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MONO Lessons (Part XXII: 440-463)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
440. Spring finals are the absolute worst.
441. I don’t understand the whole superhero comic book thing. Especially Thor. Thor is a Nordic god…not a comic book character…
442. Chris Evans must be an actual superhero since he has played The Human Torch and will be playing Captain America…the hero with the lamest name ever.
443. The Avengers are: The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man (whatever that is), Thor, and Captain America.
444. Need to Know on PBS is simply outstanding journalism. I highly recommend it. Oh, and donate! ;-)
445. Allegra is a non-drowsy lifesaver. Now also available in generic form from your local grocery store knock-off brand! Yay!
446. Some things never change.
447. Facebook ads…holy crap.
448. Apparently, people have pornographic slides. Yes, I said slides.
449. Divorce isn’t a bad thing. It just gets a bad rap.
450. I can easily use a video game analogy to explain my ideas correlating physics, spirituality, and a “higher power.”
451. RENT four times can be rather emotional; especially during a highly emotional time in your personal life.
452. Lesson #157 stated “I’m not ‘RENT’ gay.” Correction, I am “RENT” gay.
453. Jagged Little Pill would make a great musical.
454. The Matrix is why I freed my mind.
455. Kaboom. That is all.
456. I prefer having the world end at the end of apocalyptic-like movies. Especially if aliens are involved.
457. Abercrombie & Fitch models feel nice.
458. I refuse to watch Criminal Minds because I can’t take Greg, yes, from Dharma & Greg, seriously. And he’s missing Dharma…
459. Sexuality, gender, and sex are all amazing things and deserve more conversational attention. Taboo is destroyed by conversation.
460. Depression and anxiety are rampant.
461. Depression and anxiety are rampant among gays.
462. Judy McLane is a sweetheart.
463. Being a gay teenager still sucks, unfortunately. But at least it’s slightly less dangerous…
MONO Lessons (Part XXI: 420 - 439)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
420. I don’t know what to do with my last name if/when I get married. But I do know “Hoggan” won’t be leaving. It’s far too awesome.
421. I want an equation, variable, or unit named after me. “Then we take the Hoggan Cross Section…” “Find the Hoggan wavelength of…” “So after the algebra, we are left with 7 Hoggans…” Yes.
422. Opera is not my thing.
423. “Little Women” is just a boring story. Jo, grow up.
424. I should probably become a model. It may be my true calling in life.
425. Depressed and anxious people shouldn’t have to split their depression and anxiety pills. We need more size variety!
426. Seeing a car flip over in front of you due to another car running a red light causes intersection anxiety.
427. I’m in love. He drives me insane, but I love him. I’m in love.
428. I can go months without talking to someone and still know when they’re pulling an April Fools joke.
429. Gay marriage would be legal if it weren’t illegal. Think about it. That thought isn’t as stupid as it sounds.
430. Fortune cookies are disgusting.
431. Domes of fudge are splendid.
432. Hemorrhoids suck.
433. Sucker Punch…possibly too awesome?
434. Buckwheat is nasty. Even in maple-glazed cold cereal form.
435. I will never need to purchase an obnoxiously large, loud, and window-tinted truck to make up for any lack of “manhood,” thank you.
436. I don’t drink enough water.
437. I’m a meat-eating vegan. A carnivorous vegan, if you will. …Aaaaaand you will.
438. When I get an intense blog idea, move out of the way.
439. I like butt chins.
MONO Lessons (Part XX: 401 - 419)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
401. I lose a LOT of respect for people if I find out they’re not a registered (and active) voter.
402. Just as decongestant nasal sprays can cause rebound congestion when overused, decongestant eye drops (“red eye” eye drops) will cause rebound congestion of the eye – rebound “red eye.” Thankfully I didn’t learn this one by experience, but instead by researching allergy eye drops. I now know too much about allergy eye drops.
403. When I’m not happy, I hate hearing songs telling me to be happy.
404. Sitting on stage at Spring Awakening sounds glamorous and all, and it is, but as RTH put it, “we were still sitting on props.” My ass hurts.
405. These bodies of ours are insanely imperfect. It’s a miracle any of us are alive in the first place.
406. There is a part of me that knows this body is only a temporary inhabitance.
407. Life can really look and feel horribly sucky. It’s anything but fun to feel this way.
408. Sometimes I get MONO Lesson writer’s block, but then I write 10 other things in the meantime while I wait for it to pass.
409. Doublespeak is maddening.
410. Sausages are silly.
411. Valentine’s Day cookie making with the boyfriend = adorable idea by me. Oh, and the cookies were amazing GF, DF, and EF delights.
