Thank U

On a slightly less serious note, but still just as profound as my previous blog, here are some more college "Thank U"'s:

Neti Pot

Neti Pot

Thank U, Matt, for talking to me about gross neti pot and other sinus cleaning things.  And for being my first kiss.  Yep, I publicly admitted it.

Thank U, Spencer, for reminding me how fun (and insanely weird and confusing) it is to be young.

Thank U, LeAnn, for being my big sister.

LeAnn Rimes

LeAnn Rimes

Thank U, Rachel, for being my gluten-free rock.

Thank U, Kelly, for brightening my Noodle-filled dinners.

Thank U, Kelsey, for encouraging me to ride the shuttle...YOUR shuttle.  Also, for the many blonde moments you give my life.

THE Judy McLane & The Brandon Suisseat the stage door of Mamma Mia!

THE Judy McLane & The Brandon Suisse
at the stage door of Mamma Mia!

Thank U, Brandon, for being my own personal theatre encyclopedia.

Thank U, Judy, for bringing me theatre that makes me feel.

Thank U, Rachael, for being somebody I know on the radio and for sometimes telling me the news when I wake up.

 

 

"You Lost!"I see this a lot with him...

"You Lost!"
I see this a lot with him...

Thank U, Jesse, for always playing every "With Friends" game with me...even though you always win.  I hope I at least give you a good challenge every now and then!

Thank U, Dylan, for incessantly torturing me with your charming good looks and personality.  You nerd!

Imogen Heap

Imogen Heap

Thank U, Imogen, for numbing the pain, lessening the anxiety, and inspiring awe.

Thank U, Max, for being a crazy funny bisexual hipster...whatever that is...

Thank U, Brendan, for being okay with me accidentally stalking you in the Union for a couple of weeks before I even knew you.

Thank U, Melissa, for marrying a straight man.  ;-)  Oh, and for every single thing you taught me.

Thank U, Davey Wavey and Haley Star, for adding some much-needed humor (and abdominal muscles) to my life.

 

 

 

Thank U, Sam, for singing.  Please don't stop. I heart you.

"Angel" by Vinyl Tapestries (aka, Sam)

Thank U, Medium, FlashForward, Glee, Desperate Housewives, Fringe, The Amazing Race, The Middle, Modern Family, Parks and Recreation, The Office, The Sing Off, New Girl, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Happy Endings and Seinfeld, for making my life seem so boring, yet so much LESS dramatic than I tend to think it is.

Thank U, Tron: Legacy, Sucker Punch, Midnight in Paris, The Help, Inception, Shutter Island, Slumdog Millionaire, Killers, and Zombieland, for the escape and stimulation.

Thank U, sexuality.
Thank U, rapture.
Thank U, music.
Thank U, UTemps.
Thank U, PTC.
Thank U, "ah-ha!" moments.
Thank U, mono.
Thank U, Westminster, CO.
Thank U, Apple.
Thank U, iPhone.
Thank U, Cymbalta.
Thank U, Disneyland.
Thank U, Proposition 8.
Thank U, Packer.
Thank U, Cupid.
Thank U, pride.
Thank U, gluten.

Thank U.

I Believe

"I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows..."

Wait...no, no.  Don't worry.  I'm not going to start out with a cheesy LeAnn Rimes song.  No, what I want to talk about is all my traditionally sacrilegious beliefs.

Yep, you guessed it!  A list:

My Sacrilegious Articles of Faith

planet.jpg
alien.png
God...doing science

God...doing science

  1. I believe there are other intelligent beings in our universe that we may one day contact.
  2. I believe I will one day have my own planet. 
  3. I believe I can have spirit children with another man. 
  4. I believe Jesus Christ married Mary Magdalene.
  5. I believe Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene had children with each other. 
  6. I believe the "Plan of Salvation" also fits for LGBT+ individuals. 
  7. I believe in aliens...to an extent. 
  8. I believe LDS prophets are men, not divine beings speaking only truth. 
  9. I believe I have a Heavenly Father as well as a Heavenly Mother. 
  10. I believe God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are three separate and individual beings united in purpose. 
  11. I believe polygamy should be legal - as well as any other type of polyamory. 
  12. I believe I was gay in the pre-existence.
  13. I believe I was born gay.
  14. I believe I will be gay in the next life. 
  15. I believe "being gay" is part of my soul. 
  16. I believe a woman has the right to choose whether to carry her baby to full term or abort it. 
  17. I believe in the powerful potential of stem cells and in fully funding stem cell research. 
  18. I believe gender and sexuality are not solidified and constant. 
  19. I believe God is the perfect scientist. 
  20. I believe women can lead religious congregations. 
  21. I believe.

