MONO Lessons (Part XI: 209-228)

Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons

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209. It’s January 27, 2010, and to be honest, I don’t really think I have mono any more. However, things aren’t back to normal. My appetite is odd, my sleep cycle is odd…I just feel odd. I think I have food allergies that are prolonging everything.

210. Whether I still have mono or not, I keep learning things, so I think I should continue my mono lessons list – both for personal reasons and for the sake of blog entertainment.  In case I don’t actually have mononucleosis (symptoms) any more, MONO Lessons will stand for Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational Lessons.  That’s what these silly lessons really are, anyway. ☺

211. I’m grateful I took Foundations of Analysis…?!?  What?!?

212. Valentine’s Day comes to mind much sooner when it appears you’ll actually have a valentine.

213. 55” of TV is a LOT of TV.

214. There are few things that will keep me up until 4am.  Tennis is one of them.

215. I get extremely offended when my petition is denied.

216. Attraction is SO complicated!  And it dictates our thoughts and feelings about absolutely everyone!

217. I actually can get my blood drawn with out totally freaking out.

218. Just being in the University Hospital makes me extremely happy.

219. Hospital cafeteria food is better than Union food.  And cheaper.  And more healthy.

220. The Green shuttle doesn’t stop at the Union, only Red and Blue do.

221. Atenolol makes being nervous so much more bearable.

222. School is “easier” when unemployed.

223. Alec Woodbury and Allie Wall have the same initials!!!

224. Leaping zombies are the best.

225. There are certain people with whom I should not be alone for an extended period of time. Specifically while school is going.

226. We’re literally writing the next page of our life novel right now; “the rest is still unwritten.”

227. Slaps in the face are rather enlightening for both parties – the slappee and the slapper.

228. I would SO much rather get a free Grand Slam at Denny’s on my 21st birthday than get drunk.

"First Train Home" by Imogen Heap

Here, Imogen Heap summarizes the context of her song "First Train Home." She is giving her description moments before the song's first play on US radio. Remember the part about the party...that will come up again. After it airs for the first time, Immi describes how it feels.

This is the official music video for "First Train Home" with the lyrics provided below.

"First Train Home" - Imogen Heap

Bodies disengaged, our mouths are fleshing over.
It's just an echo game, irises retreating to ovals of white.
The urge to feel your face, and blood rushing to paint my hand print.
A Frisbee one by one; your vinyl on laminate, just prefer some kind of contact.

First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
Got to catch, to catch, to catch-catch, catch.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First Train home

Temporal dead-zone where clocks are barely breathing.
Yet no one cares to notice for all the yelling, all night clamor to hold it together.
I want to play--don't wait--forms in the hideaway
I want to get on with getting on with things
I want to run in fields, paint the kitchen, and love someone
And I can't do any of that here, can I?

First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home.

So what? You've had one too many.
So what? I'm not that much fun to be with.
So what? You've come silly hatter.
So what? I didn't want to come here, anyway.

What matters you, doesn't matter, matter to me.
What matters to me, doesn't matter, matter to you.
What matters to you, doesn't matter, matter to them.
What matters to them, doesn't change anything.

Got to get on it.
First train home.
Got to get on it.
First train home.

First train home I've got to get on it
(I've got to get on it)
Got to catch, to catch, to catch-catch, catch.
(First train home)
First train home I've got to get on it
First train home.
(First train home)
Got to, Got to, Got to, Got to, Get, Get, Get, Get, Out, Out, Out, Out, Now, Now, Now, Now.

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Now that you have seen the "official" video, take a look at the alternate video called "Imm's Party Version." Remember her mentioning that party in that first clip? Here's what Imogen has to say about this version of the video:

"This is the First Train Home alternative video I directed. I came up with the idea in a cab on the way home late one night and filmed it the next week.

"It's shot in the room I wrote the song in, which is above my studio where I recorded Ellipse. It's me and a load of my friends I borrowed for the day to boss around.
...
"So many of you have been following and getting involved in Ellipse...[that] it felt wrong to do a video that was so impersonal which I felt the original one was. Even a bit cold and detached. This new video won't win any awards but I felt I wanted to make it. Some of the people dancing about have been around me so much during the making of Ellipse.
...
"... Good times. Hope you enjoy it. The odd thing of course is that this is my IDEAL party and not at all the party I was singing about...which I desperately didn't want to be a part of...and got on the first train out of Brighton to get away from it."

Enjoy.

