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How do you do this to me?
How do you do this to me?
How can I hate your hurtful heart,
But sigh for your smell on my sheets?
How can I loath your lousy lies,
But crave your counterfeit concurrence?
How can I despise your desperate devotion,
But pine for your perpetual and palpable presence?
How do you do this to me?
Since when did I hand you my reins?
This is my life to live,
Not yours to subliminally destroy.
Since when did my brain
Allow thoughts of you to drain
My will, my power to let go?
How do you do this to me?
Why do I do this to me?
Why do I let this good-for-nothin' guilt
Cloud my already cockeyed comprehension?
Why do I fantasize the future we were facing,
Instead of soul-searching and stabilizing my self?
Why do I desire a darling,
But have a forever fleeting focus?
Why do I do this to me?
Since when did I lose control of my reins?
This is my life to live,
Not yours to subliminally control.
Since when did my brain
Allow thoughts of you to drain
My will, my power to let go?
How do you do this to me?
How do I forget your love?
How do I leave behind my own?
I'll never forget our years together.
The memories have pierced my soul.
But, it's over.
I miss you and will always love you.
How do you do this to me?
Since when did I hand you my reins?
This is my life to live,
Not yours to subliminally control.
Since when did my brain
Allow thoughts of you to drain
My will, my power to let go?
How do you do this to me?
How do you do this to me?
How do you do this to me?
Goodbye.
"Time Is All Around" by Regina Spektor
This is one of my favorite Regina Spektor songs. The remarkable visuals in the chorus are by far my favorite part. Lyrics provided below.
"Time Is All Around" - Regina Spektor
You step on all my parts
And then you walk right out the door
And I know that your love ain't never
Coming back no more
Time is all around
Except inside my clock
Everybody's waiting for their lover to unlock
Leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die
When they're about to fall from trees
When they're about to dry up
Time is all around
Time is all around
I hallucinate a cat between my feet
I'm stepping lightly so as not to hurt it
Everybody wants
To say that you have changed
Of course you've changed, you've changed, you've changed
Your mind's been rearrange
But leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die
When they're about to fall from trees
When they're about to dry up
Leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die
When they're about to fall from trees
When they're about to dry up
Why am I supposed to love if I don't want to love?
Why am I supposed to, I'm so tired
Why am I supposed to love if I don't want to?
I don't want
I don't want to
I don't want
Leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die
When they're about to fall from trees
When they're about to dry up
Leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die
When they're about to fall from trees
When they're about to dry up
"This Time" by Céline Dion
Are you or is someone you know being abused?
Are you or is someone you know abusing others?
Remember, abusers are not just men and the abused are not just women.
This ends now. If you need emergency help, call 911. If you need other assistance or advice, call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or 1.800.787.3224 (TTY). Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7
"This Time" by Céline Dion had an effect on me the moment I first heard it. I hope it does the same for you.
Here, Céline talks about her feelings toward this emotional song during her recording sessions. Below is the full song followed by the lyrics.
"This Time" - Céline Dion
One more hour burns
So scared of his return
That I can't sleep tonight
In this hospital light
What you call a tragedy
Is just another day to me
For my heart beats with fear
As his footsteps draw near
The life I meant to lead
Won't slip away from me
'Cuz this time's the last time
I know that my eyes have seen too much
This nightmare is not fair
And I've had enough
(And I've had enough)
You break me, and as I bleed
You just say you're sorry
You call this love?
But this time your lies
Are not enough
This time...
There's nothing left of this
Your wispered words and empty threats
Rip away the seams of what I thought this would be
The last thread has come undone
To reveal what I've become
Another victim of a poison love
I've been afraid for years
But that won't keep me here
'Cuz this time's the last time
I know that my eyes have seen too much
This nightmare is not fair
And I've had enough
(And I've had enough)
You break me
To just say you're sorry
You call this love?
But this time your lies
Are not enough
This time...
And what remains a mystery
You cannot have the best of me
So I'm taking back
All you took from me
'Cuz this time's the last time
I know that my eyes have seen too much
This nightmare is not fair
And I've had enough
(And I've had enough)
You break me
To just say you're sorry
You call this love?
But this time your lies
Are not enough
This time...
- Emergency: Call 911
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or 1.800.787.3224 (TTY) for Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7.
!["Three Cheers for Five Years [Acoustic]" by Mayday Parade](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/58d218e1e4fcb57fb4c3a8c8/1490842988008-TKZ54JI22MLZ7I7V7DFX/Punk_goes_acoustic_2.gif)
"Three Cheers for Five Years [Acoustic]" by Mayday Parade
I call this my first punk song...even thought it's the acoustic version of a punk song making it not really punk...and even though Mayday Parade's punkness is sometimes debatable. Anyway, that said, "Three Cheers for Five Years" is on Punk Goes Acoustic 2, and, not being a punk fan before this, I consider it punk. :-)
I think this song is simply breathtaking with its incredible harmonies. I hope you've got some spare time on your hands because it's rather lengthy, but it's worth it. If you're interested in listening to the original version, here is a LINK. In the meantime, here is the acoustic version with lyrics provided below.
