MONO Lessons (Part XVII: 343 - 365)

Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons

343. Surprisingly, Lagoon is actually more fun picnic-style.

344. I miss her.

345. Even when I thought it couldn’t be done, they hurt me even more than they already had.

346. This must be what “I think I’m falling in love” feels like.

347. My past feels like someone else’s life.

348. Nutrition in this country is deplorable.

349. The Food Pyramid changed since I was in elementary school and nobody told me.

350. Another thing nobody ever told me:  You’re supposed to poop at least once a day!  This makes me unbelievably angry.  Why did nobody ever tell me this?!

351. Life is better when you’re regular.

352. When you’ve got momentum, ride it.  Ride it hard.

353. Photoshop CS2 is very…manual.  It’s like driving a stick shift.  I’ve never driven a stick shift, but I assume they are similar to Photoshop CS2…only completely different.

354. Wendover is like the cabin…only completely different.

355. Lagoon + Cabin + Swollen Glands + School Starting = Kidney Stone + 10(PAIN)

356. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between someone giving you a look of disgust and checking you out.

357. Low potassium increases one’s risk of kidney stones.  Why the HELL did nobody mention this to me?  I read this in my nutrition 1020 book.  1020.  You know what 1020 means?  Easy.  What is wrong with our healthcare system?!?

358. Hard decisions are hard.

359. When the momentum is against you, sometimes you can’t keep fighting it any more.

360. I wear my emotions on my sleeve…and my face.

361. I wouldn't do it again, but I would NEVER take it back.

362. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life.  It’s overwhelming and a bit frightening.

363. A 'W' is better than not passing due to exhaustion.

364. Every time I read my nutrition book, I become more furious towards society and healthcare.

365. I’m not the only gurgler.

MONO Lessons (Part XVI: 321 - 342)

Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons

321. I like him.  I like him a lot.

322. I haven’t had the opportunity to be just friends with someone before dating them.  The transition is so pleasant and non-nerve-racking.  Natural, if you will.

323. I suddenly like the song “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette…hmmm…

324. It’s even weirder to have completed Psychology of Love a couple of months ago and now beginning an actual new relationship.  Talk about textbook…

325. I CAN MAKE GLUTEN-FREE, DAIRY-FREE, & EGG-FREE OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES!!!  Epic day.  07/11/10.

326. That woman lives her life through her pain-body.  How sad.

327. Minds can change extremely fast.

328. I have identified five collective pain-bodies in which I have a stake:

a. The American Gay (LGBTQ+) Pain-Body

b. The Mormon (LDS) Pain-Body

c. The Gay Mormon Pain-Body

d. The Food Allergy Pain-Body

e. The Gluten-Intolerant/Celiac Pain-Body

329. I find hidden Mickey’s in my everyday life.

330. I’m capable of sending and receiving an “It’s me” voicemail.

331. The past can truly be haunting.

332. “D-BOX” isn’t dirty, it’s just a vibratey seat!

333. When I like a movie enough, I can see it 5 times in 15 days.  Inception rocks.

334. Monday, August 30, 2010:  Kidney stone.  Worst.  Pain.  EVER.

335. Guess what?  Potassium, still only inching it’s way up.  I have far more blood tests than I would prefer.

336. If they changed their mind and “accepted” me, I don’t think I would go back.  The damage is done.

337. Clubbing is much more tolerable with a significant other.

338. Blogging is like therapy.

339. Protests and rallies are like therapy.

340. Wendover is so sleazy it’s spectacular.

341. Gambling is kinda stupid…

342. Saying “my boyfriend” makes me all giddy.  *sigh*

MONO Lessons (Part XV: 300 - 320)

Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons

300. Some places are just not worth spending the time, energy, and money to eat (particularly gluten-free) at.  I apologize for ending that sentence with a preposition.

301. It’s hard enough for me without the perpetual snide comments.

302. Mood changes can be sudden and unannounced with an obviously noticeable shift as well as sudden and announced with no detectable actual change.

303. Flash drives can never be solely trusted.

304. I feel extremely gratified when my re-petition is approved and I got everything I wanted in the first place.

305. Pride will forever be a gluten-free food that I will be swallowing regularly.

306. I can even survive 8+ vials of blood being taken from my arm!

307. It’s really weird knowing more than your own doctor…you know…the one who knows everything.

308. Back on May 3, 2010, I realized I was in limerence with her.  That’s what happened!  You can be in limerence with the “wrong” gender.  Now I finally have a name for it!