This song is a masterpiece. It is obvious that each millisecond of this track has Imogen's heart and soul in it. Each moment has such meticulous detail. It's simply beautiful from the beginning hints of a railroad to the rather abrupt ending.

By the way, Imogen recently won a Grammy for her album Ellipse. I highly recommend buying it. ;-)  This is one of the best albums I've heard.

Can't wait to see you again tonight, Immi!  You're brilliant!

One Year Ago Today...

One year ago today...

I started getting a "cold"...
                                            Which turned into a "sinus infection"...
                                                                                                            Mono the whole time

I'd only had my blood drawn twice in 20 years
I had never regularly broken out in hives
My heart arrhythmia was as common as a Venus transit
All tea tasted like hay
The "Mono Lessons" began to occur but were not yet being documented
"Tired" had a completely different meaning

I had a great job
I had the most incredible coworkers
I was taking my first business trip
We were as strong as ever
We were beginning to truly bond
The end was at least 2 years away
                                                         ...not 6 months

Life wasn't as hemorrhoidy and didn't sting
Life wasn't as bloated
Life wasn't as constipated
But it was a bit...irregular
I ate whatever the hell I wanted
I weighed 170 lbs

I wasn't as experienced
I wasn't as empathetic
I wasn't as forgiving
Lisa hadn't yet changed my life
I wasn't as patient
I wasn't as friendly
I wasn't as mindful

I didn't know I'd be so happy to have the last year behind me

...one year ago today.

Jack Who?

These are two of my favorite paintings by Jack Vettriano.  Why do they intrigue me so?  Because Jack Vettriano's real name is Jack Hoggan!  He's from Scotland, has the "double g" Hoggan last name...so I'm quite confident I'm related to him.  :-)  Enjoy.

The Singing Butler
1992
By Jack Vettriano
Heartbreak Publishing

Dance Me To The End Of Love
1998
By Jack Vettriano
Heartbreak Publishing

Blast from the past: Prop 8, Mormons, Founders, Voting, Agency, Revelation, and some Betrayal...sounds like a good read!

This is a Jason Hoggan Facebook Note original. Post date May 27, 2009 at 1:52AM, so I am re-posting it exactly a year later. Anyway, the title is "Prop 8, Mormons, Founders, Voting, Agency, Revelation, and some Betrayal...sounds like a good read!"  Enjoy.

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This is a rather unique Note. As many of you that are reading this already know, last election season I officially got my feathers ruffled by a few too many people, and one specific religious organization, to keep quiet any longer. I loudly voiced my opinion on gay marriage, told a rather brief yet detailed version of my “story,” and also unintentionally outed myself to many many people through all of this. This Note is a more detailed and thoughtful description of why I became so upset at the LDS Church and their involvement with Proposition 8 in California during election season 2008.

I was taught from a very young age that my Church would never tell its members how to vote. Every year around election season, the bishop would read (and still does) a letter from the First Presidency that states the LDS Church never endorses a political candidate or a political party. They would never tell us how to vote; just encourage us to do so.

It’s election time 2008. Proposition 8 is brewing in California and across the country. What happens first is, the Church does a special television broadcast that airs most notably in California. In this broadcast, Church members are asked to donate their time and “contribute in whatever way they can to the effort to pass Proposition 8, including by phoning.” Members were also encouraged to spread the word via text messaging, e-mail, and blogging. The Church’s statement ends with, “As a church, we do not get involved in supporting candidates or political parties, but when there are moral issues, the First Presidency has always felt that it was important for our members to stand up and support those that are significant to the gospel of Jesus Christ and the restored Church. And so we, without concern, go to the membership of the Church, after the call of the First Presidency, to ask you to give your best to this most significant effort to support, in every way possible, the sacred institution of marriage as we know it to be” (1).

Now that we have established some context, let me get through one more touchy topic before I give my opinion on the above statement. It appears that many Mormons heeded to the call from the First Presidency and “contribut[ed] in whatever way they [could] to the effort to pass Proposition 8.” However, many chose to contribute their money along with their time. Now, the LDS Church has stated that no tithing money went to the Yes on Prop 8 campaign. They also outline their direct contributions totaling just under $190,000 (2). Honestly, this is pocket change to the Church and is really not a big deal…even if tithing money was used. (But just in case it was, I donated $25 to the No on Prop 8 campaign to offset any of my money that went to Yes.)