"Three Cheers for Five Years" - Mayday Parade
I swear that you don't have to go, I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms and spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you (I had in you)
Too late, I'm sure, and lonely
'Cause it's another night, another dream wasted on you
So just be here now, against me
You know the words, so sing along for me baby
For Heaven's sake, I know you're sorry, but you wont stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying, with my heart beside me,
In shattered pieces that, may never be replaced
And if I died right now, you'd never be the same
I thought with a month of apart
Together would find us an opening
Moonlight would provide the spark
And that I would stumble across your key
Or break down the door to your heart
Forever could see us, not you and me
And you'd help me out of the dark
And I give my heart as an offering (as an offering)
Too late, I'm sure, and lonely
It's just another night, another dream wasted on you
So just be here now, against me
You know the words, so sing along for me baby
For Heaven's sake, I know you're sorry, but you wont stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying, with my heart beside me,
In shattered pieces that, may never be replaced
And if I died right now, you'd never be the same...
And I... Will always... Remember you as you are right now to me
And I... Will always... Remember you now, remember you now...
Oh...
So sleep alone tonight
With no one here just by your side
Sleep alone tonight
And how does he feel? And how does he kiss?
And how does he taste while he's on your lips?
How does he feel? How does he kiss?
(And sleep alone tonight
With no one here just by your side
Sleep alone tonight)
And I can't forget you
I know that you want me to want you, I want to
But I can't forget you
So when this is over, don't blow your composure, baby
I can't forget you
(And sleep alone tonight
With no one here just by your side
Sleep alone tonight)
(And sleep alone tonight
With no one here just by your side
Sleep alone tonight)
I know you want me to want you, I want to
But I can't forget you
So when this is over don't blow your composure, baby
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you, I want to.
"Dance Anthem of the 80s" - Regina Spektor
This is my favorite music video ever! Regina is the best! This is also, by far, the best song about prostitution.
"Dance Anthem of the 80s" - Regina Spektor
You-ou-ou-ou-ou a-a-a-a-a-are
So-o-o-o-o sw-ee-ee-ee-ee-eet
Da-a-a-a-an-ci-i-i-ing to that
Be-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eat
There's a meat market down the street
The boys and the girls watch each other eat
You are so sweet, so sweet
Dancing and moving to that beat, that beat
There's a meat market down the street
The boys and girls watch each other eat
The boys and the girls watch each other eat
When they really just wanna watch each other
Sleeeeeleeeleeeeep
They want to watch, to watch each other
Sleep, sleep, sleep
Sleeeeeleeeleeeeep
They want to watch, to watch each other
Sleep, sleep, sleep
You are so sweet.
(Once more)
You are so sweet
(Solo)
[Regina's Piano Solo]
I went walking through this city
Like a drunk, but not
With my slip showing a little
Like a drunk, but not
And I am one of your people
But the cars don't stop
And I am one of your people
But the cars don't stop
It's been a long time since before I've been touched
Now I'm getting touched all the time
And it's only a matter of whom
And it's only a matter of when
An addiction to hands and feet
There's a meat market down the street
The boys and girls watch each other eat
When they really just wanna watch each other sleep
An addiction to hands and feet
There's a meat market down the street
The boys and girls watch each other eat
When they really just wanna watch each other
Sleeeeeleeeleeeeep
They want to watch, to watch each other
Sleep, sleep, sleep
Sleeeeeleeeleeeeep
They want to watch, to watch each other
Sleep, sleep, sleep
They want to watch, to watch each other
Sleep, sleep, sleep
They want to watch, to watch each other
Sleep, sleep, sleep
"My Humps" by Alanis Morissette (Black Eyed Peas Cover)
Hilarious. Yes, I know I'm a dork for loving this. You are too. (I apologize if you see a commercial at the beginning of this. Finding a good quality video of this hilariousness was far too difficult.)
Here's the Black Eyed Peas original version:
It's really a tossup as to which one is better, huh?
!["So Unsexy [Vancouver Sessions 2004]" by Alanis Morissette](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/58d218e1e4fcb57fb4c3a8c8/1490756364025-P70NZJ8BGFU05CA2Q6IM/alg_alanis-morissette.jpg)
"So Unsexy [Vancouver Sessions 2004]" by Alanis Morissette
We spend, or should I say, waste so much time letting other people get us down. We spend so much time trying to please everyone else. We spend so much time trying to impress the world. We spend so much time over-analyzing innocent comments into deflating insults that make us feel So Unsexy, so unloved, so boring, and so ignorant. When will we start staying with ourselves instead?
Here is Alanis Morissette's "So Unsexy." The first version here is acoustic and was recorded as part of a Sessions gig Alanis did in Vancouver in 2004. I actually heard this acoustic version before I heard the original and fell in love with it.
Below the acoustic version is a performance of the original version which you will see has much more of a rock feel to it than the more tame, yet (in my opinion) more powerful acoustic rendition. As always, lyrics provided below.
