Mono Lessons (Part III: 51-66)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

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51. It could have been worse.

52. IKEA is one of the best ideas ever.

53. You can truly forgive without actually forgetting.

54. Some talent goes beyond my wildest dreams.

55. Gender and sexual orientation are 100x more complicated and confusing than I ever thought. And look whose talking.

56. “Gay” doesn’t quite cut it. But is there something that does?

57. You can’t get nasal spray vaccinations for the flu if you have some sort of preexisting condition.

58. It’s hard to stay “healthy enough” to have a chance to get a regular injected flu vaccine.

59. People use the most idiotic excuses to avoid taking responsibility.

60. I can actually work from home quite easily if I don’t have to call anybody.

61. The politics in that place are fucking bullshit. Oh wait, I knew that already. It was just reaffirmed…again. How redundant.

62. Kneaders has the best oatmeal raison cookies.

63. Butternut squash bisque from Paradise is amazing.

64. On ultra annoying nausea days, Chipotle is often the only thing I can fathom eating. Specifically the hard shell tacos.

65. Jessica and I have our mindless and hilarious conversations at work to help keep a satisfying level of sanity (or insanity).

66. Mono screwed with my:

a. Appetite

b. Skin

c. Scalp

d. Sinuses

e. Throat

f. Weight

g. Pants

h. Belts

i. Head

j. Judgment

k. Voice

l. Personality

m. Mood

n. Amount of sleep

o. Sleep patterns

p. Sleep schedule

q. Sleep in general, apparently

r. School schedule

s. Work schedule

t. Boy schedule

u. Friend schedule

v. Homework schedule

w. Probably my pancreas

x. Probably the sac around my heart

y. Stamina

z. Motivation

aa. Drive

bb. Heart rhythm

cc. Diet

dd. Hydration

ee. Potassium levels

Mono Lessons (Part II: 25-50)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

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25. How to say NO without using the word “mono.”

26. How to say NO with using the word “mono.” This one is harder.

27. One of my leading love languages, when it comes to showing my love for others, is gift giving.

28. I get offended when someone refuses a gift.

29. How to utilize Facebook Text Message.

30. I hold grudges. But not many.

31. I can release grudges.

32. Time FLIES!!!

33. Power Ranger costumes are hotter than hell.

34. I actually love my coworkers because they are my friends.

35. I like herbal tea.

36. Not ALL green tea tastes like hay. Just most green tea tastes like hay.

37. I hate relationship labels.

38. People don’t change. They think they’re changing for the “better,” but they’re only getting worse.

39. Some people are complete and utter douche bags.

40. It’s cathartic to tell a complete and utter douche bag that they’re a douche bag.

41. I dated an amateur porn star. If you want to call it that, I guess. It’s not worth watching. Trust me.

42. I really don’t care for high school flashbacks. Really.

43. When you have mono, “it’s getting late” is said around 5pm.

44. An unbelievable amount of mucus can reside in your sinus cavity.

45. Allie is an undercover Tylenol sales representative. A rather pushy one.

46. Normal cold medicines don’t have enough drug in one dose to actually do anything.

47. Take 2+ doses of cold medicine to feel some relief or take larger amounts of separate, different drugs.

48. Honesty is the best policy.

49. There’s no reason to settle.

50. Some hair dyes will stain your pillow.

Mono Lessons (Part I: 1-24)

And so begins the posting of my "Mono Lessons." As I mentioned earlier, I have a whole gigantic list of these written, so I will post them in smaller spurts.

I believe a lot of people who will be reading these are either specifically mentioned or alluded to in my "lessons." This could get rather interesting.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

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1. It is difficult to stay healthy long enough to qualify for a flu vaccination.

2. It is so much more convenient and comfortable to breathe out of your nose. Hence, it is very likely to become addicted (literally) to nasal spray.

3. Your true friends are the ones who stick around knowing you haven’t been yourself for months on end.

4. Antibiotics for “sinus infections” will cause hives when you have mono. I guess it didn’t help that I also didn’t actually have a sinus infection in the first place.

5. Hives will get out of control if you don’t take an antihistamine and/or put Cortizone 10 on them as soon as you feel an outbreak occurring.

6. I’m allergic to Bactrim and Ceftin.

7. Mono will slow down room rearrangement projects…greatly.

8. Getting your blood drawn can actually be a non-horrific experience.

9. Being “too tired” is apparently only legitimate if you have a blood test to back it up.

10. Endless amounts of jokes can be made about mono all because someone decided to call it the “kissing disease.” Only thing is, it’s endless amounts of the SAME joke.

11. It is unbelievably hard for me to ask for less responsibility.

12. I hadn’t realized how emotionally invested I am/was in the UTemps Program. I had never bawled over taking time off before. It was devastating.

13. Bowling IS a sport.

14. I could actually be skinnier than I was.

15. What true nausea is.

16. Empathy for:

a. Mom

b. Dad

c. Sherri

d. Kelsey

e. Deanna

17. What fatigue is.

18. How much a pleasant memory is worth.

19. Boys can wait.

20. Most things can wait.

21. I can wait.

22. People can change. And those changed people will continue to surprise you.

23. Shattered friendships can begin to heal.

24. Some friendships need to end…or at least take a break.

Blogging

I think I'm going to start writing a blog. How cliche.

I've gone through a lot the past while and I hear my life story is rather interesting, so I think I'll share it here. I don't want to treat this as a boring journal, but most of what I'll write about is based on personal experience. My goal is to write my hilarious, tragic, and thinky observations about life - hopefully I kept that vague enough to write almost anything I want!

Here are some blogging ideas I have for the near future:

1. "Mono Lessons" - For those of you who don't know (somehow), I have had mono since June 2009. Anyway, for a majority of that time, I have been keeping a list of things I have learned while dealing with mono and because of having mono. The list is LONG (150 lessons so far), so I'll post it in increments. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll thank God you don't have mono.

2. School - My last two semesters of college have been unbelievably hard and miraculous. You'll read in awe.

3. Work - I quit my job... My last day is January 8, 2010. I have a LOT of stuff to say about wretched place we call HR.

4. Gay stuff - Again, for those of you that don't know, I'm gay. Yahoo. Anyway, I go through activist moments, so I will recall stuff from the past, write some new stuff, and most likely talk about a class I took last semester called Gender & Sexual Orientation from Dr. Lisa Diamond. (Best class I've ever taken, by the way.) I'll also share snippets of my "coming out" saga and any drama that still continues today.

I'm thinking I'll post a new blog once a week or so. These topics should keep me going for a few months. Always feel free to comment, ask questions, request topics, anything!

I look forward to freeing my mind all over you! Happy reading!

Jason