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Thank U
On a slightly less serious note, but still just as profound as my previous blog, here are some more college "Thank U"'s:
Neti Pot
Thank U, Matt, for talking to me about gross neti pot and other sinus cleaning things. And for being my first kiss. Yep, I publicly admitted it.
Thank U, Spencer, for reminding me how fun (and insanely weird and confusing) it is to be young.
Thank U, LeAnn, for being my big sister.
LeAnn Rimes
Thank U, Rachel, for being my gluten-free rock.
Thank U, Kelly, for brightening my Noodle-filled dinners.
Thank U, Kelsey, for encouraging me to ride the shuttle...YOUR shuttle. Also, for the many blonde moments you give my life.
THE Judy McLane & The Brandon Suisse
at the stage door of Mamma Mia!
Thank U, Brandon, for being my own personal theatre encyclopedia.
Thank U, Judy, for bringing me theatre that makes me feel.
Thank U, Rachael, for being somebody I know on the radio and for sometimes telling me the news when I wake up.
"You Lost!"
I see this a lot with him...
Thank U, Jesse, for always playing every "With Friends" game with me...even though you always win. I hope I at least give you a good challenge every now and then!
Thank U, Dylan, for incessantly torturing me with your charming good looks and personality. You nerd!
Imogen Heap
Thank U, Imogen, for numbing the pain, lessening the anxiety, and inspiring awe.
Thank U, Max, for being a crazy funny bisexual hipster...whatever that is...
Thank U, Brendan, for being okay with me accidentally stalking you in the Union for a couple of weeks before I even knew you.
Thank U, Melissa, for marrying a straight man. ;-) Oh, and for every single thing you taught me.
Thank U, Davey Wavey and Haley Star, for adding some much-needed humor (and abdominal muscles) to my life.
Thank U, Sam, for singing. Please don't stop. I heart you.
"Angel" by Vinyl Tapestries (aka, Sam)
Thank U, Medium, FlashForward, Glee, Desperate Housewives, Fringe, The Amazing Race, The Middle, Modern Family, Parks and Recreation, The Office, The Sing Off, New Girl, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Happy Endings and Seinfeld, for making my life seem so boring, yet so much LESS dramatic than I tend to think it is.
Thank U, Tron: Legacy, Sucker Punch, Midnight in Paris, The Help, Inception, Shutter Island, Slumdog Millionaire, Killers, and Zombieland, for the escape and stimulation.
Thank U, sexuality.
Thank U, rapture.
Thank U, music.
Thank U, UTemps.
Thank U, PTC.
Thank U, "ah-ha!" moments.
Thank U, mono.
Thank U, Westminster, CO.
Thank U, Apple.
Thank U, iPhone.
Thank U, Cymbalta.
Thank U, Disneyland.
Thank U, Proposition 8.
Thank U, Packer.
Thank U, Cupid.
Thank U, pride.
Thank U, gluten.
Thank U.
MONO Lessons (Part XX: 401 - 419)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
401. I lose a LOT of respect for people if I find out they’re not a registered (and active) voter.
402. Just as decongestant nasal sprays can cause rebound congestion when overused, decongestant eye drops (“red eye” eye drops) will cause rebound congestion of the eye – rebound “red eye.” Thankfully I didn’t learn this one by experience, but instead by researching allergy eye drops. I now know too much about allergy eye drops.
403. When I’m not happy, I hate hearing songs telling me to be happy.
404. Sitting on stage at Spring Awakening sounds glamorous and all, and it is, but as RTH put it, “we were still sitting on props.” My ass hurts.
405. These bodies of ours are insanely imperfect. It’s a miracle any of us are alive in the first place.
406. There is a part of me that knows this body is only a temporary inhabitance.
407. Life can really look and feel horribly sucky. It’s anything but fun to feel this way.
408. Sometimes I get MONO Lesson writer’s block, but then I write 10 other things in the meantime while I wait for it to pass.
409. Doublespeak is maddening.
410. Sausages are silly.
411. Valentine’s Day cookie making with the boyfriend = adorable idea by me. Oh, and the cookies were amazing GF, DF, and EF delights.
412. Bananas are also kind of silly. …But not as silly as sausages.
413. When it comes to sausages, my mom and I turn into 7 year olds.
414. If you’re feeling constipated and also happen to have a sinus infection, antibiotics help both. Double duty, if you will. Duty.
415. Helping feels good.
416. Sometimes, normally normal things seem weirder than they ought...while sometimes, something new and kind of weird and bizarre can feel totally natural.