Hope you like it. :-)
Acoustic:
Performance of Original (because a performance is more entertaining than a still pictures):
"So Unsexy" - Alanis Morissette
Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could
Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind
Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind
When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?
Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind
Medium Music + More
Speaking of Medium (see my previous blog), I discovered this amazing song because of that amazing show...which is being cancelled. Did ya hear? Anyway, a handful of Medium episodes include a strategic placing of music.
The placement of "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train in an early season 6 episode of Medium was brilliant! I instantly fell in love with this song before it was even released! Let it be known that I was WAY ahead of the rest of the world with this song. By the time it hit the Top 10 list on iTunes, it was old news to me (and my friends, thanks to me). I mean like 6 month old news... Way to be behind, world. You should have watched Medium. And now it's being cancelled because of you. Oh, and CBS's idiocy.
Here is the music video for "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train and premiered on Medium. Lyrics below.
"Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
Heeey heeeey heeeeey
Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind
Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Heeey heeeey heeeey
Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection, we can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind
Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
The way you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me
Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)
Next we have "Hands All Over" by Maroon 5. This song was strategically placed in a fairly early episode of this season of Medium, season 7 (the last season...because it's being cancelled prematurely). To say the least, the inclusion of this song was hilarious. In this episode, Allison DuBois had a, let's say, wandering hand...
Here is "Hands All Over" by Maroon 5, the title track for their newest album, and featured on Medium. Lyrics below.
"Hands All Over" - Maroon 5
Put your hands all over
Put your hands all over me
Put your hands all over
Put your hands all over me
(Put your hands all over me)
I can't seem to find the pretty little face I left behind
Wandered out on the open road
Looking for a better place to call home
Gave her a place to stay and she got up and ran away
And now I've had enough
Her pretty little face has torn me up
Put your hands all over me please talk to me, talk to me
Tell me everything's gonna be alright
Put your hands all over me
Please walk with me, walk with me now
Love is a game you say
Play me and put me away
(Put your hands all over me) ooh oh!
Now you've lost your mind
The pretty little girl I left behind
And now you're getting rough
But everybody knows you're not that tough
Wandered out on the open road
Looking for a place to call your own
You're scared to death of the road ahead
Pretty little thing, don't get upset
Put your hands all over me please talk to me, talk to me
Tell me everything's gonna be alright
Put your hands all over me please walk with me, walk with me now
Love is a game you say play me and put me away
Love is a game you say play me and put me away
Put your hands all over me
Put your hands all over me
Put your hands all over me
All over me
So come down off your cloud
Say it now 'n say it loud
Get up in my face
Pretty little girl come make my day
Put your hands all over me
Please talk to me, talk to me
Put your hands all over me
Gotta walk with me, walk with me now
Put your hands all over me
Gotta talk to me, talk to me
Come on now, babe
Put your hands all over me
Gotta walk with me, walk with me now
Love is a game you say play me and put me away
Love is a game you say play me and put me away
Put your hands all over me
Yeah (All over me)
Put your hands all over
Put your hands all over me
Now I didn't say I was a huge fan of the song "Hands All Over," but hearing it on Medium got me researching Maroon 5's new album by the same name. Since I'm on a roll here, I have to share my two favorite songs from the album Hands All Over. They are both exquisite.
First is "How":
"How" - Maroon 5
Ohhh
I have been searching for your touch
Unlike any touch I've ever known
And I never thought about you much
Till I'm broken down and all alone, ohhh
Though I don't understand the meaning of love
I do not mind if I die trying, ohhh
Took it for granted when you lifted me up
I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise
And now that I can see mistakes so clearly now
I'd kill if I could take you back
But how?
But how?
I can feel it in my guts
What's going on with him now
Don't patronise me with lies,
I'm a man, be a woman now, ohhh
I have been bound by the shackles of love
And I don't mind if I die tied up, ohhh
Took it for granted when you lifted me up
I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise
And now that I can see mistakes so clearly now
I'd kill if I could take you back
But how?
But how?
But how?
But how?
Ohh yeah
Why must we be so ugly
And please do not think ill of me
Why does the one you love
Become the one who makes you want to cry
Why?
Why?
Why?
(And how?
How?)
Though I don't understand the meaning of love
I do not mind if I die trying
I do not mind if I die trying
I do not mind if I die trying
And lastly, "Never Gonna Leave This Bed." Best part? There's also an acoustic version...with a cello. Holy crap, right? Here is the original and acoustic. What an intense song...
Original
Acoustic
"Never Gonna Leave This Bed" - Maroon 5
You push me
I don't have the strength to
Resist or control you
So take me down, take me down
You hurt me
But do I deserve this?
You make me so nervous
Calm me down, calm me down
Wake you up
In the middle of the night to say
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed, oh
So come here
And never leave this place
Perfection of your face
Slows me down, slows me down
So fall down
I need you to trust me
Go easy, don't rush me
Help me out, why don't you help me out?