412. Bananas are also kind of silly. …But not as silly as sausages.
413. When it comes to sausages, my mom and I turn into 7 year olds.
414. If you’re feeling constipated and also happen to have a sinus infection, antibiotics help both. Double duty, if you will. Duty.
415. Helping feels good.
416. Sometimes, normally normal things seem weirder than they ought...while sometimes, something new and kind of weird and bizarre can feel totally natural.
417. It’s tough to tell whether a difficult situation which, whether you like it or not, has an affect on your relationship with somebody, will immensely enhance this relationship or steadily destroy it.
418. 3-4 prunes at breakfast each day helps things keep moving.
419. Prunes really do taste pretty good. (Especially Paul Newman's prunes.)
MONO Lessons (Part XIX: 383 - 400)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
383. Nancy Pelosi is perpetually watching somebody NOT use a coaster.
384. Red vs. Red is a battle of very strong wills and hard heads. I should say “Red + Red” instead…vs. sounds so opposing.
385. I’m a fucking catch. There. I finally typed it in here. Enough talk…time to put it in writing (other than text message).
386. Haikus are lacking / A sufficient amount of / Syllables to make……..a point. See?
387. Contacts are awful. I hate them. They’re definitely not for me. Glasses it is.
388. It’s not like this is a new revelation, but finals week changes my brain chemistry. It’s gross.
389. During finals week, all decision-making must be postponed until the storm is over.
390. If it happens to be fall finals week, postpone all decision-making until after January 1.
391. Casein makes up 80% of milk’s protein content.
392. Gluten and casein have a similar molecular structure.
393. White Christmas = cheese.
394. It’s amazing how much can change in just one year. It’s even more amazing how much doesn’t change.
395. TRON: Legacy…my next Inception?
396. Not only is the picture larger and clearer in IMAX, the sound is significantly better. Recommendation made.
397. Cheapness can be both a “genetic” and learned behavior.
398. Someone else in this world learned stuff while they had mono. Her name is August, even though that’s a boy’s name, apparently. ;-) Who would have thought searching “mono” and “lesson” on Twitter would give any result besides me?
399. I’m allergic to everything just like my mom. Thanks, mom.
400. Blogging success: writing about “my past” in a way that makes people think the blog is about a person.
MONO Lessons (Part XVIII: 366 - 382)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
366. The more I think about it, the more I want nothing to do with anything Mormon.
367. I need somebody to type my autobiography while I just blab away about my bizarre and somewhat heartbreaking past.
368. I don’t believe in “love at first sight.” However, I’m a strong believer in “like at first sight” and an even stronger believer in “lust at first sight.”
369. I have some unresolved issues with him.
370. She can hold out for a whole month!
371. I’m acting like a teenager and I’m fine with it.
372. Daiquiri Ice is DAIRY FREE!
373. Physics is more phun when I can phocus on it.
374. If I need a new kidney, YOU are waking up in an ice bath. Just sayin’…
375. I'm pretty rational about flying off the handle. – AEW
376. When I’m annoyed, I can’t hide it.
377. Don’t have the ice cream. Just don’t.
378. The best part about having a boyfriend is he goes to every freaking concert with me. ☺
379. When finally confronted with a question you’ve been waiting to be asked for years, it can catch you so off guard that you freeze up and avoid answering it the way you’ve rehearsed a million times in your head.
380. 1982 Tron = AWFUL! Seriously. Did Disney really release that to the general public?
381. I have never found a human being more repugnant, cowardly, and disgraceful than those two and I haven’t even met them.
382. Somebody dislikes Halloween more than I. And that’s saying something.
MONO Lessons (Part XVII: 343 - 365)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
343. Surprisingly, Lagoon is actually more fun picnic-style.
344. I miss her.
345. Even when I thought it couldn’t be done, they hurt me even more than they already had.
346. This must be what “I think I’m falling in love” feels like.
347. My past feels like someone else’s life.
348. Nutrition in this country is deplorable.
349. The Food Pyramid changed since I was in elementary school and nobody told me.
350. Another thing nobody ever told me: You’re supposed to poop at least once a day! This makes me unbelievably angry. Why did nobody ever tell me this?!
351. Life is better when you’re regular.
352. When you’ve got momentum, ride it. Ride it hard.
353. Photoshop CS2 is very…manual. It’s like driving a stick shift. I’ve never driven a stick shift, but I assume they are similar to Photoshop CS2…only completely different.
354. Wendover is like the cabin…only completely different.
355. Lagoon + Cabin + Swollen Glands + School Starting = Kidney Stone + 10(PAIN)
356. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between someone giving you a look of disgust and checking you out.