What is much more significant is the amount of money that Church members donated to the Yes campaign. The New York Times and Mormons for 8 (rather boastfully) report that, of the $40 million raised by Yes on Prop 8, 40-50% of those donations were from Mormon Church members (3). This is $16-$20 million we are talking here. To establish more context, around 770,000 LDS Church members live in California. This is approximately 2% of the state’s population (4). So, if the Proposition 8 battle stayed in California, this means that every single Church member in California would have had to donate $26 to reach the grand total of $20 million. Obviously, the money poured in form Mormons from all across the country, including a rather generous $1 million contribution from the (Utah resident) grandson of former Church President David O. McKay (5).

Finally, as I have mentioned in previous Notes, the Church also set up this website in support of “traditional marriage” and to promote Proposition 8:  http://www.preservingmarriage.org/. I have never seen anything from the LDS Church so blatantly advocating a political position. Scroll down to the bottom of the homepage. There you will read “An Official Web site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints” followed by the copyright and the Church’s logo.

The part of the Church’s statement that bothers me the most is the assertion that they do not support political parties or candidates, but, “when there are moral issues” involved, the Church feels it is important to take action. As I see it, they are 1. supporting a political stance and 2. confusing moral issues with civil issues. This is why I got mad:

I have a testimony of the founding of our great nation. I have always believed that our Founding Fathers were inspired with the seemingly radical ideas they had. They were inspired when debating, negotiating, and writing our Constitution. This document is the basis of our country’s government and has become an icon for civil rights. I do understand that when the Constitution was first written, rights were really only given to white, male, land-owning Protestants. Times were obviously different. But as time has gone by, women, black and all other races and ethnicities, as well as non-land-owners and those of all religious faiths have been given full rights. But let me get back to my point here. The Constitution is arguably a civil rights document that is based on the reasons that people even came to America in the first place. One of those main reasons is to flee religious persecution.

I believe that the United States came about so that the Gospel could be restored. There is no other place in the world where it could have happened. It needed to be in a place with a “fresh start,” new ideas, and new government. We have been taught that this land was set aside so this could occur. The religious freedoms that were set in place by our nation’s government and Constitution were the first great stepping stone in this plan.

Growing up in the LDS Church and always having a peculiar interest in the founding of the United States, I grew to appreciate what an immense blessing it is to live in this nation. The freedoms we have are unmatched anywhere else in the world and we are unbelievably lucky to be here. One specific right I learned to cherish is the individual right to vote. Even at a young age I began to grasp the importance and responsibility of casting a vote. Those of you that know me well have seen how overly disgusted I get when I hear someone won’t or didn’t vote. I was just taught that I am extremely privileged to have a say in our government and I should utilize that right and not take it for granted. The right to vote is a form of legally granted agency. We can choose to vote for whatever or whomever we want.

Agency is one of the most talked about topics/doctrines in the LDS Church. We are taught that we have always had agency and very notably used it when we chose to follow God’s plan and come here to earth and receive a body. Agency leads us to our most immense trials, our greatest happiness, our deepest sadness, and our individual uniqueness. We use our agency every minute of our lives. The greatest thing about agency is it is OURS. No one has the right, let alone the ability, to take away our agency. We are forever accountable for our own choices. At times this seems awful accept so many consequences, and others it feels glorious to reap the many rewards.

Agency is where I feel the Church crossed the line. Yes, the Church did not support a political party (though that is questionable with this issue) or a political candidate. But I felt betrayed on far too many levels. When I was young, I remember listening to the bishop read that letter in sacrament meeting and interpreting that the Church would never ever ever tell their members how to vote on anything. How naïve that was of me to think (and of my family to teach me). The Church also teaches that, along with agency, comes personal revelation. It is shocking that the Church would insist that members vote for Proposition 8 rather than encouraging them to kneel down before the Lord and pray about it and all the other political issues we are facing. This way each member would have been encouraged have their own conversation with the Lord on the topic and develop their own opinion and stance on the issue. Instead of encouraging doctrine, the Church encouraged members to blindly follow the will of the First Presidency.

I find it absolutely revolting that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints would infringe on their member’s agency by advocating that they vote Yes on Proposition 8. The Church teaches of the blessings of this country, the miracle of the gospel being restored on this chosen land, and the rapture to be found in the freedoms we enjoy here. It is utterly hypocritical for the Church to encourage its members to donate time and money to, and suggest they vote for, a cause that limits the basic civil rights of their own neighbors, friends, and family members. What on earth could be more anti-Christian? Without this country and its freedoms, there is no way the Church would have ever survived. I had already felt quite betrayed by my Church and its stance on homosexuality, but their involvement with Proposition 8 was the last straw for me.