Wake you up
In the middle of the night to say
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed, oh
So you say "Go, it isn't working"
And I say "No, it isn't perfect
So I'll stay instead"
I'm never gonna leave this bed
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
I'd give it all away just to get you back
And fake it, fake it
I'll take what I can get
Knocking so loud
Can you hear me yet
Try to stay away but you can't forget
Wake you up
In the middle of the night to say
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed, oh
So you say "Go, it isn't working"
And I say "No, it isn't perfect
So I'll stay instead"
I'm never gonna leave this bed, ooh
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
(x7)
Addition made on March 26, 2017 at 7:28 PM:
In Medium's Season 2, Episode 22 episode called "Twice Upon a Time" originally airing May 22, 2006, the Dixie Chicks premiered their song "Lullaby" which was released on their hit record Taking the Long Way the next day, May 23, 2006.
"Lullaby" - Dixie Chicks
They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
So much music! Hope you enjoyed.
"Any Day Now" by Missy Higgins
Here, Missy performs one of my very favorite songs of hers called "Any Day Now" at the Aquashell in Darling Harbour, Sydney, Australia. Lyrics provided below.
"Any Day Now" - Missy Higgins
How long, how long, how long will we take to come undone?
If you know the answer tell me now and I'll write up a calendar for our count down.
'Cos what if what we see is all, is all we've got?
Say you've kept some fire aside to set light to me some surprising night.
And say you've locked some fire away to set light to me some surprising day.
Any day now...
How come, how come, how come I'm now on a road holding out my thumb?
If you know my destination please buy me the fastest car and throw me the keys.
'Cos what if what we see is all, is all we've got?
Say you've kept some fire aside to set light to me some surprising night.
And say you've locked some fire away to set light to me some surprising day.
'Cos finger by finger we're losing grasp and
I'm questioning the reasons why nothing beautiful does last...
Say you've kept some fire aside to set light to me some surprising night.
And say you've locked some fire away to set light to me some surprising day,
To me some surprising day...
Any day now...
MONO Lessons (Part XIII: 246-270)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
246. March 1st’s abruptness can actually continue to surprise me, and more so each year.
247. While in the shower, I realized I haven't honestly had the drive to find a companion or a mate since last July (2009). And the drive continues to be absent. (Typed in late February / early March 2010.)
248. “Time just sifts through its sift.” (from “Buildings” by Regina Spektor)
249. Swallowing pride isn’t all that bad. And it’s gluten-free!!!
250. Communication is KEY…from every individual involved.
251. Timing is everything…still.
252. Reaching new levels of friendship are the best!
253. Rapture is found in challenging yourself.
254. Once you floss for a while, on a regular basis, that is, your gums eventually stop bleeding!
255. I can’t read your damn mind.
256. A lot of people just don’t understand depression and it’s not worth my time trying to get them to understand.
257. I love my friends to death…but they can sure do some things that really grind my gears.
258. Lack of communication pisses me off.
259. I never thought I could/would talk about poop so freely and easily.
260. Addendum to lesson #205: Yes, nothing beats IMAX 3D, but nothing is more trippy than IMAX 3D on the front row. Those numbers at the beginning…they literally hit you in the face.
261. “I have been running, so sweaty my whole life / Urgent for a finish line. / And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete.” (from “Incomplete” by Alanis Morissette) Alanis taught me this a while ago, but I thought it was worth adding to my list.
262. I can live without nasal spray finally. A day for the history books: Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 11:35PM I threw away my last bottle of nasal spray. Since I hadn’t used it in a week, it seemed like an appropriate opportunity to get it out of my life.
263. All goat-derived products are absolutely repulsive.
264. Rubio’s is just plain amazing.
265. Giving an honest and positive opinion is really worthwhile.
266. I have absolutely no control over my intense attraction to certain people.
267. The only reason Saturday morning online class tests aren’t all that bad is the fact that I get to watch an episode of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers before driving up to the U.
268. Group work…ugh…it’s obnoxious, really. Always has been, always will be.
269. When I get extremely angry about my food situation, I go on a gluten-free shopping spree and throw out intolerable food at home.
270. TMI, but I’ve never pooped this regularly before. A good and healthy diet sure helps a lot.
"Nightminds" by Missy Higgins
"Nightminds" is my first Missy Higgins experience. 2.5 - 3 years ago, one of my best friends told me to look this song up. As you guessed or already know, I got hooked.
Since then, I've followed Missy's musical life, seen her twice in concert, taken a road trip (with said best friend) to see her, met her, and got her autograph. So I guess this song means even more to me now because, without it, I wouldn't have had some of the most amazing experiences of my life and I would have missed out on some outstanding singer-songwriter lyrics, chords, and vocals.
Thanks, friend. This post is for you and our nightminds. :-)
"Nightminds" - Missy Higgins
Just lay it all down.
Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.
I know, I know, I know.
I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
It doesn't have to be alone,
I'll get there somehow, 'cos
I know, I know, I know,
When even springtime feels cold.
But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
So we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise,
Out of our nightminds, and into the light
At the end of the fight.
You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified.
The highs would make you fly, but the lows make you want to die.
And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing.
So I know, I know, I know,
That it's easier to let go.
