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Television Jason Hoggan Television Jason Hoggan

Time of Completion: 12/27/18 23:55 - My ER Residency is Over, So Here's a List

I spent the past…I don’t know how long…re-watching ER. Well, re-watching some of it while other parts were new to me. Tonight, I finished it. I’ll be brief.

I think the show still holds up today - each iteration it goes through.

I fell in love with the characters all over again.

So I’ve ranked them. And to all you ER fans out there - please fight me! I would love to debate ER characters with literally anyone. FIGHT ME.

As I now have an honorary degree in Emergency Medicine, without further ado, except the ado of some explanation of my list criteria, here it is…

I chose 7 criteria and weighted them as follows:

  1. % of Series - How long were they on the show? Because longevity matters, but sometimes not a lot.

    • Weight: 7.5%

    • Max = Longest run on series is John Carter at 254 episodes.

    • To get this to a scale of 0-100, each characters’ number of episodes is divided by 254 rather than the total number of episodes (331) and multiplied by 100.

      • Example: John Carter = 254/254*100=100

      • Example: Doug Ross = 109/254*100=42.91

  2. Entrance - How memorable or vital was their introduction to the show?

    • Weight: 5%

    • First impressions…

    • If they started the show, they get an automatic 100.

    • For guest stars, I’ve doubled their entrance score to 200 due to the fact that a guest star makes you gasp when you first see them. This is the only time someone is given more than 100 on any score.

  3. Exit - How memorable or vital (or dramatic or fiery) was their (official final) departure from the show?

    • Weight: 10%

    • You remember the ones that go out with a BANG!

    • If they didn’t technically exit the show, meaning they stayed until the very end, they automatically receive a 100 for their perseverance.

  4. Backstory - Do they have a compelling, believable, mostly explained, and somewhat interesting backstory?

    • Weight: 10%

  5. Depth - Do they grow as an individual? Do they impact the lives of other doctors and nurses? Do they have life outside of the hospital? Do they have compelling personal and work issues? Do they draw you in to their story, make you fall in love with them, and cry?

    • Weight: 40%

  6. Likability - Do you “like” the character? (Love to hate is complicated…Dr. Romano…)

    • Weight: 20%

  7. Believability / Actor Execution - Was the character well-played by the actor and generally believable?

    • Weight: 7.5%

And now, with no context or explanation as to why I’ve given them the scores I did, here it is:

