Thank U

On a slightly less serious note, but still just as profound as my previous blog, here are some more college "Thank U"'s:

Neti Pot

Thank U, Matt, for talking to me about gross neti pot and other sinus cleaning things.  And for being my first kiss.  Yep, I publicly admitted it.

Thank U, Spencer, for reminding me how fun (and insanely weird and confusing) it is to be young.

Thank U, LeAnn, for being my big sister.

LeAnn Rimes

Thank U, Rachel, for being my gluten-free rock.

Thank U, Kelly, for brightening my Noodle-filled dinners.

Thank U, Kelsey, for encouraging me to ride the shuttle...YOUR shuttle.  Also, for the many blonde moments you give my life.

THE Judy McLane & The Brandon Suisse
at the stage door of Mamma Mia!

Thank U, Brandon, for being my own personal theatre encyclopedia.

Thank U, Judy, for bringing me theatre that makes me feel.

Thank U, Rachael, for being somebody I know on the radio and for sometimes telling me the news when I wake up.

"You Lost!"
I see this a lot with him...

Thank U, Jesse, for always playing every "With Friends" game with me...even though you always win.  I hope I at least give you a good challenge every now and then!

Thank U, Dylan, for incessantly torturing me with your charming good looks and personality.  You nerd!

Imogen Heap

Thank U, Imogen, for numbing the pain, lessening the anxiety, and inspiring awe.

Thank U, Max, for being a crazy funny bisexual hipster...whatever that is...

Thank U, Brendan, for being okay with me accidentally stalking you in the Union for a couple of weeks before I even knew you.

Thank U, Melissa, for marrying a straight man.  ;-)  Oh, and for every single thing you taught me.

Thank U, Davey Wavey and Haley Star, for adding some much-needed humor (and abdominal muscles) to my life.

Thank U, Sam, for singing.  Please don't stop. I heart you.

"Angel" by Vinyl Tapestries (aka, Sam)

Thank U, Medium, FlashForward, Glee, Desperate Housewives, Fringe, The Amazing Race, The Middle, Modern Family, Parks and Recreation, The Office, The Sing Off, New Girl, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Happy Endings and Seinfeld, for making my life seem so boring, yet so much LESS dramatic than I tend to think it is.

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Thank U, Tron: Legacy, Sucker Punch, Midnight in Paris, The Help, Inception, Shutter Island, Slumdog Millionaire, Killers, and Zombieland, for the escape and stimulation.

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Thank U, sexuality.
Thank U, rapture.
Thank U, music.
Thank U, UTemps.
Thank U, PTC.
Thank U, "ah-ha!" moments.
Thank U, mono.
Thank U, Westminster, CO.
Thank U, Apple.
Thank U, iPhone.
Thank U, Cymbalta.
Thank U, Disneyland.
Thank U, Proposition 8.
Thank U, Packer.
Thank U, Cupid.
Thank U, pride.
Thank U, gluten.

Thank U.

"My Humps" by Alanis Morissette (Black Eyed Peas Cover)

Hilarious.  Yes, I know I'm a dork for loving this.  You are too.  (I apologize if you see a commercial at the beginning of this.  Finding a good quality video of this hilariousness was far too difficult.)

Alanis Morissette parodie "My Humps" by ineptique

Here's the Black Eyed Peas original version:

It's really a tossup as to which one is better, huh?

Aaron the Whole Foods Boy

"Aaron the Whole Foods Boy" by Jason Hoggan
(Inspired by Kristin Chenoweth's "Taylor the Latte Boy")

There's a boy I'll meet at Whole Foods
Who is very diet contentious
He is very diet contentious because of many things.

I come in at 7:30 (PM, of course) and head straight for the bulk whole raw cashews.
We all love our bulk whole raw cashews
They make our taste buds grow wings!

So today at 7:30 (PM, of course)
I realized this is probably where I'll meet him
This is probably where I'll meet him
But near some obscure gluten-free food

So today at 7:30 (PM, of course), when I headed straight for the bulk whole raw cashews
I took a sharp turn to the right instead
And headed toward the blessèd nut thins

And I pondered, "Are these obscure enough?"
"Probably not.  They're pretty picked over and popular."
I bet his name will be Aaron,
Which provides the inspiration for this poem:

Aaron the Whole Foods boy
Bring me gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, bring me joy!
Oh Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...

So I'd like to get my nerve up
And search a new GF aisle
He'll be on a new GF aisle
By an extremely obscure food
So today at 7:30, I went down another GF aisle
There I see a boy humming LeAnn Rimes with hot, sexy red hair!

As I quickly glide toward him, I chime in to his humming
It's "Something I Can Feel"! (Thank goodness not something cliché!)
So I gently tap his shoulder, and mouth the words to the song
And I knew his singing back meant that Aaron loved me too!
I said, "What's that in your hand there?  And by the way, I love your red hair..."
He said, "Gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free cookies and this box right here is just for you!"

*sigh* 

Aaron the Whole Foods boy
Bring me gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, bring me joy!
Oh Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...

I used to be the kind of guy
Who'd cringe when love stood in front of him.
But finally a blood test whispered, "Love can be yours
If you venture into Whole Foods for GF delights!"

Aaron the Whole Foods boy
Bring me gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, bring me joy!
Oh Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...

So many months my heart has dreamèd,
Who'd have thought that love could be so gluten-free?

Aaron the Whole Foods boy

I love him, I love him, I love him...
I love him, I love him, I love him...

---

"Taylor the Latte Boy" by Kristin Chenoweth (Lyrics provided below.)

There's a boy who works at Starbucks
Who is very inspirational.
He is very inspirational because of many things.

I come in at 8:11, and he smiles and says, "How are you?"
When he smiles and says, "How are you?"
I could swear my heart grows wings!

So today at 8:11
I decided I should meet him
I decided I should meet him
In a proper formal way.

So today at 8:11 when he smiled and said "How are you?"
I said "Fine, and my name's Kristin,"
And he softly answered, "Hey."

And I said "My name is Kristin, and thank you for the extra foam..."
And he said his name was Taylor,
Which provides the inspiration for this poem:

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...

So I'd like to get my nerve up
To recite my poem musical.
He would like the fact it's musical
Because he plays guitar.
So today at 8:11, Taylor told me he was playing
In a band down in the village in the basement of a bar.

And he smoothly flipped the lever to prepare my double latte,
But for me he made it triple! (And he didn't think I knew)
But I saw him flip the lever, and for me he made it triple,
And I knew that triple latte meant that Taylor loved me too!
I said, "What time are you playing? And thank you for the extra skin..."
He said, "Keep the $3.55," because this triple latte was on him.

*sigh*

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...

I used to be the kind of girl
Who'd run when love rushed toward her.
But finally a voice whispered, "Love can be yours,
If you step up to the counter and order."

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,

I love him, I love him, I love him...

So many years my heart has waited,
Who'd have thought that love could be so caffeinated?

Taylor, the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him.
I love him, I love him, I love him. 

Special thanks to Maren Ritter for being the reason I love this song so!

Puns Make Me Smile

I love funny, nerdy, punny puns. :-)

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21.. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects