
I'm tired of being discriminated.
I'm tired of being stereotyped.

I'm tired of being an agenda.

I'm Jason.

The Damage Is Done

You're a fraud
You're a liar
You're a hypocrite
You're despicable
You're disgusting
You're not the role model you think you are
You're not credible
You're ruining people's lives
You're ruining your own...

I can't believe how much I respected you
I can't believe now much I wanted to be you
I can't believe I wasted so much life on you
I can't believe I expended so many brain cells to understand you
...to identify with you
...to commiserate with you
Yet now I despise and resent you

You made me miserable...suicidal
Your latest actions are disgusting
What are you trying to prove?
You can't change it and you know it

Why won't you just shut up and go away now?
You've done enough damage