417. It’s tough to tell whether a difficult situation which, whether you like it or not, has an affect on your relationship with somebody, will immensely enhance this relationship or steadily destroy it.
418. 3-4 prunes at breakfast each day helps things keep moving.
419. Prunes really do taste pretty good. (Especially Paul Newman's prunes.)
Because God Told Me So: Caffeine
I don't drink coffee...because God told me so.
I don't drink tea...because God told me so.
I drink Coke...Diet Coke...Mountain Dew...Red Bull, Amp, Monster, Rockstar, and 5 Hour Energy...because God didn't tell me I couldn't.
Caffeine content of all the above mentioned beverages:
| Beverage | Caffeine Content (mg/oz) | Sugar Content (g/oz) |
|---|---|---|
| Coke |
2.9
|
3.38
|
| Diet Coke |
3.8
|
0 (aspartame...)
|
| Mountain Dew |
4.5
|
3.92
|
| Red Bull |
9.5
|
3.19
|
| Amp |
8.9 - 11.2
|
3.12 - 3.62
|
| Monster |
8.4 - 13.2
|
2.60 - 3.38
|
| Rockstar |
10 - 20.8
|
2.12 - 4.94
|
| 5 Hour Energy |
69
|
0
|
| Coffee |
13.4
|
0
|
| Decaf Coffee |
0.7
|
0
|
| Brewed, Iced and Chai Tea |
5.9
|
0
|
| Green Tea |
3.1
|
0
|
Data from http://www.energyfiend.com/
I don't avoid caffeine because God told me so. I have a heart arrhythmia that is greatly aggravated by caffeine. The arrhythmia is not life-threatening or anything like that, but it's annoying, to say the least. So, I avoid caffeine. I do enjoy tea, but it is usually herbal tea and therefore caffeine free. I sometimes have green tea, but it appears its other positive effects outweigh its caffeine content for me. Now coffee I just think is nasty. Decaf or not, I'll pass. I just think it's gross!
The sugar content statistics speak for themselves...
Those are MY reasons for following MY personal "word of wisdom". Through trial and error, personal experience, and personal revelation, I have learned my body and mind do not like caffeine.
MONO Lessons (Part XIX: 383 - 400)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
383. Nancy Pelosi is perpetually watching somebody NOT use a coaster.
384. Red vs. Red is a battle of very strong wills and hard heads. I should say “Red + Red” instead…vs. sounds so opposing.
385. I’m a fucking catch. There. I finally typed it in here. Enough talk…time to put it in writing (other than text message).
386. Haikus are lacking / A sufficient amount of / Syllables to make……..a point. See?
387. Contacts are awful. I hate them. They’re definitely not for me. Glasses it is.
388. It’s not like this is a new revelation, but finals week changes my brain chemistry. It’s gross.
389. During finals week, all decision-making must be postponed until the storm is over.
390. If it happens to be fall finals week, postpone all decision-making until after January 1.
391. Casein makes up 80% of milk’s protein content.
392. Gluten and casein have a similar molecular structure.
393. White Christmas = cheese.
394. It’s amazing how much can change in just one year. It’s even more amazing how much doesn’t change.
395. TRON: Legacy…my next Inception?
396. Not only is the picture larger and clearer in IMAX, the sound is significantly better. Recommendation made.
397. Cheapness can be both a “genetic” and learned behavior.
398. Someone else in this world learned stuff while they had mono. Her name is August, even though that’s a boy’s name, apparently. ;-) Who would have thought searching “mono” and “lesson” on Twitter would give any result besides me?
399. I’m allergic to everything just like my mom. Thanks, mom.
400. Blogging success: writing about “my past” in a way that makes people think the blog is about a person.
MONO Lessons (Part XVIII: 366 - 382)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
366. The more I think about it, the more I want nothing to do with anything Mormon.
367. I need somebody to type my autobiography while I just blab away about my bizarre and somewhat heartbreaking past.
368. I don’t believe in “love at first sight.” However, I’m a strong believer in “like at first sight” and an even stronger believer in “lust at first sight.”
369. I have some unresolved issues with him.
370. She can hold out for a whole month!
371. I’m acting like a teenager and I’m fine with it.
372. Daiquiri Ice is DAIRY FREE!
373. Physics is more phun when I can phocus on it.
374. If I need a new kidney, YOU are waking up in an ice bath. Just sayin’…
375. I'm pretty rational about flying off the handle. – AEW
376. When I’m annoyed, I can’t hide it.
377. Don’t have the ice cream. Just don’t.
378. The best part about having a boyfriend is he goes to every freaking concert with me. ☺
379. When finally confronted with a question you’ve been waiting to be asked for years, it can catch you so off guard that you freeze up and avoid answering it the way you’ve rehearsed a million times in your head.