But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
So we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds
And into the light at the end of the fight.
And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds
And into the light at the end of the fight.
MONO Lessons (Part XII: 229-245)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
229. I am allergic/intolerant/sensitive to:
a. Bean, Green (+1)
b. Bean, Kidney (+2)
c. Bean, Navy (+1)
d. Bean, Pinto (+1)
e. Bean, Yellow Wax (+1)
f. Beans, apparently…however, not Lima, unfortunately
g. Cheese (+2)
h. Egg (+2)
i. Egg-white (+2)
ii. Egg-yolk (+2)
i. Milk, Cow’s (+1)
i. Casein (+3)
ii. Whey – LF (+1)
iii. In other words, everything dairy.
j. Pineapple (+1)
k. Pumpkin (+1)
l. Rye (+1)
m. Tomato (+1)
n. Wheat (+3)
i. Gluten (52 units)
o. Yeast, Baker’s (+1)
p. Yeast, Brewer’s (+2)
q. Zucchini (+1)
230. The Mexican food I thought was saving my life because it’s the only thing I could get down…yeah…slowly killing me: Pinto Beans, Cheese, Sour Cream, Tortilla, Tomato Salsa… My mono nausea cure only made me sicker.
231. A simple, sincere “I’m sorry” can go a LONG way…
232. Restaurants have gluten-free menus!
233. Gluten is in everything.
234. A “positive” gluten sensitivity test is like a positive pregnancy test – you can’t be kind of pregnant and you can’t be kind of sensitive. You are.
235. I’m bitter about gluten.
236. Lesson #228 is no longer valid. I actually think I would feel worse having a Grand Slam than if I got drunk…ha.
237. I really don’t have very good gaydar. I need to accept this fact of life.
238. I still get shocked every time someone comes out to me. Haha.
239. MLIA is hilarious. TFLN is rather hilarious, but the sex and drugs can get old rather quickly. FML is just depressing.
240. “Appetite is the best seasoning.” – Jessica Johnston
241. “The moral of the story is: Don’t drink, or your clone will be murdered.” – Jessica Johnston
242. “Life takes a lifetime.” (from “Naturally” by Lisa Donnelly)
243. We don’t do physics. Physics does us.
244. IgG anti-gliadin antibodies have a half-life of 120 days.
245. With an IgG score of 52 units, after 4 months of gluten-freeness, I will be near 26 units; 8 months I will be near 13 units; and 12 months, I will be near 7 units (below 10 is normal, 3 is average). Hence, 1 year of recovery ahead. It could be worse.
"Destructive" by LeAnn Rimes
This is one of my very favorite angry, I-hate-the-world, leave-me-alone-I'm-raging-pissed songs. For me, it's all in the lyrics and vocals. For others, it's in screaming and loud noises. Those of you that prefer screaming and loud noises may not appreciate this song the same way I do, but that's okay. Anyway, I got SO excited when I found out she was performing a sessions-type version of this song for Live from Abbey Road. Ever since I first heard this song on her album Whatever We Wanna, I wanted to see her passion when performing it.
Here, at 08:05, LeAnn talks about the song before performing it. The lyrics are provided below.
I cannot embed the video with the 08:05 start time without it autoplaying, so either navigate to that start time or click HERE to go to vimeo and watch starting at that time.
"Destructive" - LeAnn Rimes
If I could smoke a cigarette right now, I would
Rip out of my skin, commit the sins, oh I could
If I could break a heart and throw it all away for just one night
My conscience wouldn't care if I just went ahead and wrecked my life.
I want to be destructive
Trash everything in site
Beat the Devil at his game
Abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
One loud aching scream
Don't want anybody wanting anything from me
Yeah, yeah…
I'm sick of being perfect
With your perfect little smile
Pick a fight with danger
Be a stranger to myself for a while
I want to come unraveled
And have it out with my soul
I'm tired of all the voices telling me which way to go,
I wish you'd silence your opinion
That's the last thing that I want to know
I want to be destructive
Trash everything in site
Beat the Devil at his game
Abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
One loud aching scream
Don't want anybody wanting anything from me
I'll fell better when I'm sane
But now I want to feel no pain
I'm really sick of thinking
I just want to be destructive
Oh, oh, oh…yeah…
I want to be destructive
Trash everything in site
Beat the Devil at his game
Abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
One loud aching scream
Don't want anybody wanting anything from me
Yeah, yeah…
What to do...what to do?
I have desires burning deep inside my soul.
They burn so hot and so real...
My flesh tingles and flushes,
My eyes swell and drip,
My vocal cords seize and scream.
Physics, psychology, math, poly sci, astronomy, photography...
Have I chosen the right thing?
I want to make a difference.
I want to speak out.
I want to speak up.
But I'm terrified to do more than I already am.
What to do...what to do?
Do I want to be an "activist?"
What is an activist?
Am I already one?
Can a physics major be a gay activist?
A gay Mormon activist?
A gay Mormon physics major activist?
Is that allowed?
Is it dangerous?
Is it treacherous to pursue?
Which side is more threatening anyway?