309. These foods, oddly, have gluten in them:

a. Soy Sauce

b. Teriyaki Sauce

c. Blue Cheese

d. Marinades and Seasonings

e. Couscous – it’s actually a pasta

f. Malt (malt anything comes from barley)

g. Caramel Flavor

h. Caramel Color (but usually not any more)

i. Roasted/Glazed/Candied Nuts

j. Vitamins

k. Gravy

l. Oats…kind of…but not really.  They are all too often contaminated with gluten, but don’t possess any of their own gluten.  This is always a wonderful conversation starter.  (See Lesson 274)

m. Tofu.  Wha?!  I know, right?  Stupid wheat fillers.  (As a side note, Kofu is 99.999% pure gluten.  Note to self: Definitely avoid Kofu.)

n. Licorice

o. Imitation seafood, like imitation crab

310. These foods are shockingly gluten-free

a. Buckwheat

b. Glutinous rice

c. Corn gluten

d. Wheat grass

e. Fruity Pebbles – For some odd reason I assumed they were gluteny…

f. Rumbi’s chicken.  I swear to you, everyone else’s chicken is marinated in gluten!

311. My potassium STILL isn’t as high as I was hoping.  What the crap?!?  No wonder my heart still has episodes.

312. It’s nice to be on the same page this time around.  Thanks for giving me a break this time around, universe.

313. “Don’t look for Mr. Right, be Mr. Right and the rest will fall into place.” – MB

314. As usual, summer brings people out of the woodwork.

315. Scalp Oil + Shower Cap + Big Gun Acne Spot Treatment + Extra Lotion Around Lips = Jason Looks Like a Freaking Monster at Bedtime

316. I now have empathy for people with scalp issues ranging from mild dandruff to full-fledged scalp psoriasis.

317. Writing and mailing letters to people is really rather fun.

318. Sometimes I go WAY too long without writing mono lessons.  They then get backed up (constipated, if you will) in my brain and then finally spill out all over the place.

319. A lot can change in a year.  Namely feelings.  Stupid fickle feelings.

320. Oddly, confusion is sometimes rather peaceful.  Wha?

Mono Lessons (Part VII: 121-140)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

121. I’m picky.

122. I can pop 34 individual joints plus my neck and back. Ha.

123. My multi-vitamin doesn’t have potassium in it.

124. Some things need my attention more than others.

125. Gay marriage might not be the best solution… Didn’t think I’d say that, did ya?

126. Patience: I don’t have a lot…so I’ve sure had a lot to gain.

127. Downtown Denny’s has a VERY different crowd than our local Cottonwood Heights Denny’s at 1am.

128. This place is full of fuckheads. Pardon me.

129. I give SLCC a lot of (somewhat undeserved) crap. However, there does exist an even less respectable school to attend. I’ll refrain from naming it right now…. Care to guess what it is? No, not BYU....

130. A fast-dripping IV creates one of the strangest internal sensations I’ve ever felt.

131. When 4 people are tag teaming you in an ER room, it’s easier to ignore the fact that at least five vials of blood are being drawn from your arm.

132. December 14, 2009 at approximately 10:15pm: the exact moment I forgave Michael and myself for everything regarding that experience...and then some. Took me 2.5 years. Yes!!!

133. Even if I’m not proud of my past, I need to take responsibility and ownership of it. It makes me who I am today.

134. “Reparative” therapy may not be the devil’s work as I once thought. My own attempt at self-“reparative” therapy was anything but fun and/or successful, but again, the experience helped make me the secure person I am today. How can I deny someone that experience?

135. My reaction to “reparative” therapy is like that of a parent watching their child go through an experience they wish they didn’t have to watch. The kind of experience the parent wishes their child could learn without having to actually experience the experience. But unfortunately, most people only truly learn what they need to by going through those intense experiences.

136. Forgiveness is one of the hardest tasks to accomplish. It is also one of the most relieving and worthwhile things to accomplish.