# Character Actor % of Series Entrance Exit Backstory Depth Likability Believability/Actor Execution Weighted Score
1 Abby Lockhart Maura Tierney 74.41 100 100 100 100 100 100 98.08
2 Maggie Wyczenski Sally Field 4.72 200 100 100 100 100 100 97.85
3 Mark Greene Anthony Edwards 71.65 100 100 90 100 100 100 96.87
4 John Carter Noah Wyle 100.00 100 75 90 100 90 100 94.50
5 Greg Pratt Mekhi Phifer 53.54 90 100 90 100 85 100 92.02
6 Neela Rasgotra Parminder Nagra 50.79 85 100 100 90 100 100 91.56
7 Carol Hathaway Julianna Margulies 53.54 100 100 90 90 100 100 91.52
8 Jeanie Boulet Gloria Reuben 40.55 80 100 100 80 100 100 86.54
9 Elizabeth Corday Alex Kingston 62.99 100 100 55 80 100 100 84.72
10 Dr. Gabriel Lawrence Alan Alda 1.97 200 100 100 70 90 100 83.65
11 Kerry Weaver Laura Innes 98.43 100 60 90 80 80 90 82.13
12 Luka Kovač Goran Visnjic 72.83 75 90 90 80 80 85 81.59
13 Lucy Knight Kellie Martin 14.57 100 100 50 80 100 100 80.59
14 Catherine Banfield Angela Bassett 8.27 75 100 100 80 75 100 78.87
15 Paul Nathan Don Cheadle 1.57 200 100 100 70 70 90 78.87
16 Michael Gallant Sharif Atkins 24.02 100 100 95 70 80 80 76.30
17 Sam Taggart Linda Cardellini 49.61 100 100 90 70 70 75 75.35
18 Tony Gates John Stamos 25.59 100 100 90 60 70 80 69.92
19 Doug Ross George Clooney 42.91 100 80 80 50 80 90 66.97
20 Dr. Andrew Wade Julian Morris 2.76 80 100 10 50 90 90 59.96
21 Susan Lewis Sherry Stringfield 55.91 100 0 80 60 75 50 59.94
22 Peter Benton Eriq La Salle 68.11 100 50 80 70 10 90 59.86
23 Dr. Victor Clemente John Leguizamo 4.72 200 100 100 40 30 80 58.35
24 Frank Martin Troy Evans 50.79 100 100 40 20 100 100 58.31
25 Alex Taggart Oliver Davis / Dominic Janes 16.93 50 100 50 50 70 70 58.02
26 Eve Peyton Kristen Johnston 2.36 200 100 100 30 50 70 57.43
27 Ray Barnett Shane West 27.56 50 100 50 30 90 80 55.57
28 Jerry Markovic Abraham Benrubi 53.94 100 100 30 20 100 70 55.30
29 Charlie 'Chaz' Pratt, Jr. Sam Jones III 6.30 100 100 70 40 60 60 54.97
30 Haleh Adams Yvette Freeman 72.44 100 100 10 15 100 100 54.93
31 Archie Morris Scott Grimes 44.09 100 100 25 50 50 50 54.56
32 Chuny Marquez Laura Cerón 86.22 100 100 10 10 100 100 53.97
33 Lydia Wright Ellen Crawford 44.49 100 100 15 15 100 100 53.34
34 Simon Brenner David Lyons 10.63 50 100 100 40 40 60 51.80
35 Dr. Kevin Moretti Stanley Tucci 3.94 200 50 40 40 50 70 50.55
36 Makemba "Kem" Likasu-Carter Thandie Newton 5.51 20 10 50 50 80 80 49.41
37 Dr. David Morgenstern William H. Macy 12.20 100 100 50 30 50 80 48.92
38 Lily Jarvik Lily Mariye 50.00 100 100 0 5 100 100 48.25
39 Conni Oligario Conni Marie Brazelton 44.49 100 100 0 5 100 80 46.34
40 Hope Bobeck Busy Philipps 5.51 100 100 50 10 100 25 46.29
41 Rachel Greene Yvonne Zima / Hallee Hirsh 14.17 100 100 20 20 70 80 46.06
42 Dr. Janet Coburn Amy Aquino 10.24 90 100 40 25 50 75 44.89
43 Dr. Paul Grady Gil McKinney 9.06 30 100 10 20 90 75 44.80
44 Dr. Lucien Dubenko Leland Orser 24.02 50 100 20 30 50 70 43.55
45 Malik McGrath Deezer D 74.80 100 100 0 0 100 30 42.86
46 Al Boulet Michael Beach / Wolfgang Bodison 7.87 40 80 20 50 20 80 42.59
47 Robert Romano Paul McCrane 49.61 100 100 20 30 10 100 42.22
48 Dr. Harold Zelinsky Steven Christopher Parker 4.33 100 20 10 25 80 100 41.82
49 Dr. Donald Anspaugh John Aylward 29.13 100 100 20 10 60 80 41.19
50 Miranda "Randi" Fronczak Kristin Minter 27.95 100 50 10 5 100 80 41.10
51 Eric Wyczenski Tom Everett Scott 3.15 50 0 40 60 20 65 39.61
52 Sarah Riley Chloe Greenfield 9.45 20 100 80 20 30 50 37.46
53 Steve Curtis Garret Dillahunt / Cole Hauser 3.54 30 70 30 40 10 100 37.27
54 Chloe Lewis Kathleen Wilhoite 7.48 100 100 80 10 30 40 36.56
55 Carla Reece Lisa Nicole Carson 11.42 30 0 40 50 30 50 36.11
56 Yoshi Takata Gedde Watanabe 22.83 100 0 5 5 100 70 34.46
57 Dr. Jane Figler Sara Gilbert 5.91 100 30 0 10 80 80 34.44
58 Cleo Finch Michael Michele 21.65 30 0 10 50 30 50 33.87
59 Dr. Dustin Crenshaw J. P. Manoux 9.45 75 100 0 15 10 90 29.21
60 Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen Ming-Na 46.46 20 20 15 30 20 40 26.98
61 Dave Malucci Erik Palladino 18.50 20 10 0 10 75 50 26.14
62 Cynthia Hooper Mariska Hargitay 5.12 80 0 80 10 20 40 23.38
63 Anna Del Amico Maria Bello 9.84 20 0 0 20 50 30 21.99
64 Dr. Maggie Doyle Jorja Fox 12.99 20 0 0 15 40 25 17.85
65 Dr. Skye Wexler Kari Matchett 1.97 100 0 10 0 10 20 9.65

Fight me.

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MONO Lessons Jason Hoggan MONO Lessons Jason Hoggan

MONO Lessons (Part XV: 300 - 320)

Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons

300. Some places are just not worth spending the time, energy, and money to eat (particularly gluten-free) at.  I apologize for ending that sentence with a preposition.

301. It’s hard enough for me without the perpetual snide comments.

302. Mood changes can be sudden and unannounced with an obviously noticeable shift as well as sudden and announced with no detectable actual change.