Wooooo....I'm so liiiiiiiberrrrrrrallllllll!

Go ahead, un-follow me, defriend me, un... + me?  Or just comment - that's more fun for both of us anyway.

"Destructive" by LeAnn Rimes

This is one of my very favorite angry, I-hate-the-world, leave-me-alone-I'm-raging-pissed songs.  For me, it's all in the lyrics and vocals.  For others, it's in screaming and loud noises.  Those of you that prefer screaming and loud noises may not appreciate this song the same way I do, but that's okay.  Anyway, I got SO excited when I found out she was performing a sessions-type version of this song for Live from Abbey Road.  Ever since I first heard this song on her album Whatever We Wanna, I wanted to see her passion when performing it.

Here, at 08:05, LeAnn talks about the song before performing it. The lyrics are provided below.

I cannot embed the video with the 08:05 start time without it autoplaying, so either navigate to that start time or click HERE to go to vimeo and watch starting at that time.

"Destructive" - LeAnn Rimes

If I could smoke a cigarette right now, I would
Rip out of my skin, commit the sins, oh I could
If I could break a heart and throw it all away for just one night
My conscience wouldn't care if I just went ahead and wrecked my life.

I want to be destructive
Trash everything in site
Beat the Devil at his game
Abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
One loud aching scream
Don't want anybody wanting anything from me

Yeah, yeah…

I'm sick of being perfect
With your perfect little smile
Pick a fight with danger
Be a stranger to myself for a while
I want to come unraveled
And have it out with my soul
I'm tired of all the voices telling me which way to go,
I wish you'd silence your opinion
That's the last thing that I want to know

I want to be destructive
Trash everything in site
Beat the Devil at his game
Abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
One loud aching scream
Don't want anybody wanting anything from me

I'll fell better when I'm sane
But now I want to feel no pain
I'm really sick of thinking
I just want to be destructive

Oh, oh, oh…yeah…

I want to be destructive
Trash everything in site
Beat the Devil at his game
Abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
One loud aching scream
Don't want anybody wanting anything from me

Yeah, yeah…

"Strong" by LeAnn Rimes

Here is my third favorite song.  Honestly, the lyrics describe it all.  Oh how I love you, LeAnn.  The "money maker" at the end is my favorite part.  :-)

This comes from LeAnn Rimes' international album called Whatever We Wanna.  Unfortunately, it has become a bit difficult to purchase.  Anyway, this is arguably LeAnn's best album.  Country?  In short, no...not at all, thank you.

"Strong" - LeAnn Rimes

The light of my life's been stolen
I've walked in every shade of black
And I never thought I would get me back
It's funny how life can change you
And make you who you are today
I wonder if God set it up that way
For me to be...

Strong, even when it hurts
The heat, it's gonna burn
Gotta let it go
Strong, Strong
Make a big mistake and never run away

There's nothing like this feeling
To be free and unafraid
Who ever thought I could be this brave
Learning every day?

Strong, even when it hurts
The heat, it's gonna burn
Gotta let it go
Strong, Strong
Make a big mistake and never run away

I wanna push away the boundaries
I wanna love outside the lines
I wanna stare at the sun beam
Don't care if I go blind
Whatever comes
Whatever breaks
I'll stand up straight

Strong, even when it hurts
The heat, it's gonna burn
Gotta let it go
Strong, Strong
Make a big mistake and never run away
Never run away,
No, no, no!
Strong!

Strong!

Aaron the Whole Foods Boy

"Aaron the Whole Foods Boy" by Jason Hoggan
(Inspired by Kristin Chenoweth's "Taylor the Latte Boy")

There's a boy I'll meet at Whole Foods
Who is very diet contentious
He is very diet contentious because of many things.

I come in at 7:30 (PM, of course) and head straight for the bulk whole raw cashews.
We all love our bulk whole raw cashews
They make our taste buds grow wings!

So today at 7:30 (PM, of course)
I realized this is probably where I'll meet him
This is probably where I'll meet him
But near some obscure gluten-free food

So today at 7:30 (PM, of course), when I headed straight for the bulk whole raw cashews
I took a sharp turn to the right instead
And headed toward the blessèd nut thins

And I pondered, "Are these obscure enough?"
"Probably not.  They're pretty picked over and popular."
I bet his name will be Aaron,
Which provides the inspiration for this poem:

Aaron the Whole Foods boy
Bring me gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, bring me joy!
Oh Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...