I have three short responses to the Church’s statement. First, I took your advice and spread the word through texting and blogging…only I think I said exactly opposite of what you were suggesting. Next, the idea that gay marriage (and homosexuality in general) is a moral issue is incomprehensible. It is undoubtedly a civil rights issue. Finally, I will never again trust the LDS Church’s politically neutral stance. This stance is fraudulent. In the same sentence, they say they would never tell their members how to vote while then clearly stating, “without concern,” to vote Yes on Proposition 8.

I hope this gives a clearer understanding of why I did what I did and said what I said last election season. Obviously, I focused on less personal frustrations I have with the Church in this Note. Just the fact that I am a gay member of the LDS Church leads to enough frustration and heartache, but to then have this organization blatantly advocate against what I know to be right was just a twist of the knife already in my back.

As always, comments are welcome; they are also screened. Below you will see the sources I used. And yeah, I think that’s it. Thanks for reading, for your interest, and even your support.

~~Jason

1. http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/news-releases-stories/church-readies-members-on-proposition-8
2. http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/media-reports-on-proposition-8-filing-uninformed
3. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/15/us/politics/15marriage.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3&hp, http://mormonsfor8.com/?p=154
4. http://mormonsfor8.com/, among many others; Google it
5. http://societyandreligion.com/secret-million-dollar-mormon-donor-to-prop-8-revealed/811/ 

Mono Lessons (Part X: 187-208)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

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187. I have more self-control than I give myself credit for having.

188. I gained my “self-control” from having some pretty crappy experiences.

189. There’s a fine line between “self-control” and extreme hesitation and caution.

190. “I don’t wanna be your other half; I believe that one and one make two.” (from “Not the Doctor” by Alanis Morissette)

191. “[I won’t] let [him] get away with kicking [his] own ass.” (from “Unsent” by Alanis Morissette)

192. I’m not crazy…well, in the sense that I’m not imagining my heart arrhythmia nor am I mistaking another chest activity for the heart arrhythmia. In other words, I have a seasonal heart arrhythmia.

193. Sherri worded this perfectly for me:  “Never argue with an idiot.  All they do is drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience.”

194. Atenolol is a beta-blocker.  I still don’t really understand what a beta-blocker is.  Let alone beta…and why it would need to be blocked.

195. Aliens scare the crap out of me enough when they’re blatantly fake that I am able to put on quite the convincing show when they are presented with a hint of realness.

196. I am apparently rather passionate about aliens.

197. I really do miss some certain people from middle and high school.

198. I don’t fall easily, quickly, willingly, simply, smoothly, comfortably, or patiently.  Good luck, my friend.

199. I enjoy being a psychology test subject probably more than I should…

200. Denny’s has a TOTALLY different menu before 10pm!  It’s huge!

201. Propositions from straight guys are tempting, but not when the straight guy is creepy.

202. Blog formatting takes way too much effort sometimes.

203. Seriously, zombies are funny.

204. No one else is online at 3:30 AM.  Why did I not learn this sooner?  Like in the 40’s or 50’s sections of the mono lessons?

205. Nothing beats IMAX 3D.

206. One-paragraph summaries of an all-over-the-place lecture are rather difficult.

207. Follow my gut…  I already know this, I just need to remind myself.

208. It’s really weird to be taking The Psychology of Love when starting a new relationship…

Wishes: A Letter

Wishes: A Letter

When my hair was still bull cut
I stood with the horses
Feeding them apples and cherries.
You rocked on the porch wishing—
Wishing it would never end.

But at seven, my mind grew
     And yours faded.
Age is setting in and I wish—
Wish I could turn back time.

You stayed strong-no pain-
     Only courage.
It is so hard to watch this process
And I wish—
Wish it would not claim more.

As eleven rolls by, hope has changed.
Hope of life turns to hope of freedom
     From the sickened body and mind.
As we kneel around your bed
     We pray for your comfort and release
And wish—
Wish we could see grandpa again too.

Now much has passed and we’ve all come to terms
     That you are gone.
But memories give life—
Hope gives life—
Love
        gives
                 life!
I can’t wait for the day when I need wish—
Need wish no more.

(Written in May/June 2006)

Inspired by Ezra Pound's "The River-Merchant's Wife: A Letter"