357. Low potassium increases one’s risk of kidney stones. Why the HELL did nobody mention this to me? I read this in my nutrition 1020 book. 1020. You know what 1020 means? Easy. What is wrong with our healthcare system?!?
358. Hard decisions are hard.
359. When the momentum is against you, sometimes you can’t keep fighting it any more.
360. I wear my emotions on my sleeve…and my face.
361. I wouldn't do it again, but I would NEVER take it back.
362. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. It’s overwhelming and a bit frightening.
363. A 'W' is better than not passing due to exhaustion.
364. Every time I read my nutrition book, I become more furious towards society and healthcare.
365. I’m not the only gurgler.
MONO Lessons (Part XVI: 321 - 342)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
321. I like him. I like him a lot.
322. I haven’t had the opportunity to be just friends with someone before dating them. The transition is so pleasant and non-nerve-racking. Natural, if you will.
323. I suddenly like the song “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette…hmmm…
324. It’s even weirder to have completed Psychology of Love a couple of months ago and now beginning an actual new relationship. Talk about textbook…
325. I CAN MAKE GLUTEN-FREE, DAIRY-FREE, & EGG-FREE OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES!!! Epic day. 07/11/10.
326. That woman lives her life through her pain-body. How sad.
327. Minds can change extremely fast.
328. I have identified five collective pain-bodies in which I have a stake:
a. The American Gay (LGBTQ+) Pain-Body
b. The Mormon (LDS) Pain-Body
c. The Gay Mormon Pain-Body
d. The Food Allergy Pain-Body
e. The Gluten-Intolerant/Celiac Pain-Body
329. I find hidden Mickey’s in my everyday life.
330. I’m capable of sending and receiving an “It’s me” voicemail.
331. The past can truly be haunting.
332. “D-BOX” isn’t dirty, it’s just a vibratey seat!
333. When I like a movie enough, I can see it 5 times in 15 days. Inception rocks.
334. Monday, August 30, 2010: Kidney stone. Worst. Pain. EVER.
335. Guess what? Potassium, still only inching it’s way up. I have far more blood tests than I would prefer.
336. If they changed their mind and “accepted” me, I don’t think I would go back. The damage is done.
337. Clubbing is much more tolerable with a significant other.
338. Blogging is like therapy.
339. Protests and rallies are like therapy.
340. Wendover is so sleazy it’s spectacular.
341. Gambling is kinda stupid…
342. Saying “my boyfriend” makes me all giddy. *sigh*
MONO Lessons (Part XV: 300 - 320)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
300. Some places are just not worth spending the time, energy, and money to eat (particularly gluten-free) at. I apologize for ending that sentence with a preposition.
301. It’s hard enough for me without the perpetual snide comments.
302. Mood changes can be sudden and unannounced with an obviously noticeable shift as well as sudden and announced with no detectable actual change.
303. Flash drives can never be solely trusted.
304. I feel extremely gratified when my re-petition is approved and I got everything I wanted in the first place.
305. Pride will forever be a gluten-free food that I will be swallowing regularly.
306. I can even survive 8+ vials of blood being taken from my arm!
307. It’s really weird knowing more than your own doctor…you know…the one who knows everything.
308. Back on May 3, 2010, I realized I was in limerence with her. That’s what happened! You can be in limerence with the “wrong” gender. Now I finally have a name for it!
309. These foods, oddly, have gluten in them:
a. Soy Sauce
b. Teriyaki Sauce
c. Blue Cheese
d. Marinades and Seasonings
e. Couscous – it’s actually a pasta
f. Malt (malt anything comes from barley)
g. Caramel Flavor
h. Caramel Color (but usually not any more)
i. Roasted/Glazed/Candied Nuts
j. Vitamins
k. Gravy
l. Oats…kind of…but not really. They are all too often contaminated with gluten, but don’t possess any of their own gluten. This is always a wonderful conversation starter. (See Lesson 274)
m. Tofu. Wha?! I know, right? Stupid wheat fillers. (As a side note, Kofu is 99.999% pure gluten. Note to self: Definitely avoid Kofu.)
n. Licorice
o. Imitation seafood, like imitation crab
310. These foods are shockingly gluten-free
a. Buckwheat
b. Glutinous rice
c. Corn gluten
d. Wheat grass
e. Fruity Pebbles – For some odd reason I assumed they were gluteny…
f. Rumbi’s chicken. I swear to you, everyone else’s chicken is marinated in gluten!