Of whom should I be more wary?
Both?
Neither?
Have I already ruffled everyone's feathers?
Fence-sitting sounds so simple...
But it's not that easy.
I still have fears.
I still hesitate before saying I'm gay.
I even hesitate before saying I'm Mormon.
I have friends who don't understand,
But who let me do my own thing;
No questions asked.
Why don't they ask questions?
With which part do they not agree?
It's exhausting to continually tailor my words
According to my company...
Do you know me?
Do you really know me?
Who do you think I am?
Honestly.
I'm sorry, but,
"You don’t know me,
You don’t know me at all.
You don’t know me,
You don’t know me AT ALL."
I feel stuck.
Out of place.
Always wanting more gay friends...
More straight friends...
More Mormon friends...
More gay Mormon friends...
Who feel and think the way I do,
Truly,
Not because it's the "right answer"
Or they can't make up their mind...
Who doesn't "really just want to watch each other sleep...
...Sleep sleep sleep."
More friends to occupy and distract my thoughts
From wandering and wondering what I wonder...
What to do...what to do?
I want to be in love.
I want to be head-over-heels.
I want to be wooed.
I want to want to woo.
I want a hand to hold.
I want to care and not care.
When will I meet him?
Have I already met him?
Will I find him at school?
Work?
Through a friend?
Would acting on my activism help me find my partner in crime?
I want to have the courage...
I want to have the strength...
I want to have the drive...
I want to have the reason...
I want to have the security...
I want to have the voice...
I want to have the sense...
I want to have the stamina...
I want to have the energy...
I want to have the support...
I want to have the enthusiasm...
I want to have the confidence...
to
end the hate.
end the ignorance.
end the abuse.
end the disgust.
end the self-loathing.
end the lies.
end the suicides.
end the helplessness.
end the hopelessness.
end the excuses.
end the doubt.
end the fear.
What to do...what to do?
Fearlessly be myself.
MONO Lessons (Part XI: 209-228)
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
209. It’s January 27, 2010, and to be honest, I don’t really think I have mono any more. However, things aren’t back to normal. My appetite is odd, my sleep cycle is odd…I just feel odd. I think I have food allergies that are prolonging everything.
210. Whether I still have mono or not, I keep learning things, so I think I should continue my mono lessons list – both for personal reasons and for the sake of blog entertainment. In case I don’t actually have mononucleosis (symptoms) any more, MONO Lessons will stand for Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational Lessons. That’s what these silly lessons really are, anyway. ☺
211. I’m grateful I took Foundations of Analysis…?!? What?!?
212. Valentine’s Day comes to mind much sooner when it appears you’ll actually have a valentine.
213. 55” of TV is a LOT of TV.
214. There are few things that will keep me up until 4am. Tennis is one of them.
215. I get extremely offended when my petition is denied.
216. Attraction is SO complicated! And it dictates our thoughts and feelings about absolutely everyone!
217. I actually can get my blood drawn with out totally freaking out.
218. Just being in the University Hospital makes me extremely happy.
219. Hospital cafeteria food is better than Union food. And cheaper. And more healthy.
220. The Green shuttle doesn’t stop at the Union, only Red and Blue do.
221. Atenolol makes being nervous so much more bearable.
222. School is “easier” when unemployed.
223. Alec Woodbury and Allie Wall have the same initials!!!
224. Leaping zombies are the best.
225. There are certain people with whom I should not be alone for an extended period of time. Specifically while school is going.
226. We’re literally writing the next page of our life novel right now; “the rest is still unwritten.”
227. Slaps in the face are rather enlightening for both parties – the slappee and the slapper.
228. I would SO much rather get a free Grand Slam at Denny’s on my 21st birthday than get drunk.
"First Train Home" by Imogen Heap
Here, Imogen Heap summarizes the context of her song "First Train Home." She is giving her description moments before the song's first play on US radio. Remember the part about the party...that will come up again. After it airs for the first time, Immi describes how it feels.
This is the official music video for "First Train Home" with the lyrics provided below.
"First Train Home" - Imogen Heap
Bodies disengaged, our mouths are fleshing over.
It's just an echo game, irises retreating to ovals of white.
The urge to feel your face, and blood rushing to paint my hand print.
A Frisbee one by one; your vinyl on laminate, just prefer some kind of contact.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
Got to catch, to catch, to catch-catch, catch.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First Train home
Temporal dead-zone where clocks are barely breathing.
Yet no one cares to notice for all the yelling, all night clamor to hold it together.
I want to play--don't wait--forms in the hideaway
I want to get on with getting on with things
I want to run in fields, paint the kitchen, and love someone
And I can't do any of that here, can I?
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home, I've got to get on it.
First train home.
So what? You've had one too many.
So what? I'm not that much fun to be with.
So what? You've come silly hatter.
So what? I didn't want to come here, anyway.
What matters you, doesn't matter, matter to me.
What matters to me, doesn't matter, matter to you.
What matters to you, doesn't matter, matter to them.
What matters to them, doesn't change anything.
Got to get on it.