137. Forgiveness can take for.e.ver.

138. You definitely can’t always trust your doctor. Question everything.

139. The changes I have been waiting for are actually happening. I don’t like it.

140. A certain someone is more than incompetent, they’re an asshole too.

Mono Lessons (Part VI: 100-120)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

100. Bowling only works out one arm.

101. I must stay on a regular eating schedule.

102. I REALLY can hold a grudge.

103. Poor lane etiquette really pisses me off.

104. I feel more comfortable bowling in light. Yes, rather than dark.

105. The harmonica is harder to play than it looks.

106.  I’m confused by the phenomenon of “friends with benefits.”

107.  Some people and environments can become truly toxic I one’s life.

108. I might have to fight with my brother about which one of us gets to name our first son Dean.

109. I have a slight potassium deficiency.

110. Potassium deficiency is called hypokalemia. I think the “k” is in there solely for its atomic symbol.

111. Hypokalemia has many symptoms identical to those of mono.

112. I have a fairly pronounced and normal sinus arrhythmia.

113. I also have a more exciting arrhythmia that I don’t have a fun name for…yet. I just happen to get tons and tons premature beats when in its peak.

114. There is some technology that seems like it would, should, and could be so much more advanced than it is, but it isn’t.

115. Jailbait isn’t as exciting as it sounds.

116. It is possible to steal from Express.com without meaning to. Then when you try to correct the error through your local Express store, they can’t help you. Lastly, you feel okay about having accidentally stolen due to Express’ error and lack of in-store correctional skills.

117. Jealousy arrives when I learn someone was able to make out with a hot redhead.

118. December 6, 2009 – Panda fortune reads: “You will always be surrounded by true friends.” Jason then begins crying in the mall food court with his friend. ☺

119. It’s nice to have pants that fit.

120. These things I actually like and they also have potassium in them:

a. Orange juice

b. Cranberry juice

c. Kiwis

d. Mangoes (non-pinetree-tasting)

e. Papayas

f. Pears

g. Giant potassium pills that are even larger than Augmenton

h. Nectarines

i. Raisins

j. Banana splits. ☺

k. Salmon

l. Halibut

m. Cod

n. Tuna

o. Apricots

p. Strawberries

q. Broccoli

r. Cauliflower

s. Brussels sprouts. Yes, I like Brussels sprouts. Wanna take this outside?

t. Cantaloupe

u. Onions

v. Spinach

w. Baked potatoes. Unfortunately, most of the potassium is in the disgusting skin.

x. Nuts

y. Avocados…in guacamole. That’s the only way I can handle avocados.

z. And finally, bananas…listed last for so many reasons…

Mono Lessons (Part III: 51-66)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

51. It could have been worse.

52. IKEA is one of the best ideas ever.

53. You can truly forgive without actually forgetting.

54. Some talent goes beyond my wildest dreams.

55. Gender and sexual orientation are 100x more complicated and confusing than I ever thought. And look whose talking.

56. “Gay” doesn’t quite cut it. But is there something that does?

57. You can’t get nasal spray vaccinations for the flu if you have some sort of preexisting condition.

58. It’s hard to stay “healthy enough” to have a chance to get a regular injected flu vaccine.

59. People use the most idiotic excuses to avoid taking responsibility.

60. I can actually work from home quite easily if I don’t have to call anybody.

61. The politics in that place are fucking bullshit. Oh wait, I knew that already. It was just reaffirmed…again. How redundant.

62. Kneaders has the best oatmeal raison cookies.

63. Butternut squash bisque from Paradise is amazing.

64. On ultra annoying nausea days, Chipotle is often the only thing I can fathom eating. Specifically the hard shell tacos.

65. Jessica and I have our mindless and hilarious conversations at work to help keep a satisfying level of sanity (or insanity).

66. Mono screwed with my:

a. Appetite

b. Skin

c. Scalp

d. Sinuses

e. Throat

f. Weight

g. Pants

h. Belts

i. Head

j. Judgment

k. Voice

l. Personality

m. Mood

n. Amount of sleep

o. Sleep patterns

p. Sleep schedule

q. Sleep in general, apparently

r. School schedule

s. Work schedule

t. Boy schedule

u. Friend schedule

v. Homework schedule

w. Probably my pancreas

x. Probably the sac around my heart

y. Stamina

z. Motivation

aa. Drive

bb. Heart rhythm

cc. Diet

dd. Hydration

ee. Potassium levels