311. My potassium STILL isn’t as high as I was hoping. What the crap?!? No wonder my heart still has episodes.
312. It’s nice to be on the same page this time around. Thanks for giving me a break this time around, universe.
313. “Don’t look for Mr. Right, be Mr. Right and the rest will fall into place.” – MB
314. As usual, summer brings people out of the woodwork.
315. Scalp Oil + Shower Cap + Big Gun Acne Spot Treatment + Extra Lotion Around Lips = Jason Looks Like a Freaking Monster at Bedtime
316. I now have empathy for people with scalp issues ranging from mild dandruff to full-fledged scalp psoriasis.
317. Writing and mailing letters to people is really rather fun.
318. Sometimes I go WAY too long without writing mono lessons. They then get backed up (constipated, if you will) in my brain and then finally spill out all over the place.
319. A lot can change in a year. Namely feelings. Stupid fickle feelings.
320. Oddly, confusion is sometimes rather peaceful. Wha?
MONO Lessons (Part XIV: 271- 299)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
271. I think someone has ADD…
272. Almond Breeze is my favorite milk replacement. Mmmm
273. They make butters other than peanut butter.
274. Oats are a major topic of conversation. Especially among Celiacs.
275. Immune systems are actually supposed to stop a cold from taking over your body. Mine did that for the first time in years! Hooray!
276. The Stanford Prison Experiment. Ryan and I rocked this thing.
277. Gluten antibodies attack and chop down the villi in my small intestines. Lactase, the enzyme that breaks down lactose, is created in the tip of the villi. Hence, I will seem “lactose intolerant” until my villi grow back.
278. “Wheat-free” does NOT infer “gluten-free.”
279. Blogging is like a disease. A rather contagious disease.
280. I’m a gatekeeper.
281. I live my life as an oxymoron. I love oxymorons and paradoxes.
282. Mayonnaise is evil. Of the devil, if you will.
283. I am eternally grateful for my past. Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am now.
284. I am infinitely relieved to have made it through the reconciliation brawl physically alive, psychologically intact, mentally resilient, and spiritually affirmed.
285. “He’s not cute enough to be gay!” – SH. I then burst out laughing.
286. Late at night, even regular humans can suddenly become cute, cuddly zombies.
287. I attached to UTemps like it was a person…
288. These tremendously complex bodies are bound to have a few minor errors.
289. Slumdog Millionaire is simply unbelievable and moves me in a way no movie ever has.
290. Really. It’s not me! It’s everybody else…. Trust me.
291. It’s not fair. And that will continue to resonate in my mind. It’s simply not fair.
292. Outback is a GF Mecca. P.F. Chang's can be Mecca #2.
293. I think about them every single day…
294. “When in doubt, leave it out.” – Danna Korn from Living Gluten-Free for Dummies
295. Gluten could be the answer behind everything.
296. Some servers can really surprise me with their gluten-free skill and memory. Really, though, he should have written it all down…I’m complicated.
297. I will meet my soul mate at Whole Foods. I’m convinced. See “Aaron the Whole Foods Boy."
298. Windows 7 doesn’t like power outages.
299. That said, F6 is the secret, magical, earth-saving button.
MONO Lessons (Part XIII: 246-270)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
246. March 1st’s abruptness can actually continue to surprise me, and more so each year.
247. While in the shower, I realized I haven't honestly had the drive to find a companion or a mate since last July (2009). And the drive continues to be absent. (Typed in late February / early March 2010.)
248. “Time just sifts through its sift.” (from “Buildings” by Regina Spektor)
249. Swallowing pride isn’t all that bad. And it’s gluten-free!!!
250. Communication is KEY…from every individual involved.
251. Timing is everything…still.
252. Reaching new levels of friendship are the best!
253. Rapture is found in challenging yourself.
254. Once you floss for a while, on a regular basis, that is, your gums eventually stop bleeding!
255. I can’t read your damn mind.
256. A lot of people just don’t understand depression and it’s not worth my time trying to get them to understand.
257. I love my friends to death…but they can sure do some things that really grind my gears.
258. Lack of communication pisses me off.
259. I never thought I could/would talk about poop so freely and easily.
260. Addendum to lesson #205: Yes, nothing beats IMAX 3D, but nothing is more trippy than IMAX 3D on the front row. Those numbers at the beginning…they literally hit you in the face.
261. “I have been running, so sweaty my whole life / Urgent for a finish line. / And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete.” (from “Incomplete” by Alanis Morissette) Alanis taught me this a while ago, but I thought it was worth adding to my list.
262. I can live without nasal spray finally. A day for the history books: Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 11:35PM I threw away my last bottle of nasal spray. Since I hadn’t used it in a week, it seemed like an appropriate opportunity to get it out of my life.
263. All goat-derived products are absolutely repulsive.
264. Rubio’s is just plain amazing.
265. Giving an honest and positive opinion is really worthwhile.
266. I have absolutely no control over my intense attraction to certain people.
267. The only reason Saturday morning online class tests aren’t all that bad is the fact that I get to watch an episode of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers before driving up to the U.
268. Group work…ugh…it’s obnoxious, really. Always has been, always will be.
269. When I get extremely angry about my food situation, I go on a gluten-free shopping spree and throw out intolerable food at home.
270. TMI, but I’ve never pooped this regularly before. A good and healthy diet sure helps a lot.
MONO Lessons (Part XII: 229-245)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
229. I am allergic/intolerant/sensitive to:
a. Bean, Green (+1)
b. Bean, Kidney (+2)
c. Bean, Navy (+1)
d. Bean, Pinto (+1)
e. Bean, Yellow Wax (+1)
f. Beans, apparently…however, not Lima, unfortunately
g. Cheese (+2)
h. Egg (+2)
i. Egg-white (+2)
ii. Egg-yolk (+2)
i. Milk, Cow’s (+1)
i. Casein (+3)
ii. Whey – LF (+1)
iii. In other words, everything dairy.
j. Pineapple (+1)
k. Pumpkin (+1)
l. Rye (+1)
m. Tomato (+1)
n. Wheat (+3)
i. Gluten (52 units)
o. Yeast, Baker’s (+1)
p. Yeast, Brewer’s (+2)
q. Zucchini (+1)
230. The Mexican food I thought was saving my life because it’s the only thing I could get down…yeah…slowly killing me: Pinto Beans, Cheese, Sour Cream, Tortilla, Tomato Salsa… My mono nausea cure only made me sicker.
231. A simple, sincere “I’m sorry” can go a LONG way…
232. Restaurants have gluten-free menus!
233. Gluten is in everything.
234. A “positive” gluten sensitivity test is like a positive pregnancy test – you can’t be kind of pregnant and you can’t be kind of sensitive. You are.
235. I’m bitter about gluten.
236. Lesson #228 is no longer valid. I actually think I would feel worse having a Grand Slam than if I got drunk…ha.
237. I really don’t have very good gaydar. I need to accept this fact of life.
238. I still get shocked every time someone comes out to me. Haha.
239. MLIA is hilarious. TFLN is rather hilarious, but the sex and drugs can get old rather quickly. FML is just depressing.
240. “Appetite is the best seasoning.” – Jessica Johnston
241. “The moral of the story is: Don’t drink, or your clone will be murdered.” – Jessica Johnston
242. “Life takes a lifetime.” (from “Naturally” by Lisa Donnelly)
243. We don’t do physics. Physics does us.
244. IgG anti-gliadin antibodies have a half-life of 120 days.
245. With an IgG score of 52 units, after 4 months of gluten-freeness, I will be near 26 units; 8 months I will be near 13 units; and 12 months, I will be near 7 units (below 10 is normal, 3 is average). Hence, 1 year of recovery ahead. It could be worse.
MONO Lessons (Part XI: 209-228)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
209. It’s January 27, 2010, and to be honest, I don’t really think I have mono any more. However, things aren’t back to normal. My appetite is odd, my sleep cycle is odd…I just feel odd. I think I have food allergies that are prolonging everything.
210. Whether I still have mono or not, I keep learning things, so I think I should continue my mono lessons list – both for personal reasons and for the sake of blog entertainment. In case I don’t actually have mononucleosis (symptoms) any more, MONO Lessons will stand for Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational Lessons. That’s what these silly lessons really are, anyway. ☺
211. I’m grateful I took Foundations of Analysis…?!? What?!?
212. Valentine’s Day comes to mind much sooner when it appears you’ll actually have a valentine.
213. 55” of TV is a LOT of TV.
214. There are few things that will keep me up until 4am. Tennis is one of them.
215. I get extremely offended when my petition is denied.
216. Attraction is SO complicated! And it dictates our thoughts and feelings about absolutely everyone!
217. I actually can get my blood drawn with out totally freaking out.
218. Just being in the University Hospital makes me extremely happy.
219. Hospital cafeteria food is better than Union food. And cheaper. And more healthy.
220. The Green shuttle doesn’t stop at the Union, only Red and Blue do.
221. Atenolol makes being nervous so much more bearable.
222. School is “easier” when unemployed.
223. Alec Woodbury and Allie Wall have the same initials!!!
224. Leaping zombies are the best.
225. There are certain people with whom I should not be alone for an extended period of time. Specifically while school is going.
226. We’re literally writing the next page of our life novel right now; “the rest is still unwritten.”
227. Slaps in the face are rather enlightening for both parties – the slappee and the slapper.
228. I would SO much rather get a free Grand Slam at Denny’s on my 21st birthday than get drunk.
Mono Lessons (Part X: 187-208)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
187. I have more self-control than I give myself credit for having.
188. I gained my “self-control” from having some pretty crappy experiences.
189. There’s a fine line between “self-control” and extreme hesitation and caution.
190. “I don’t wanna be your other half; I believe that one and one make two.” (from “Not the Doctor” by Alanis Morissette)
191. “[I won’t] let [him] get away with kicking [his] own ass.” (from “Unsent” by Alanis Morissette)
192. I’m not crazy…well, in the sense that I’m not imagining my heart arrhythmia nor am I mistaking another chest activity for the heart arrhythmia. In other words, I have a seasonal heart arrhythmia.
193. Sherri worded this perfectly for me: “Never argue with an idiot. All they do is drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience.”
194. Atenolol is a beta-blocker. I still don’t really understand what a beta-blocker is. Let alone beta…and why it would need to be blocked.
195. Aliens scare the crap out of me enough when they’re blatantly fake that I am able to put on quite the convincing show when they are presented with a hint of realness.
196. I am apparently rather passionate about aliens.
197. I really do miss some certain people from middle and high school.
198. I don’t fall easily, quickly, willingly, simply, smoothly, comfortably, or patiently. Good luck, my friend.
199. I enjoy being a psychology test subject probably more than I should…
200. Denny’s has a TOTALLY different menu before 10pm! It’s huge!
201. Propositions from straight guys are tempting, but not when the straight guy is creepy.
202. Blog formatting takes way too much effort sometimes.
203. Seriously, zombies are funny.
204. No one else is online at 3:30 AM. Why did I not learn this sooner? Like in the 40’s or 50’s sections of the mono lessons?
205. Nothing beats IMAX 3D.
206. One-paragraph summaries of an all-over-the-place lecture are rather difficult.
207. Follow my gut… I already know this, I just need to remind myself.
208. It’s really weird to be taking The Psychology of Love when starting a new relationship…
Mono Lessons (Part IX: 166-186)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
166. The maximum amount of actually funny gay jokes has been reached.
167. Zombies are to Lindsey as Aliens are to me.
168. Allie can fit the rim of a midget Denny’s water glass in her mouth. Video proof has been captured.
169. Gay PDA in Utah is a personal safety risk.
170. An unusually large number of people are mistakenly told they have an enlarged heart.
171. Haiku is much better when in Zombie form.
172. It’s so much easier to date other Mormons.
173. Some people say to “live every week like it’s ‘Shark Week.’” I prefer to “live every week like it’s ‘Armageddon Week.”
174. I miss photography.
175. “I’ve learned how to cry and I’m better for that.” (from “Many the Miles” by Sara Bareilles)
176. Certain people are truly in the wrong line of work.
177. UTemps is my baby.
178. Hope.
179. The best medicine is laughing until it hurts. Then laughing until the hurt hurts. Then laughing until you are on the brink of crying because of the pain. Haha.
180. Arvilla is a name. A woman’s name. And she’s the best Denny’s server ever.
181. Grief and mourning is necessary for my survival, sanity, and peace of mind.
182. I have immense anger and resentment towards him for what has happened.
183. Freedom can be bittersweet.
184. Caffeine does a number on my entire body.
185. One Diet Coke can induce:
a. Heart arrhythmia
b. Hyperactivity
c. Attention deficit
d. Freezing cold hands – blood vessel constriction
e. Jitteriness
f. Racing thoughts
g. Increased heart rate
h. Anxiety associated with the heart arrhythmia
186. Never have caffeine again.
Mono Lessons (Part VIII: 141-165)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
141. Campfire-giraffe-merhhh nights are the best.
142. First meetings are always awkward. I don’t care how comfortable you think you are with someone, it’s still awkward that first time.
143. I performed quite well on my PDE tests considering I quit doing the homework halfway through the course. The mono excuse helped me out on that one…
144. I love and admire Stacie and Anita.
145. The only hope UTemps has is in our departure. No longer having stake in the Program, we can lay it all out there as we leave.
146. Change is the only constant.
147. It’s too little too late.
148. Miracles continue to happen.
149. There’s something to this “power of attraction.”
150. Some people truly do have empathy and show it in ways that are the most helpful at the time.
151. Grade miracles continue to happen.
152. I allocate and work with my “time” a lot differently than I used to.
153. Television contentment can be found solely through Hulu…and CBS.com since they’re chumps and don’t post their shows to Hulu.
154. Timing is everything.
155. “Boffin” is British slang for “scientist,” NOT “homosexual.”
156. Mexican food is the only constant.
157. I “may be gay, but [I’m] not ‘RENT gay.’”
158. I may be nerdy, but I’m not “pocket protector nerdy.”
159. Zombies are hilarious and even cuddly.
160. My friends are freaks. My favorite freaks ever. ☺
161. Mono makes me eat like a pregnant woman at Denny’s.
162. I prefer my sushi in rolls.
163. Shockingly enough, not everything orange tastes good. That caviar was the most beautiful shade of orange………
164. I’m uber uncoordinated with chopsticks. And I throw them when I’ve just had enough of their nonsense.
165. It takes a lot of energy to stay “on” when meeting bunches of new people.
Mono Lessons (Part VII: 121-140)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
121. I’m picky.
122. I can pop 34 individual joints plus my neck and back. Ha.
123. My multi-vitamin doesn’t have potassium in it.
124. Some things need my attention more than others.
125. Gay marriage might not be the best solution… Didn’t think I’d say that, did ya?
126. Patience: I don’t have a lot…so I’ve sure had a lot to gain.
127. Downtown Denny’s has a VERY different crowd than our local Cottonwood Heights Denny’s at 1am.
128. This place is full of fuckheads. Pardon me.
129. I give SLCC a lot of (somewhat undeserved) crap. However, there does exist an even less respectable school to attend. I’ll refrain from naming it right now…. Care to guess what it is? No, not BYU....
130. A fast-dripping IV creates one of the strangest internal sensations I’ve ever felt.
131. When 4 people are tag teaming you in an ER room, it’s easier to ignore the fact that at least five vials of blood are being drawn from your arm.
132. December 14, 2009 at approximately 10:15pm: the exact moment I forgave Michael and myself for everything regarding that experience...and then some. Took me 2.5 years. Yes!!!
133. Even if I’m not proud of my past, I need to take responsibility and ownership of it. It makes me who I am today.
134. “Reparative” therapy may not be the devil’s work as I once thought. My own attempt at self-“reparative” therapy was anything but fun and/or successful, but again, the experience helped make me the secure person I am today. How can I deny someone that experience?
135. My reaction to “reparative” therapy is like that of a parent watching their child go through an experience they wish they didn’t have to watch. The kind of experience the parent wishes their child could learn without having to actually experience the experience. But unfortunately, most people only truly learn what they need to by going through those intense experiences.
136. Forgiveness is one of the hardest tasks to accomplish. It is also one of the most relieving and worthwhile things to accomplish.
137. Forgiveness can take for.e.ver.
138. You definitely can’t always trust your doctor. Question everything.
139. The changes I have been waiting for are actually happening. I don’t like it.
140. A certain someone is more than incompetent, they’re an asshole too.
Mono Lessons (Part VI: 100-120)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
100. Bowling only works out one arm.
101. I must stay on a regular eating schedule.
102. I REALLY can hold a grudge.
103. Poor lane etiquette really pisses me off.
104. I feel more comfortable bowling in light. Yes, rather than dark.
105. The harmonica is harder to play than it looks.
106. I’m confused by the phenomenon of “friends with benefits.”
107. Some people and environments can become truly toxic I one’s life.
108. I might have to fight with my brother about which one of us gets to name our first son Dean.
109. I have a slight potassium deficiency.
110. Potassium deficiency is called hypokalemia. I think the “k” is in there solely for its atomic symbol.
111. Hypokalemia has many symptoms identical to those of mono.
112. I have a fairly pronounced and normal sinus arrhythmia.
113. I also have a more exciting arrhythmia that I don’t have a fun name for…yet. I just happen to get tons and tons premature beats when in its peak.
114. There is some technology that seems like it would, should, and could be so much more advanced than it is, but it isn’t.
115. Jailbait isn’t as exciting as it sounds.
116. It is possible to steal from Express.com without meaning to. Then when you try to correct the error through your local Express store, they can’t help you. Lastly, you feel okay about having accidentally stolen due to Express’ error and lack of in-store correctional skills.
117. Jealousy arrives when I learn someone was able to make out with a hot redhead.
118. December 6, 2009 – Panda fortune reads: “You will always be surrounded by true friends.” Jason then begins crying in the mall food court with his friend. ☺
119. It’s nice to have pants that fit.
120. These things I actually like and they also have potassium in them:
a. Orange juice
b. Cranberry juice
c. Kiwis
d. Mangoes (non-pinetree-tasting)
e. Papayas
f. Pears
g. Giant potassium pills that are even larger than Augmenton
h. Nectarines
i. Raisins
j. Banana splits. ☺
k. Salmon
l. Halibut
m. Cod
n. Tuna
o. Apricots
p. Strawberries
q. Broccoli
r. Cauliflower
s. Brussels sprouts. Yes, I like Brussels sprouts. Wanna take this outside?
t. Cantaloupe
u. Onions
v. Spinach
w. Baked potatoes. Unfortunately, most of the potassium is in the disgusting skin.
x. Nuts
y. Avocados…in guacamole. That’s the only way I can handle avocados.
z. And finally, bananas…listed last for so many reasons…
Mono Lessons (Part V: 83-99)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
83. Power Rangers rocked and still do and still will.
84. I’m not a twink. Only twinkish.
85. The ugly truth about gaydar.
86. How much I enjoyed researching and writing my paper on gaydar.
87. I wasn’t taught proper sex education in public school.
88. HIV/AIDS discussions now get me riled up.
89. Certain artists are more talented than I can comprehend.
90. I still adore hot redheads… It’s a curse.
91. Gender & Sexual Orientation (GNDR 5770) is the best class I’ve ever taken. Ever. I mean it. Thanks Lisa!!!
92. I really just don’t like Kenny Chesney.
93. Miranda Lambert’s voice is annoying. Especially her talking voice.
94. The exact same things stars go through in the public eye happen to our friends too.
95. There is an endless list of things I could have done differently if I would have known I had mono sooner.
96. Sometimes that endless list starts to repeat itself in my head.
97. It’s not worth listing everything I could have done differently. I only have NOW.
98. Nothing beats good customer service.
99. Unreliable cars make driving so much more stressful than it used to be…than it should be.
Mono Lessons (Part IV: 67-82)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
67. A certain somebody snores.
68. Wrap it up.
69. The beauty of self-checkout in supermarkets.
70. Just because they’re your doctor doesn’t mean they’re right.
71. I already know and should quit pretending.
72. It feels good to give advice I’ve practiced myself.
73. Sometimes friends need a good ol’ figurative slap in the face.
74. Sometimes friends need a good ol’ literal slap in the face.
75. It’s really tough to get people to open their eyes. Especially in this place.
76. I have a lot of things I want to do.
77. I have passion.
78. It’s okay to tell people you have mono; they understand.
79. No matter how many people deny it, they hear mono and figure your lips get around.
80. Some people’s lips really do get around…
81. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small, small world.
82. Mono + Cold – Nasal Spray + Listerine Mouthwash = Attempted Suicide
Mono Lessons (Part III: 51-66)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
51. It could have been worse.
52. IKEA is one of the best ideas ever.
53. You can truly forgive without actually forgetting.
54. Some talent goes beyond my wildest dreams.
55. Gender and sexual orientation are 100x more complicated and confusing than I ever thought. And look whose talking.
56. “Gay” doesn’t quite cut it. But is there something that does?
57. You can’t get nasal spray vaccinations for the flu if you have some sort of preexisting condition.
58. It’s hard to stay “healthy enough” to have a chance to get a regular injected flu vaccine.
59. People use the most idiotic excuses to avoid taking responsibility.
60. I can actually work from home quite easily if I don’t have to call anybody.
61. The politics in that place are fucking bullshit. Oh wait, I knew that already. It was just reaffirmed…again. How redundant.
62. Kneaders has the best oatmeal raison cookies.
63. Butternut squash bisque from Paradise is amazing.
64. On ultra annoying nausea days, Chipotle is often the only thing I can fathom eating. Specifically the hard shell tacos.
65. Jessica and I have our mindless and hilarious conversations at work to help keep a satisfying level of sanity (or insanity).
66. Mono screwed with my:
a. Appetite
b. Skin
c. Scalp
d. Sinuses
e. Throat
f. Weight
g. Pants
h. Belts
i. Head
j. Judgment
k. Voice
l. Personality
m. Mood
n. Amount of sleep
o. Sleep patterns
p. Sleep schedule
q. Sleep in general, apparently
r. School schedule
s. Work schedule
t. Boy schedule
u. Friend schedule
v. Homework schedule
w. Probably my pancreas
x. Probably the sac around my heart
y. Stamina
z. Motivation
aa. Drive
bb. Heart rhythm
cc. Diet
dd. Hydration
ee. Potassium levels