First train home.
Got to get on it.
First train home.
First train home I've got to get on it
(I've got to get on it)
Got to catch, to catch, to catch-catch, catch.
(First train home)
First train home I've got to get on it
First train home.
(First train home)
Got to, Got to, Got to, Got to, Get, Get, Get, Get, Out, Out, Out, Out, Now, Now, Now, Now.
Now that you have seen the "official" video, take a look at the alternate video called "Imm's Party Version." Remember her mentioning that party in that first clip? Here's what Imogen has to say about this version of the video:
"This is the First Train Home alternative video I directed. I came up with the idea in a cab on the way home late one night and filmed it the next week.
"It's shot in the room I wrote the song in, which is above my studio where I recorded Ellipse. It's me and a load of my friends I borrowed for the day to boss around.
...
"So many of you have been following and getting involved in Ellipse...[that] it felt wrong to do a video that was so impersonal which I felt the original one was. Even a bit cold and detached. This new video won't win any awards but I felt I wanted to make it. Some of the people dancing about have been around me so much during the making of Ellipse.
...
"... Good times. Hope you enjoy it. The odd thing of course is that this is my IDEAL party and not at all the party I was singing about...which I desperately didn't want to be a part of...and got on the first train out of Brighton to get away from it."
Enjoy.
This song is a masterpiece. It is obvious that each millisecond of this track has Imogen's heart and soul in it. Each moment has such meticulous detail. It's simply beautiful from the beginning hints of a railroad to the rather abrupt ending.
By the way, Imogen recently won a Grammy for her album Ellipse. I highly recommend buying it. ;-) This is one of the best albums I've heard.
Can't wait to see you again tonight, Immi! You're brilliant!
Mono Lessons (Part X: 187-208)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
187. I have more self-control than I give myself credit for having.
188. I gained my “self-control” from having some pretty crappy experiences.
189. There’s a fine line between “self-control” and extreme hesitation and caution.
190. “I don’t wanna be your other half; I believe that one and one make two.” (from “Not the Doctor” by Alanis Morissette)
191. “[I won’t] let [him] get away with kicking [his] own ass.” (from “Unsent” by Alanis Morissette)
192. I’m not crazy…well, in the sense that I’m not imagining my heart arrhythmia nor am I mistaking another chest activity for the heart arrhythmia. In other words, I have a seasonal heart arrhythmia.
193. Sherri worded this perfectly for me: “Never argue with an idiot. All they do is drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience.”
194. Atenolol is a beta-blocker. I still don’t really understand what a beta-blocker is. Let alone beta…and why it would need to be blocked.
195. Aliens scare the crap out of me enough when they’re blatantly fake that I am able to put on quite the convincing show when they are presented with a hint of realness.
196. I am apparently rather passionate about aliens.
197. I really do miss some certain people from middle and high school.
198. I don’t fall easily, quickly, willingly, simply, smoothly, comfortably, or patiently. Good luck, my friend.
199. I enjoy being a psychology test subject probably more than I should…
200. Denny’s has a TOTALLY different menu before 10pm! It’s huge!
201. Propositions from straight guys are tempting, but not when the straight guy is creepy.
202. Blog formatting takes way too much effort sometimes.
203. Seriously, zombies are funny.
204. No one else is online at 3:30 AM. Why did I not learn this sooner? Like in the 40’s or 50’s sections of the mono lessons?
205. Nothing beats IMAX 3D.
206. One-paragraph summaries of an all-over-the-place lecture are rather difficult.
207. Follow my gut… I already know this, I just need to remind myself.
208. It’s really weird to be taking The Psychology of Love when starting a new relationship…
Aaron the Whole Foods Boy
"Aaron the Whole Foods Boy" by Jason Hoggan
(Inspired by Kristin Chenoweth's "Taylor the Latte Boy")
There's a boy I'll meet at Whole Foods
Who is very diet contentious
He is very diet contentious because of many things.
I come in at 7:30 (PM, of course) and head straight for the bulk whole raw cashews.
We all love our bulk whole raw cashews
They make our taste buds grow wings!
So today at 7:30 (PM, of course)
I realized this is probably where I'll meet him
This is probably where I'll meet him
But near some obscure gluten-free food
So today at 7:30 (PM, of course), when I headed straight for the bulk whole raw cashews
I took a sharp turn to the right instead
And headed toward the blessèd nut thins
And I pondered, "Are these obscure enough?"
"Probably not. They're pretty picked over and popular."
I bet his name will be Aaron,
Which provides the inspiration for this poem:
Aaron the Whole Foods boy
Bring me gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, bring me joy!
Oh Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...
So I'd like to get my nerve up
And search a new GF aisle
He'll be on a new GF aisle
By an extremely obscure food
So today at 7:30, I went down another GF aisle
There I see a boy humming LeAnn Rimes with hot, sexy red hair!
As I quickly glide toward him, I chime in to his humming
It's "Something I Can Feel"! (Thank goodness not something cliché!)
So I gently tap his shoulder, and mouth the words to the song
And I knew his singing back meant that Aaron loved me too!
I said, "What's that in your hand there? And by the way, I love your red hair..."
He said, "Gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free cookies and this box right here is just for you!"
*sigh*
Aaron the Whole Foods boy
Bring me gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, bring me joy!
Oh Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...
I used to be the kind of guy
Who'd cringe when love stood in front of him.
But finally a blood test whispered, "Love can be yours
If you venture into Whole Foods for GF delights!"
Aaron the Whole Foods boy
Bring me gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, bring me joy!
Oh Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...
So many months my heart has dreamèd,
Who'd have thought that love could be so gluten-free?
Aaron the Whole Foods boy
I love him, I love him, I love him...
I love him, I love him, I love him...
"Taylor the Latte Boy" by Kristin Chenoweth (Lyrics provided below.)
There's a boy who works at Starbucks
Who is very inspirational.
He is very inspirational because of many things.
I come in at 8:11, and he smiles and says, "How are you?"
When he smiles and says, "How are you?"
I could swear my heart grows wings!
So today at 8:11
I decided I should meet him
I decided I should meet him
In a proper formal way.
So today at 8:11 when he smiled and said "How are you?"
I said "Fine, and my name's Kristin,"
And he softly answered, "Hey."
And I said "My name is Kristin, and thank you for the extra foam..."
And he said his name was Taylor,
Which provides the inspiration for this poem:
Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...
So I'd like to get my nerve up
To recite my poem musical.
He would like the fact it's musical
Because he plays guitar.
So today at 8:11, Taylor told me he was playing
In a band down in the village in the basement of a bar.
And he smoothly flipped the lever to prepare my double latte,
But for me he made it triple! (And he didn't think I knew)
But I saw him flip the lever, and for me he made it triple,
And I knew that triple latte meant that Taylor loved me too!
I said, "What time are you playing? And thank you for the extra skin..."
He said, "Keep the $3.55," because this triple latte was on him.
*sigh*
Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...
I used to be the kind of girl
Who'd run when love rushed toward her.
But finally a voice whispered, "Love can be yours,
If you step up to the counter and order."
Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...
So many years my heart has waited,
Who'd have thought that love could be so caffeinated?
Taylor, the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him.
I love him, I love him, I love him.
Special thanks to Maren Ritter for being the reason I love this song so!
Mono Lessons (Part IX: 166-186)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.
166. The maximum amount of actually funny gay jokes has been reached.
167. Zombies are to Lindsey as Aliens are to me.
168. Allie can fit the rim of a midget Denny’s water glass in her mouth. Video proof has been captured.
169. Gay PDA in Utah is a personal safety risk.
170. An unusually large number of people are mistakenly told they have an enlarged heart.
171. Haiku is much better when in Zombie form.
172. It’s so much easier to date other Mormons.
173. Some people say to “live every week like it’s ‘Shark Week.’” I prefer to “live every week like it’s ‘Armageddon Week.”
174. I miss photography.
175. “I’ve learned how to cry and I’m better for that.” (from “Many the Miles” by Sara Bareilles)
176. Certain people are truly in the wrong line of work.
177. UTemps is my baby.
178. Hope.
179. The best medicine is laughing until it hurts. Then laughing until the hurt hurts. Then laughing until you are on the brink of crying because of the pain. Haha.
180. Arvilla is a name. A woman’s name. And she’s the best Denny’s server ever.
181. Grief and mourning is necessary for my survival, sanity, and peace of mind.
182. I have immense anger and resentment towards him for what has happened.
183. Freedom can be bittersweet.
184. Caffeine does a number on my entire body.
185. One Diet Coke can induce:
a. Heart arrhythmia
b. Hyperactivity
c. Attention deficit
d. Freezing cold hands – blood vessel constriction
e. Jitteriness
f. Racing thoughts
g. Increased heart rate
h. Anxiety associated with the heart arrhythmia
186. Never have caffeine again.
"Incomplete" by Alanis Morissette
I have arrived at a point in my life where I can say I have a favorite song. It's seriously my absolute favorite song. It's called "Incomplete," it's by Alanis Morissette, and it's on her album titled Flavors of Entanglement (I recommend the Deluxe Edition, but here's the standard version too). Here, Alanis explains the thoughts behind her phenomenal song:
Here is the song with lyrics provided below, followed by some thoughts from me.
"Incomplete" - Alanis Morissette
One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived
And I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends
One day I'll be at peace
I'll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt
One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete
One day my mind will retreat
And I'll know God
And I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure
Like the women I see on their thirtieth anniversaries
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete
Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous
And torturous
But never done
One day I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious, authentic and grounded and home
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete
Rapture: An intense feeling of pleasure or joy.
Rapture is the key to this song and everything it's about. "And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete." There is so much pleasure and joy to be found in knowing I'm not perfect and I'm not even supposed to be perfect. The rapture is found in my journey. And it's not found by looking at my past; it's not found by imagining my possible future - imagining a finish line... Rapture is simply found in personal growth.
The rapture is found here. Now. Right this very moment.
Live it. Love it. Feel it!