I Hate This

I hate that it has finally come to this.
I hate that he let it get to this.
I hate that he has known this whole time, but did nothing about it.
I hate that everyone has known, yet done nothing.
I hate that it took this for anyone to even begin to care.

I hate his lack of responsibility.
I hate his ignorance.
I hate his attitude.
I hate his "managing."
I hate his micromanaging.
I hate his jealousy.
I hate his "years of experience."
I hate his fakeness.
I hate his lies.
I hate his two-facedness.

I hate saying goodbye.
I hate not having my cubicle sharing partner.
I hated letting go of that hug.
I hate being asked "What can I do to get you to stay?" 2 months too late.
I hate knowing the potential, but not being able so see it come to fruition.
I hate leaving her behind.
I hate knowing someone is being dumped into this situation.
I hate leaving her in the dark.
I hate leaving them.

I hate leaving a creditless legacy.
I hate you for what you've done.
I hate that I have to grieve this like a death.
I hate walking away from my baby.
I hate not being able to fully convey my anger and frustration.
I hate that she had a foot out the door this whole time.
I hate how much I'm going to miss you.
I hate that this is the right decision.
I hate how much I miss them.
I hate this conflict.
I hate that I've done absolutely all I can do.

I HATE leaving this way!

I hate this.
I hate this!
I HATE this!
I HATE THIS!

Lucky Bamboo

I made this today.

Lucky Bamboo with 6 Stalks


I love Lucky Bamboo. We've had bamboo in the house for years now and I just love to arrange it.

Specific numbers of lucky bamboo stalks in a pot are supposed to bring luck to certain areas of your life.

  • 1 stalk: Simplicity and a meaningful life.
  • 2 stalks: Double luck, happy relationships
  • 3 stalks: Good for prosperity and fertility. If used with curly (money) stalk in the middle, it means wealth.
  • 4 stalks: Academic achievement, creativity, writing, romance
  • 5 stalks: Happiness, good and balanced luck in all aspects of life.
  • 6 stalks: Easy money, wealth, good flow of luck. Six in the Chinese language also sounds like the word luck.
  • 7 stalks: Good luck and prosperity in relationships.
  • 8 stalks: Good luck and fertility.
  • 9 stalks: Good health, prosperity, and love life.
  • 10 stalks: Completeness and fulfillment in life.
  • 11 stalks: Good all-around luck.

The one above has 6 stalks. I don't really build them based on the stalk number meaning - just what looks nice.

Mono Lessons (Part II: 25-50)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

25. How to say NO without using the word “mono.”

26. How to say NO with using the word “mono.” This one is harder.

27. One of my leading love languages, when it comes to showing my love for others, is gift giving.

28. I get offended when someone refuses a gift.

29. How to utilize Facebook Text Message.

30. I hold grudges. But not many.

31. I can release grudges.

32. Time FLIES!!!

33. Power Ranger costumes are hotter than hell.

34. I actually love my coworkers because they are my friends.

35. I like herbal tea.

36. Not ALL green tea tastes like hay. Just most green tea tastes like hay.

37. I hate relationship labels.

38. People don’t change. They think they’re changing for the “better,” but they’re only getting worse.

39. Some people are complete and utter douche bags.

40. It’s cathartic to tell a complete and utter douche bag that they’re a douche bag.

41. I dated an amateur porn star. If you want to call it that, I guess. It’s not worth watching. Trust me.

42. I really don’t care for high school flashbacks. Really.

43. When you have mono, “it’s getting late” is said around 5pm.

44. An unbelievable amount of mucus can reside in your sinus cavity.

45. Allie is an undercover Tylenol sales representative. A rather pushy one.

46. Normal cold medicines don’t have enough drug in one dose to actually do anything.

47. Take 2+ doses of cold medicine to feel some relief or take larger amounts of separate, different drugs.

48. Honesty is the best policy.

49. There’s no reason to settle.

50. Some hair dyes will stain your pillow.

Mono Lessons (Part I: 1-24)

And so begins the posting of my "Mono Lessons." As I mentioned earlier, I have a whole gigantic list of these written, so I will post them in smaller spurts.

I believe a lot of people who will be reading these are either specifically mentioned or alluded to in my "lessons." This could get rather interesting.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

1. It is difficult to stay healthy long enough to qualify for a flu vaccination.

2. It is so much more convenient and comfortable to breathe out of your nose. Hence, it is very likely to become addicted (literally) to nasal spray.

3. Your true friends are the ones who stick around knowing you haven’t been yourself for months on end.

4. Antibiotics for “sinus infections” will cause hives when you have mono. I guess it didn’t help that I also didn’t actually have a sinus infection in the first place.

5. Hives will get out of control if you don’t take an antihistamine and/or put Cortizone 10 on them as soon as you feel an outbreak occurring.

6. I’m allergic to Bactrim and Ceftin.

7. Mono will slow down room rearrangement projects…greatly.

8. Getting your blood drawn can actually be a non-horrific experience.

9. Being “too tired” is apparently only legitimate if you have a blood test to back it up.

10. Endless amounts of jokes can be made about mono all because someone decided to call it the “kissing disease.” Only thing is, it’s endless amounts of the SAME joke.

11. It is unbelievably hard for me to ask for less responsibility.

12. I hadn’t realized how emotionally invested I am/was in the UTemps Program. I had never bawled over taking time off before. It was devastating.

13. Bowling IS a sport.

14. I could actually be skinnier than I was.

15. What true nausea is.

16. Empathy for:

a. Mom

b. Dad

c. Sherri

d. Kelsey

e. Deanna

17. What fatigue is.

18. How much a pleasant memory is worth.

19. Boys can wait.

20. Most things can wait.

21. I can wait.

22. People can change. And those changed people will continue to surprise you.

23. Shattered friendships can begin to heal.

24. Some friendships need to end…or at least take a break.

Blogging

I think I'm going to start writing a blog. How cliche.

I've gone through a lot the past while and I hear my life story is rather interesting, so I think I'll share it here. I don't want to treat this as a boring journal, but most of what I'll write about is based on personal experience. My goal is to write my hilarious, tragic, and thinky observations about life - hopefully I kept that vague enough to write almost anything I want!

Here are some blogging ideas I have for the near future:

1. "Mono Lessons" - For those of you who don't know (somehow), I have had mono since June 2009. Anyway, for a majority of that time, I have been keeping a list of things I have learned while dealing with mono and because of having mono. The list is LONG (150 lessons so far), so I'll post it in increments. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll thank God you don't have mono.

2. School - My last two semesters of college have been unbelievably hard and miraculous. You'll read in awe.

3. Work - I quit my job... My last day is January 8, 2010. I have a LOT of stuff to say about wretched place we call HR.

4. Gay stuff - Again, for those of you that don't know, I'm gay. Yahoo. Anyway, I go through activist moments, so I will recall stuff from the past, write some new stuff, and most likely talk about a class I took last semester called Gender & Sexual Orientation from Dr. Lisa Diamond. (Best class I've ever taken, by the way.) I'll also share snippets of my "coming out" saga and any drama that still continues today.

I'm thinking I'll post a new blog once a week or so. These topics should keep me going for a few months. Always feel free to comment, ask questions, request topics, anything!

I look forward to freeing my mind all over you! Happy reading!

Jason