303. Flash drives can never be solely trusted.

304. I feel extremely gratified when my re-petition is approved and I got everything I wanted in the first place.

305. Pride will forever be a gluten-free food that I will be swallowing regularly.

306. I can even survive 8+ vials of blood being taken from my arm!

307. It’s really weird knowing more than your own doctor…you know…the one who knows everything.

308. Back on May 3, 2010, I realized I was in limerence with her.  That’s what happened!  You can be in limerence with the “wrong” gender.  Now I finally have a name for it!

309. These foods, oddly, have gluten in them:

a. Soy Sauce

b. Teriyaki Sauce

c. Blue Cheese

d. Marinades and Seasonings

e. Couscous – it’s actually a pasta

f. Malt (malt anything comes from barley)

g. Caramel Flavor

h. Caramel Color (but usually not any more)

i. Roasted/Glazed/Candied Nuts

j. Vitamins

k. Gravy

l. Oats…kind of…but not really.  They are all too often contaminated with gluten, but don’t possess any of their own gluten.  This is always a wonderful conversation starter.  (See Lesson 274)

m. Tofu.  Wha?!  I know, right?  Stupid wheat fillers.  (As a side note, Kofu is 99.999% pure gluten.  Note to self: Definitely avoid Kofu.)

n. Licorice

o. Imitation seafood, like imitation crab

310. These foods are shockingly gluten-free

a. Buckwheat

b. Glutinous rice

c. Corn gluten

d. Wheat grass

e. Fruity Pebbles – For some odd reason I assumed they were gluteny…

f. Rumbi’s chicken.  I swear to you, everyone else’s chicken is marinated in gluten!

311. My potassium STILL isn’t as high as I was hoping.  What the crap?!?  No wonder my heart still has episodes.

312. It’s nice to be on the same page this time around.  Thanks for giving me a break this time around, universe.

313. “Don’t look for Mr. Right, be Mr. Right and the rest will fall into place.” – MB

314. As usual, summer brings people out of the woodwork.

315. Scalp Oil + Shower Cap + Big Gun Acne Spot Treatment + Extra Lotion Around Lips = Jason Looks Like a Freaking Monster at Bedtime

316. I now have empathy for people with scalp issues ranging from mild dandruff to full-fledged scalp psoriasis.

317. Writing and mailing letters to people is really rather fun.

318. Sometimes I go WAY too long without writing mono lessons.  They then get backed up (constipated, if you will) in my brain and then finally spill out all over the place.

319. A lot can change in a year.  Namely feelings.  Stupid fickle feelings.

320. Oddly, confusion is sometimes rather peaceful.  Wha?

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MONO Lessons Jason Hoggan MONO Lessons Jason Hoggan

Mono Lessons (Part VII: 121-140)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

121. I’m picky.

122. I can pop 34 individual joints plus my neck and back. Ha.

123. My multi-vitamin doesn’t have potassium in it.

124. Some things need my attention more than others.

125. Gay marriage might not be the best solution… Didn’t think I’d say that, did ya?

126. Patience: I don’t have a lot…so I’ve sure had a lot to gain.

127. Downtown Denny’s has a VERY different crowd than our local Cottonwood Heights Denny’s at 1am.

128. This place is full of fuckheads. Pardon me.

129. I give SLCC a lot of (somewhat undeserved) crap. However, there does exist an even less respectable school to attend. I’ll refrain from naming it right now…. Care to guess what it is? No, not BYU....

130. A fast-dripping IV creates one of the strangest internal sensations I’ve ever felt.

131. When 4 people are tag teaming you in an ER room, it’s easier to ignore the fact that at least five vials of blood are being drawn from your arm.

132. December 14, 2009 at approximately 10:15pm: the exact moment I forgave Michael and myself for everything regarding that experience...and then some. Took me 2.5 years. Yes!!!

133. Even if I’m not proud of my past, I need to take responsibility and ownership of it. It makes me who I am today.

134. “Reparative” therapy may not be the devil’s work as I once thought. My own attempt at self-“reparative” therapy was anything but fun and/or successful, but again, the experience helped make me the secure person I am today. How can I deny someone that experience?

135. My reaction to “reparative” therapy is like that of a parent watching their child go through an experience they wish they didn’t have to watch. The kind of experience the parent wishes their child could learn without having to actually experience the experience. But unfortunately, most people only truly learn what they need to by going through those intense experiences.

136. Forgiveness is one of the hardest tasks to accomplish. It is also one of the most relieving and worthwhile things to accomplish.

137. Forgiveness can take for.e.ver.

138. You definitely can’t always trust your doctor. Question everything.

139. The changes I have been waiting for are actually happening. I don’t like it.

140. A certain someone is more than incompetent, they’re an asshole too.

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