MONO Lessons (Part XVII: 343 - 365)

Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons

343. Surprisingly, Lagoon is actually more fun picnic-style.

344. I miss her.

345. Even when I thought it couldn’t be done, they hurt me even more than they already had.

346. This must be what “I think I’m falling in love” feels like.

347. My past feels like someone else’s life.

348. Nutrition in this country is deplorable.

349. The Food Pyramid changed since I was in elementary school and nobody told me.

350. Another thing nobody ever told me:  You’re supposed to poop at least once a day!  This makes me unbelievably angry.  Why did nobody ever tell me this?!

351. Life is better when you’re regular.

352. When you’ve got momentum, ride it.  Ride it hard.

353. Photoshop CS2 is very…manual.  It’s like driving a stick shift.  I’ve never driven a stick shift, but I assume they are similar to Photoshop CS2…only completely different.

354. Wendover is like the cabin…only completely different.

355. Lagoon + Cabin + Swollen Glands + School Starting = Kidney Stone + 10(PAIN)

356. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between someone giving you a look of disgust and checking you out.

357. Low potassium increases one’s risk of kidney stones.  Why the HELL did nobody mention this to me?  I read this in my nutrition 1020 book.  1020.  You know what 1020 means?  Easy.  What is wrong with our healthcare system?!?

358. Hard decisions are hard.

359. When the momentum is against you, sometimes you can’t keep fighting it any more.

360. I wear my emotions on my sleeve…and my face.

361. I wouldn't do it again, but I would NEVER take it back.

362. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life.  It’s overwhelming and a bit frightening.

363. A 'W' is better than not passing due to exhaustion.

364. Every time I read my nutrition book, I become more furious towards society and healthcare.

365. I’m not the only gurgler.

MONO Lessons (Part XVI: 321 - 342)

Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons

321. I like him.  I like him a lot.

322. I haven’t had the opportunity to be just friends with someone before dating them.  The transition is so pleasant and non-nerve-racking.  Natural, if you will.

323. I suddenly like the song “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette…hmmm…

324. It’s even weirder to have completed Psychology of Love a couple of months ago and now beginning an actual new relationship.  Talk about textbook…

325. I CAN MAKE GLUTEN-FREE, DAIRY-FREE, & EGG-FREE OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES!!!  Epic day.  07/11/10.

326. That woman lives her life through her pain-body.  How sad.

327. Minds can change extremely fast.

328. I have identified five collective pain-bodies in which I have a stake:

a. The American Gay (LGBTQ+) Pain-Body

b. The Mormon (LDS) Pain-Body

c. The Gay Mormon Pain-Body

d. The Food Allergy Pain-Body

e. The Gluten-Intolerant/Celiac Pain-Body

329. I find hidden Mickey’s in my everyday life.

330. I’m capable of sending and receiving an “It’s me” voicemail.

331. The past can truly be haunting.

332. “D-BOX” isn’t dirty, it’s just a vibratey seat!

333. When I like a movie enough, I can see it 5 times in 15 days.  Inception rocks.

334. Monday, August 30, 2010:  Kidney stone.  Worst.  Pain.  EVER.

335. Guess what?  Potassium, still only inching it’s way up.  I have far more blood tests than I would prefer.

336. If they changed their mind and “accepted” me, I don’t think I would go back.  The damage is done.

337. Clubbing is much more tolerable with a significant other.

338. Blogging is like therapy.

339. Protests and rallies are like therapy.

340. Wendover is so sleazy it’s spectacular.

341. Gambling is kinda stupid…

342. Saying “my boyfriend” makes me all giddy.  *sigh*

Passed Past

Leave me alone!
I'm sick of you!
All you do is nag and complain!
You're so damn needy!
You demand excessive amounts of my attention.
And the worst part?  I give it to you.

Why do I keep doing this?
I accept the fact you were part of my life...but we broke up!
Can't we just move on and be cordial?

I keep lying for you...
I keep withholding for you...
I keep hiding for you...
I keep failing for you...
I keep (attempting) to impress for you...
I keep defending you...
I keep missing out...all so you won't hurt me!
Why does my crying excite you?
Some cowardly part of me is still terrified of you and you know it.
And some sick part of me gets off on the fear, misery, and torture you inflict.

Over and over and over again!

I can't help but re-over-analyze you in my head, to my friends, to my family, in my writing, in my talking, in my crying, and in my screaming.

I hate how I let you control me!

No matter how much I think I've put you behind me and officially passed you by...  No matter how many times I convince myself I've moved on...  No matter what I do, you always creep back into my life and wreak havoc.

Does this mean I'm not where I thought?  What am I missing?  Where am I in this continuum?  What do I need to do to keep you where you belong so you'll stop ruining my Now?

Have I not fully confronted you?
Have I not faced you head on like I thought I have...over and over and over again...?
Which one of us has the unresolved business?
...and what on earth will resolve it?!

I don't want to talk about you any more.  I don't want to think about you any more.  I deserve to think of happier things.  I would much rather waste my time on anything else but you.

I went through your colic-like torment to get where I am Now.  And you won't let me forget it.  Do you need a thank-you letter or a reward?  Do you want some sort of compensation?  Do you feel entitled to tortuously remind me how you made me who I am?  Who is the victim here, anyway?  Just because you're miserable doesn't mean I have to be miserable with you!

I'm sick of your pity party.
Get over yourself.
Just die.
I deserve better than you.
Let me get on with my life; I can't keep waiting to live.

Now where was I...?