So I'd like to get my nerve up
And search a new GF aisle
He'll be on a new GF aisle
By an extremely obscure food
So today at 7:30, I went down another GF aisle
There I see a boy humming LeAnn Rimes with hot, sexy red hair!

As I quickly glide toward him, I chime in to his humming
It's "Something I Can Feel"! (Thank goodness not something cliché!)
So I gently tap his shoulder, and mouth the words to the song
And I knew his singing back meant that Aaron loved me too!
I said, "What's that in your hand there?  And by the way, I love your red hair..."
He said, "Gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free cookies and this box right here is just for you!"

*sigh* 

Aaron the Whole Foods boy
Bring me gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, bring me joy!
Oh Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...

I used to be the kind of guy
Who'd cringe when love stood in front of him.
But finally a blood test whispered, "Love can be yours
If you venture into Whole Foods for GF delights!"

Aaron the Whole Foods boy
Bring me gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, bring me joy!
Oh Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...

So many months my heart has dreamèd,
Who'd have thought that love could be so gluten-free?

Aaron the Whole Foods boy

I love him, I love him, I love him...
I love him, I love him, I love him...


"Taylor the Latte Boy" by Kristin Chenoweth (Lyrics provided below.)

There's a boy who works at Starbucks
Who is very inspirational.
He is very inspirational because of many things.

I come in at 8:11, and he smiles and says, "How are you?"
When he smiles and says, "How are you?"
I could swear my heart grows wings!

So today at 8:11
I decided I should meet him
I decided I should meet him
In a proper formal way.

So today at 8:11 when he smiled and said "How are you?"
I said "Fine, and my name's Kristin,"
And he softly answered, "Hey."

And I said "My name is Kristin, and thank you for the extra foam..."
And he said his name was Taylor,
Which provides the inspiration for this poem:

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...

So I'd like to get my nerve up
To recite my poem musical.
He would like the fact it's musical
Because he plays guitar.
So today at 8:11, Taylor told me he was playing
In a band down in the village in the basement of a bar.

And he smoothly flipped the lever to prepare my double latte,
But for me he made it triple! (And he didn't think I knew)
But I saw him flip the lever, and for me he made it triple,
And I knew that triple latte meant that Taylor loved me too!
I said, "What time are you playing? And thank you for the extra skin..."
He said, "Keep the $3.55," because this triple latte was on him.

*sigh*

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...

I used to be the kind of girl
Who'd run when love rushed toward her.
But finally a voice whispered, "Love can be yours,
If you step up to the counter and order."

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,

I love him, I love him, I love him...

So many years my heart has waited,
Who'd have thought that love could be so caffeinated?

Taylor, the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him.
I love him, I love him, I love him. 

Special thanks to Maren Ritter for being the reason I love this song so!

21 Years Worth of Gluten

I'm 21 today.

            What does that mean?

Renewing driver license.
A new driver license picture.
One year closer to getting own insurance.
Andrew Legend is 19 and somehow still running...for now.
No cake or pie. They all have gluten and/or dairy in them.
21+ concert venues and no missing Missy, Pat, or LeAnn any more.
5 leap-days have made my birthday feel one day late.
Only one other person exists with this same birthday.
(Happy birthday to her!)
Checking in to any hotel.
21 years worth of gluten.
Gambling tuition money away.
One year closer to renting a car.
Most of that 21st year was spent ill.
Could have been legally smoking for 2 years.
Could have been getting back from my mission soon. Ha.
Now an adult. Whatever the hell that means.
2.5 years left of undergraduateness.
March 1st has yet again snuck up on us all.
February is still shorter than all the other months.
Escaped from high school 3 years ago.
"Jase" was renounced 13 years ago.
All that is wanted...needed...is birthday cash.
Regular multivitamin and supplement schedule.
Legal porn viewing in all 50 states.
No longer in the limbo of 20.
13 years of being LeAnn's #1 fan.
5 LeAnn Rimes concerts...ready for 50 more.
6 down, 1 to go.  Alanis...come on.  I'm waiting.
"Out" (whatever that means) for 3 years and 3 months.  Wow.
Lucky number 7's chance has officially arrived.
A consistent pattern of facial hair can be kept.
I get to read my seminary letters.
Adult, horizontally oriented driver license.

Oh yeah...

    And I guess I can now legally drink, huh?

Fun.