380. 1982 Tron = AWFUL! Seriously. Did Disney really release that to the general public?
381. I have never found a human being more repugnant, cowardly, and disgraceful than those two and I haven’t even met them.
382. Somebody dislikes Halloween more than I. And that’s saying something.
MONO Lessons (Part XV: 300 - 320)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
300. Some places are just not worth spending the time, energy, and money to eat (particularly gluten-free) at. I apologize for ending that sentence with a preposition.
301. It’s hard enough for me without the perpetual snide comments.
302. Mood changes can be sudden and unannounced with an obviously noticeable shift as well as sudden and announced with no detectable actual change.
303. Flash drives can never be solely trusted.
304. I feel extremely gratified when my re-petition is approved and I got everything I wanted in the first place.
305. Pride will forever be a gluten-free food that I will be swallowing regularly.
306. I can even survive 8+ vials of blood being taken from my arm!
307. It’s really weird knowing more than your own doctor…you know…the one who knows everything.
308. Back on May 3, 2010, I realized I was in limerence with her. That’s what happened! You can be in limerence with the “wrong” gender. Now I finally have a name for it!
309. These foods, oddly, have gluten in them:
a. Soy Sauce
b. Teriyaki Sauce
c. Blue Cheese
d. Marinades and Seasonings
e. Couscous – it’s actually a pasta
f. Malt (malt anything comes from barley)
g. Caramel Flavor
h. Caramel Color (but usually not any more)
i. Roasted/Glazed/Candied Nuts
j. Vitamins
k. Gravy
l. Oats…kind of…but not really. They are all too often contaminated with gluten, but don’t possess any of their own gluten. This is always a wonderful conversation starter. (See Lesson 274)
m. Tofu. Wha?! I know, right? Stupid wheat fillers. (As a side note, Kofu is 99.999% pure gluten. Note to self: Definitely avoid Kofu.)
n. Licorice
o. Imitation seafood, like imitation crab
310. These foods are shockingly gluten-free
a. Buckwheat
b. Glutinous rice
c. Corn gluten
d. Wheat grass
e. Fruity Pebbles – For some odd reason I assumed they were gluteny…
f. Rumbi’s chicken. I swear to you, everyone else’s chicken is marinated in gluten!
311. My potassium STILL isn’t as high as I was hoping. What the crap?!? No wonder my heart still has episodes.
312. It’s nice to be on the same page this time around. Thanks for giving me a break this time around, universe.
313. “Don’t look for Mr. Right, be Mr. Right and the rest will fall into place.” – MB
314. As usual, summer brings people out of the woodwork.
315. Scalp Oil + Shower Cap + Big Gun Acne Spot Treatment + Extra Lotion Around Lips = Jason Looks Like a Freaking Monster at Bedtime
316. I now have empathy for people with scalp issues ranging from mild dandruff to full-fledged scalp psoriasis.
317. Writing and mailing letters to people is really rather fun.
318. Sometimes I go WAY too long without writing mono lessons. They then get backed up (constipated, if you will) in my brain and then finally spill out all over the place.
319. A lot can change in a year. Namely feelings. Stupid fickle feelings.
320. Oddly, confusion is sometimes rather peaceful. Wha?
The Year of Immunotherapy?
Please let this year be better. I'm so tired. I haven't felt well since May of 2008 and I'm tired of trying. But apparently not tired enough to quit.
Westminster, Colorado.
A "cold"
Turns into a "sinus infection."
Bactrim, Ceftin, Azithromycin, Augmenton.
Hives.
Epic hives.
Again
And again.
Turns out it was mono.
Quite the misdiagnosis
Duh.
School starts in 4 days.
Semester from hell.
ER visit.
Finally confronting my heart arrhythmia.
Miracle semester.
Not feeling better;
In fact, feeling worse.
Quit my job of 2.5 years.
Goodbye to the best coworkers on earth.
Time to focus on health and school.
Turns out I'm gluten intolerant.
Diet changes.
Diet changes.
Diet changes.
Diet changes.
Diet changes.
Feeling slightly better.
Disneyland.
Feeling quite a bit better.
Lagoon.
Cabin.
Something's not right.
School starts.
Worst pain ever.
ER visit.
Kidney stone.
Nausea, pain, lortab, and flomax.
And lortab...did I mention the lortab?
School...
Work...
W...
Feels like mono again
Only it isn't.
What a relief!
Wait, then what is it?
I'm allergic to this valley.
Is immunotherapy my next solution?
MONO Lessons (Part XIII: 246-270)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
246. March 1st’s abruptness can actually continue to surprise me, and more so each year.
247. While in the shower, I realized I haven't honestly had the drive to find a companion or a mate since last July (2009). And the drive continues to be absent. (Typed in late February / early March 2010.)
248. “Time just sifts through its sift.” (from “Buildings” by Regina Spektor)
249. Swallowing pride isn’t all that bad. And it’s gluten-free!!!
250. Communication is KEY…from every individual involved.
251. Timing is everything…still.
252. Reaching new levels of friendship are the best!
253. Rapture is found in challenging yourself.
254. Once you floss for a while, on a regular basis, that is, your gums eventually stop bleeding!
255. I can’t read your damn mind.
256. A lot of people just don’t understand depression and it’s not worth my time trying to get them to understand.
257. I love my friends to death…but they can sure do some things that really grind my gears.
258. Lack of communication pisses me off.
259. I never thought I could/would talk about poop so freely and easily.
260. Addendum to lesson #205: Yes, nothing beats IMAX 3D, but nothing is more trippy than IMAX 3D on the front row. Those numbers at the beginning…they literally hit you in the face.
261. “I have been running, so sweaty my whole life / Urgent for a finish line. / And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete.” (from “Incomplete” by Alanis Morissette) Alanis taught me this a while ago, but I thought it was worth adding to my list.
262. I can live without nasal spray finally. A day for the history books: Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 11:35PM I threw away my last bottle of nasal spray. Since I hadn’t used it in a week, it seemed like an appropriate opportunity to get it out of my life.
263. All goat-derived products are absolutely repulsive.
264. Rubio’s is just plain amazing.
265. Giving an honest and positive opinion is really worthwhile.
266. I have absolutely no control over my intense attraction to certain people.
267. The only reason Saturday morning online class tests aren’t all that bad is the fact that I get to watch an episode of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers before driving up to the U.
268. Group work…ugh…it’s obnoxious, really. Always has been, always will be.
269. When I get extremely angry about my food situation, I go on a gluten-free shopping spree and throw out intolerable food at home.
270. TMI, but I’ve never pooped this regularly before. A good and healthy diet sure helps a lot.
MONO Lessons (Part XII: 229-245)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
229. I am allergic/intolerant/sensitive to:
a. Bean, Green (+1)
b. Bean, Kidney (+2)
c. Bean, Navy (+1)
d. Bean, Pinto (+1)
e. Bean, Yellow Wax (+1)
f. Beans, apparently…however, not Lima, unfortunately
g. Cheese (+2)
h. Egg (+2)
i. Egg-white (+2)
ii. Egg-yolk (+2)
i. Milk, Cow’s (+1)
i. Casein (+3)
ii. Whey – LF (+1)
iii. In other words, everything dairy.
j. Pineapple (+1)
k. Pumpkin (+1)
l. Rye (+1)
m. Tomato (+1)
n. Wheat (+3)
i. Gluten (52 units)
o. Yeast, Baker’s (+1)
p. Yeast, Brewer’s (+2)
q. Zucchini (+1)
230. The Mexican food I thought was saving my life because it’s the only thing I could get down…yeah…slowly killing me: Pinto Beans, Cheese, Sour Cream, Tortilla, Tomato Salsa… My mono nausea cure only made me sicker.
231. A simple, sincere “I’m sorry” can go a LONG way…
232. Restaurants have gluten-free menus!
233. Gluten is in everything.
234. A “positive” gluten sensitivity test is like a positive pregnancy test – you can’t be kind of pregnant and you can’t be kind of sensitive. You are.
235. I’m bitter about gluten.
236. Lesson #228 is no longer valid. I actually think I would feel worse having a Grand Slam than if I got drunk…ha.
237. I really don’t have very good gaydar. I need to accept this fact of life.
238. I still get shocked every time someone comes out to me. Haha.
239. MLIA is hilarious. TFLN is rather hilarious, but the sex and drugs can get old rather quickly. FML is just depressing.
240. “Appetite is the best seasoning.” – Jessica Johnston
241. “The moral of the story is: Don’t drink, or your clone will be murdered.” – Jessica Johnston
242. “Life takes a lifetime.” (from “Naturally” by Lisa Donnelly)
243. We don’t do physics. Physics does us.
244. IgG anti-gliadin antibodies have a half-life of 120 days.
245. With an IgG score of 52 units, after 4 months of gluten-freeness, I will be near 26 units; 8 months I will be near 13 units; and 12 months, I will be near 7 units (below 10 is normal, 3 is average). Hence, 1 year of recovery ahead. It could be worse.
MONO Lessons (Part XI: 209-228)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
209. It’s January 27, 2010, and to be honest, I don’t really think I have mono any more. However, things aren’t back to normal. My appetite is odd, my sleep cycle is odd…I just feel odd. I think I have food allergies that are prolonging everything.
210. Whether I still have mono or not, I keep learning things, so I think I should continue my mono lessons list – both for personal reasons and for the sake of blog entertainment. In case I don’t actually have mononucleosis (symptoms) any more, MONO Lessons will stand for Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational Lessons. That’s what these silly lessons really are, anyway. ☺
211. I’m grateful I took Foundations of Analysis…?!? What?!?
212. Valentine’s Day comes to mind much sooner when it appears you’ll actually have a valentine.
213. 55” of TV is a LOT of TV.
214. There are few things that will keep me up until 4am. Tennis is one of them.
215. I get extremely offended when my petition is denied.
216. Attraction is SO complicated! And it dictates our thoughts and feelings about absolutely everyone!
217. I actually can get my blood drawn with out totally freaking out.
218. Just being in the University Hospital makes me extremely happy.
219. Hospital cafeteria food is better than Union food. And cheaper. And more healthy.
220. The Green shuttle doesn’t stop at the Union, only Red and Blue do.
221. Atenolol makes being nervous so much more bearable.
222. School is “easier” when unemployed.
223. Alec Woodbury and Allie Wall have the same initials!!!
224. Leaping zombies are the best.
225. There are certain people with whom I should not be alone for an extended period of time. Specifically while school is going.
226. We’re literally writing the next page of our life novel right now; “the rest is still unwritten.”
227. Slaps in the face are rather enlightening for both parties – the slappee and the slapper.
228. I would SO much rather get a free Grand Slam at Denny’s on my 21st birthday than get drunk.
One Year Ago Today...
One year ago today...
I started getting a "cold"...
Which turned into a "sinus infection"...
Mono the whole time
I'd only had my blood drawn twice in 20 years
I had never regularly broken out in hives
My heart arrhythmia was as common as a Venus transit
All tea tasted like hay
The "Mono Lessons" began to occur but were not yet being documented
"Tired" had a completely different meaning
I had a great job
I had the most incredible coworkers
I was taking my first business trip
We were as strong as ever
We were beginning to truly bond
The end was at least 2 years away
...not 6 months
Life wasn't as hemorrhoidy and didn't sting
Life wasn't as bloated
Life wasn't as constipated
But it was a bit...irregular
I ate whatever the hell I wanted
I weighed 170 lbs
I wasn't as experienced
I wasn't as empathetic
I wasn't as forgiving
Lisa hadn't yet changed my life
I wasn't as patient
I wasn't as friendly
I wasn't as mindful
I didn't know I'd be so happy to have the last year behind me
...one year ago today.
Mono Lessons (Part X: 187-208)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
187. I have more self-control than I give myself credit for having.
188. I gained my “self-control” from having some pretty crappy experiences.
189. There’s a fine line between “self-control” and extreme hesitation and caution.
190. “I don’t wanna be your other half; I believe that one and one make two.” (from “Not the Doctor” by Alanis Morissette)
191. “[I won’t] let [him] get away with kicking [his] own ass.” (from “Unsent” by Alanis Morissette)
192. I’m not crazy…well, in the sense that I’m not imagining my heart arrhythmia nor am I mistaking another chest activity for the heart arrhythmia. In other words, I have a seasonal heart arrhythmia.
193. Sherri worded this perfectly for me: “Never argue with an idiot. All they do is drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience.”
194. Atenolol is a beta-blocker. I still don’t really understand what a beta-blocker is. Let alone beta…and why it would need to be blocked.
195. Aliens scare the crap out of me enough when they’re blatantly fake that I am able to put on quite the convincing show when they are presented with a hint of realness.
196. I am apparently rather passionate about aliens.
197. I really do miss some certain people from middle and high school.
198. I don’t fall easily, quickly, willingly, simply, smoothly, comfortably, or patiently. Good luck, my friend.
199. I enjoy being a psychology test subject probably more than I should…
200. Denny’s has a TOTALLY different menu before 10pm! It’s huge!
201. Propositions from straight guys are tempting, but not when the straight guy is creepy.
202. Blog formatting takes way too much effort sometimes.
203. Seriously, zombies are funny.
204. No one else is online at 3:30 AM. Why did I not learn this sooner? Like in the 40’s or 50’s sections of the mono lessons?
205. Nothing beats IMAX 3D.
206. One-paragraph summaries of an all-over-the-place lecture are rather difficult.
207. Follow my gut… I already know this, I just need to remind myself.
208. It’s really weird to be taking The Psychology of Love when starting a new relationship…
Mono Lessons (Part VIII: 141-165)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
141. Campfire-giraffe-merhhh nights are the best.
142. First meetings are always awkward. I don’t care how comfortable you think you are with someone, it’s still awkward that first time.
143. I performed quite well on my PDE tests considering I quit doing the homework halfway through the course. The mono excuse helped me out on that one…
144. I love and admire Stacie and Anita.
145. The only hope UTemps has is in our departure. No longer having stake in the Program, we can lay it all out there as we leave.
146. Change is the only constant.
147. It’s too little too late.
148. Miracles continue to happen.
149. There’s something to this “power of attraction.”
150. Some people truly do have empathy and show it in ways that are the most helpful at the time.
151. Grade miracles continue to happen.
152. I allocate and work with my “time” a lot differently than I used to.
153. Television contentment can be found solely through Hulu…and CBS.com since they’re chumps and don’t post their shows to Hulu.
154. Timing is everything.
155. “Boffin” is British slang for “scientist,” NOT “homosexual.”
156. Mexican food is the only constant.
157. I “may be gay, but [I’m] not ‘RENT gay.’”
158. I may be nerdy, but I’m not “pocket protector nerdy.”
159. Zombies are hilarious and even cuddly.
160. My friends are freaks. My favorite freaks ever. ☺
161. Mono makes me eat like a pregnant woman at Denny’s.
162. I prefer my sushi in rolls.
163. Shockingly enough, not everything orange tastes good. That caviar was the most beautiful shade of orange………
164. I’m uber uncoordinated with chopsticks. And I throw them when I’ve just had enough of their nonsense.
165. It takes a lot of energy to stay “on” when meeting bunches of new people.
Mono Lessons (Part VII: 121-140)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
121. I’m picky.
122. I can pop 34 individual joints plus my neck and back. Ha.
123. My multi-vitamin doesn’t have potassium in it.
124. Some things need my attention more than others.
125. Gay marriage might not be the best solution… Didn’t think I’d say that, did ya?
126. Patience: I don’t have a lot…so I’ve sure had a lot to gain.
127. Downtown Denny’s has a VERY different crowd than our local Cottonwood Heights Denny’s at 1am.
128. This place is full of fuckheads. Pardon me.
129. I give SLCC a lot of (somewhat undeserved) crap. However, there does exist an even less respectable school to attend. I’ll refrain from naming it right now…. Care to guess what it is? No, not BYU....
130. A fast-dripping IV creates one of the strangest internal sensations I’ve ever felt.
131. When 4 people are tag teaming you in an ER room, it’s easier to ignore the fact that at least five vials of blood are being drawn from your arm.
132. December 14, 2009 at approximately 10:15pm: the exact moment I forgave Michael and myself for everything regarding that experience...and then some. Took me 2.5 years. Yes!!!
133. Even if I’m not proud of my past, I need to take responsibility and ownership of it. It makes me who I am today.
134. “Reparative” therapy may not be the devil’s work as I once thought. My own attempt at self-“reparative” therapy was anything but fun and/or successful, but again, the experience helped make me the secure person I am today. How can I deny someone that experience?
135. My reaction to “reparative” therapy is like that of a parent watching their child go through an experience they wish they didn’t have to watch. The kind of experience the parent wishes their child could learn without having to actually experience the experience. But unfortunately, most people only truly learn what they need to by going through those intense experiences.
136. Forgiveness is one of the hardest tasks to accomplish. It is also one of the most relieving and worthwhile things to accomplish.
137. Forgiveness can take for.e.ver.
138. You definitely can’t always trust your doctor. Question everything.
139. The changes I have been waiting for are actually happening. I don’t like it.
140. A certain someone is more than incompetent, they’re an asshole too.
Mono Lessons (Part VI: 100-120)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
100. Bowling only works out one arm.
101. I must stay on a regular eating schedule.
102. I REALLY can hold a grudge.
103. Poor lane etiquette really pisses me off.
104. I feel more comfortable bowling in light. Yes, rather than dark.
105. The harmonica is harder to play than it looks.
106. I’m confused by the phenomenon of “friends with benefits.”
107. Some people and environments can become truly toxic I one’s life.
108. I might have to fight with my brother about which one of us gets to name our first son Dean.
109. I have a slight potassium deficiency.
110. Potassium deficiency is called hypokalemia. I think the “k” is in there solely for its atomic symbol.
111. Hypokalemia has many symptoms identical to those of mono.
112. I have a fairly pronounced and normal sinus arrhythmia.
113. I also have a more exciting arrhythmia that I don’t have a fun name for…yet. I just happen to get tons and tons premature beats when in its peak.
114. There is some technology that seems like it would, should, and could be so much more advanced than it is, but it isn’t.
115. Jailbait isn’t as exciting as it sounds.
116. It is possible to steal from Express.com without meaning to. Then when you try to correct the error through your local Express store, they can’t help you. Lastly, you feel okay about having accidentally stolen due to Express’ error and lack of in-store correctional skills.
117. Jealousy arrives when I learn someone was able to make out with a hot redhead.
118. December 6, 2009 – Panda fortune reads: “You will always be surrounded by true friends.” Jason then begins crying in the mall food court with his friend. ☺
119. It’s nice to have pants that fit.
120. These things I actually like and they also have potassium in them:
a. Orange juice
b. Cranberry juice
c. Kiwis
d. Mangoes (non-pinetree-tasting)
e. Papayas
f. Pears
g. Giant potassium pills that are even larger than Augmenton
h. Nectarines
i. Raisins
j. Banana splits. ☺
k. Salmon
l. Halibut
m. Cod
n. Tuna
o. Apricots
p. Strawberries
q. Broccoli
r. Cauliflower
s. Brussels sprouts. Yes, I like Brussels sprouts. Wanna take this outside?
t. Cantaloupe
u. Onions
v. Spinach
w. Baked potatoes. Unfortunately, most of the potassium is in the disgusting skin.
x. Nuts
y. Avocados…in guacamole. That’s the only way I can handle avocados.
z. And finally, bananas…listed last for so many reasons…
Mono Lessons (Part V: 83-99)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
83. Power Rangers rocked and still do and still will.
84. I’m not a twink. Only twinkish.
85. The ugly truth about gaydar.
86. How much I enjoyed researching and writing my paper on gaydar.
87. I wasn’t taught proper sex education in public school.
88. HIV/AIDS discussions now get me riled up.
89. Certain artists are more talented than I can comprehend.
90. I still adore hot redheads… It’s a curse.
91. Gender & Sexual Orientation (GNDR 5770) is the best class I’ve ever taken. Ever. I mean it. Thanks Lisa!!!
92. I really just don’t like Kenny Chesney.
93. Miranda Lambert’s voice is annoying. Especially her talking voice.
94. The exact same things stars go through in the public eye happen to our friends too.
95. There is an endless list of things I could have done differently if I would have known I had mono sooner.
96. Sometimes that endless list starts to repeat itself in my head.
97. It’s not worth listing everything I could have done differently. I only have NOW.
98. Nothing beats good customer service.
99. Unreliable cars make driving so much more stressful than it used to be…than it should be.
Mono Lessons (Part IV: 67-82)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
67. A certain somebody snores.
68. Wrap it up.
69. The beauty of self-checkout in supermarkets.
70. Just because they’re your doctor doesn’t mean they’re right.
71. I already know and should quit pretending.
72. It feels good to give advice I’ve practiced myself.
73. Sometimes friends need a good ol’ figurative slap in the face.
74. Sometimes friends need a good ol’ literal slap in the face.
75. It’s really tough to get people to open their eyes. Especially in this place.
76. I have a lot of things I want to do.
77. I have passion.
78. It’s okay to tell people you have mono; they understand.
79. No matter how many people deny it, they hear mono and figure your lips get around.
80. Some people’s lips really do get around…
81. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small, small world.
82. Mono + Cold – Nasal Spray + Listerine Mouthwash = Attempted Suicide
Mono Lessons (Part III: 51-66)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
51. It could have been worse.
52. IKEA is one of the best ideas ever.
53. You can truly forgive without actually forgetting.
54. Some talent goes beyond my wildest dreams.
55. Gender and sexual orientation are 100x more complicated and confusing than I ever thought. And look whose talking.
56. “Gay” doesn’t quite cut it. But is there something that does?
57. You can’t get nasal spray vaccinations for the flu if you have some sort of preexisting condition.
58. It’s hard to stay “healthy enough” to have a chance to get a regular injected flu vaccine.
59. People use the most idiotic excuses to avoid taking responsibility.
60. I can actually work from home quite easily if I don’t have to call anybody.
61. The politics in that place are fucking bullshit. Oh wait, I knew that already. It was just reaffirmed…again. How redundant.
62. Kneaders has the best oatmeal raison cookies.
63. Butternut squash bisque from Paradise is amazing.
64. On ultra annoying nausea days, Chipotle is often the only thing I can fathom eating. Specifically the hard shell tacos.
65. Jessica and I have our mindless and hilarious conversations at work to help keep a satisfying level of sanity (or insanity).
66. Mono screwed with my:
a. Appetite
b. Skin
c. Scalp
d. Sinuses
e. Throat
f. Weight
g. Pants
h. Belts
i. Head
j. Judgment
k. Voice
l. Personality
m. Mood
n. Amount of sleep
o. Sleep patterns
p. Sleep schedule
q. Sleep in general, apparently
r. School schedule
s. Work schedule
t. Boy schedule
u. Friend schedule
v. Homework schedule
w. Probably my pancreas
x. Probably the sac around my heart
y. Stamina
z. Motivation
aa. Drive
bb. Heart rhythm
cc. Diet
dd. Hydration
ee. Potassium levels
Mono Lessons (Part II: 25-50)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
25. How to say NO without using the word “mono.”
26. How to say NO with using the word “mono.” This one is harder.
27. One of my leading love languages, when it comes to showing my love for others, is gift giving.
28. I get offended when someone refuses a gift.
29. How to utilize Facebook Text Message.
30. I hold grudges. But not many.
31. I can release grudges.
32. Time FLIES!!!
33. Power Ranger costumes are hotter than hell.
34. I actually love my coworkers because they are my friends.
35. I like herbal tea.
36. Not ALL green tea tastes like hay. Just most green tea tastes like hay.
37. I hate relationship labels.
38. People don’t change. They think they’re changing for the “better,” but they’re only getting worse.
39. Some people are complete and utter douche bags.
40. It’s cathartic to tell a complete and utter douche bag that they’re a douche bag.
41. I dated an amateur porn star. If you want to call it that, I guess. It’s not worth watching. Trust me.
42. I really don’t care for high school flashbacks. Really.
43. When you have mono, “it’s getting late” is said around 5pm.
44. An unbelievable amount of mucus can reside in your sinus cavity.
45. Allie is an undercover Tylenol sales representative. A rather pushy one.
46. Normal cold medicines don’t have enough drug in one dose to actually do anything.
47. Take 2+ doses of cold medicine to feel some relief or take larger amounts of separate, different drugs.
48. Honesty is the best policy.
49. There’s no reason to settle.
50. Some hair dyes will stain your pillow.
Mono Lessons (Part I: 1-24)
And so begins the posting of my "Mono Lessons." As I mentioned earlier, I have a whole gigantic list of these written, so I will post them in smaller spurts.
I believe a lot of people who will be reading these are either specifically mentioned or alluded to in my "lessons." This could get rather interesting.
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
1. It is difficult to stay healthy long enough to qualify for a flu vaccination.
2. It is so much more convenient and comfortable to breathe out of your nose. Hence, it is very likely to become addicted (literally) to nasal spray.
3. Your true friends are the ones who stick around knowing you haven’t been yourself for months on end.
4. Antibiotics for “sinus infections” will cause hives when you have mono. I guess it didn’t help that I also didn’t actually have a sinus infection in the first place.
5. Hives will get out of control if you don’t take an antihistamine and/or put Cortizone 10 on them as soon as you feel an outbreak occurring.
6. I’m allergic to Bactrim and Ceftin.
7. Mono will slow down room rearrangement projects…greatly.
8. Getting your blood drawn can actually be a non-horrific experience.
9. Being “too tired” is apparently only legitimate if you have a blood test to back it up.
10. Endless amounts of jokes can be made about mono all because someone decided to call it the “kissing disease.” Only thing is, it’s endless amounts of the SAME joke.
11. It is unbelievably hard for me to ask for less responsibility.
12. I hadn’t realized how emotionally invested I am/was in the UTemps Program. I had never bawled over taking time off before. It was devastating.
13. Bowling IS a sport.
14. I could actually be skinnier than I was.
15. What true nausea is.
16. Empathy for:
a. Mom
b. Dad
c. Sherri
d. Kelsey
e. Deanna
17. What fatigue is.
18. How much a pleasant memory is worth.
19. Boys can wait.
20. Most things can wait.
21. I can wait.
22. People can change. And those changed people will continue to surprise you.
23. Shattered friendships can begin to heal.
24. Some friendships need to end…or at least take a break.